Journey to Mordor By SUV
by BregoBeauty
Summary: What happens when an SUV lands in Middleearth and the Fellowship finds it? Craziness ensues! Covers all three movies.
1. SUV in Middle Earth

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer:** I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

**Summary:** Tess, Kate, Emily, and Dolly are all heading to Ocean City on summer break, but a fight brings them to Middle-earth where only Tess fits in. The four friends meet up with the Fellowship and journey to Mordor to destroy the Ring. But along the way, everyone is split up, the SUV breaks down, fights break out and new friends are formed. And a few secrets are discovered that change the course of a few futures. Covers all three parts of LotR.

**Part One: The Fellowship of the Ring**

**Chapter One: SUV in Middle-earth**

"Can't you drive any faster? You know, I'd kinda like it if we made it to Ocean City _before_ summer was over, if you know what I mean…" said Dolly, a 15 year old girl with long, shoulder length blonde hair and glasses, who was sitting in the backseat.

The person who was driving was 16 year old Kaitlin who also had blonde hair, but hers reached the middle of her back and was curly and also darker than Dolly's. And she was wearing very 'cool' hang-out-at-the-mall clothes. Most of her friends called her Kate, but her very best friend liked to refer to her as 'Crazy Kate'. But her driving was anything but crazy…

"I'm already driving five miles above the speed limit as it is, what do you want be to do, drive twenty miles over it?" said a grouchy Kate.

"Well, yeah," spoke the three other passengers as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Kate glared at them.

"Well, how about 'no'?"

Dolly and her friend Emily groaned. Emily was sitting in the passenger seat next to Kate. Emily had long, straight brown hair and also wore glasses. She was wearing, like usual, an orange shell necklace and orange clothes. Emily was also 15.

Tess who was sitting in the backseat, behind the driver's seat, just shook her head and sighed. Tess had long, past her shoulder, red and brown, curly hair. Even though it was summer, she was wearing what could be called 'country' clothes, seeing how her friends had just dragged her out of her summer stay in the country. She had on jeans, a beat-up pair of sneakers, a blue tank top with a blue and white checked sleeveless button-up shirt over top. She also had a pair of headphones jammed over her ears; the volume turned up so that she could drown out her friends.

Dolly and Emily were trying very hard to get Kate to speed up but she refused to. Finally, Dolly gave up and went back to reading a book. But Emily reached over and put her foot on the gas, causing the car to shoot forward. Kate let out a string of curse words, all learned from Tess.

Emily and Kate were suddenly fighting over control of the car, both of them with their feet on the gas and hands on the steering wheel. They then caused the car to go off the road, into the woods. Finally they both let go and the SUV came to a stop. Then Kate tried stepping on the gas. Nothing happened. She tried again, stepping harder. Still, no result.

"The car is stuck in something," spoke Tess, taking off her headphones. "Let's see what it's stuck in."

Emily, Dolly, Kate and Tess all got out to look. When they looked down, they were stuck in a swamp, while the tires of Kate's silver Suburban spun.

"Damn it!" cursed Kate.

Dolly squinted in the sun, raised her hand over her head and pointed to something in the distance. "Hey, what's that sign say?"

Tess walked towards it until the reading was in sight, so she could read it. "It says, Mordor, this way."

"What the hell is 'Mordor? I don't remember that being on the map," Kate said.

Tess turned towards her friends, walking back to them and the SUV. "That's because it wasn't on the map. It's not on any map, except…"

"Except what?" questioned Emily.

"…except on this one," said Tess as began to rummage through her backpack. "Ah, the map of Middle-earth."

Tess pulled out a well-worn copy of _The Lord of the Rings_. And she shown the map inside it to her friends. She pointed out Mordor and an area where they might be. They decided to walk towards Mordor, with their stuff. So the four friends unloaded their belongs and start off towards Mordor, leaving the SUV behind—stuck in a swamp.

* * *

The Fellowship of the Ring had not too long ago left Rivendell. They were heading towards Mordor when they saw a very strange sight. In a swamp, along side the road, something large and silver was stuck in a swamp. They decided to take a closer look. When they did, they discovered that it was some type of 'car' according to Gandalf. They managed to get it out of the swamp and decided, by a vote, to see if it would get them to Mordor. But first they had to assign seats.

"Okay," said Aragorn as he looked down a list on a clipboard in his hands. "We have nine people,7 seats, and a trunk along with the roof. So how is this going to work?"

"I know! I know!" cried Gandalf as he jumped up and down and waved his hand in the air. "I know!"

"What is it this time, Gandalf?" snapped Legolas.

"The Hobbits will ride in either the backseat, the trunk, or the roof. Aragorn or Legolas will drive and the other gets the other front seat. Boromir and I will take the middle seats. Gimli can ride with the Hobbits."

Crickets chirped in the awkward silence. Which was finally broken by Legolas, who shouted, "I call driver!" as he led the group in a mad dash towards the SUV.

"Oh no you don't!" growled Aragorn as he dropped the clipboard and list and jumped in the SUV first. He then locked the door and watched Legolas bang on the driver's side door before walking around to the other side.

Everyone else piled in, pushing, fighting, cursing and general name-calling. Finally, they were able to hit the road. Frodo was tied onto the roof by popular vote, the other three hobbits in the trunk, Boromir, Gimli and Gandalf crowded in the middle, Aragorn driving, and Legolas in the passenger seat.

Author's Notes:

(Original note)

I hope you liked the beginning! This should be a rather interesting story. One major challenge facing them will be—can anyone in the Fellowship actually drive? And will the hobbits be a pain about the car? Find out in the next chapter- 'Are We There Yet?'. Until then, read and review!

(New note)

I decided to change bits and pieces of the story and fix mistakes and such. It will take some time to fix the whole story but I will still continue on with the sequel as I fix this one. Hopefully it will make the story easier to read and remove many errors.


	2. Are We There Yet?

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer:** I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

**Chapter Two: "Are We There Yet?"**

"Are we there yet?" questioned Merry and Pippin.

"No!" cried Aragorn, who was quickly losing his patience with the two hobbits. Ever since they had got in the SUV, that was all that the two hobbits had said. Aragorn was very tempted to either tie Merry and Pippin on the roof with Frodo or leave them on the side of the road. They were not helping his driving at all.

Awkward silence was heard. Then a few minutes later, it was broken once again, by Pippin.

"Sooooo… Are we there yet?" asked Pippin. He was clearly enjoying annoying Aragorn.

"No!" came Aragorn's pissed off reply.

"Well, why not?"

"Because we aren't!" yelled Aragorn, turning around in his seat to face the young hobbit. "Besides, why do you keep asking?"

"Cause we're bored…" started Merry.

"…and it's fun to ask!" finished Pippin, way too cheerfully.

"Why are you bored?"

"Because Gandalf has all the pot, Gimli ate all the salted pork, Sam—" began Merry rambling, but was quickly cut off by Legolas.

"Did you say 'salted pork'?" asked Legolas, turning around with a dreamy smile on his face. "Did you?"

"Ya, but Gimli ate it all!" said Pippin, unsure as to why Legolas even cared about salted pork.

"Gimli! You fat, ugly dwarf! Argh!" cried Legolas jumping into the backseat so he could beat up Gimli for eating all of the salted pork.

Aragorn sighed and shook his head. He couldn't believe he was stuck in a car with these idiots. At least he had figured out how it worked. All he had to do was turn the key and push something in the floor and turn a wheel to guide it. It was almost as easy as riding a horse. Well, _Almost_. Aragorn still had to concentrate hard on what he was doing or else he'd lose control of the SUV and crash. Which he had already done several times and no one wanted him to do it again!

Suddenly, he saw something on the road. People! Aragorn slammed both his feet on the brakes and the SUV came to a screeching halt. Legolas was thrown forward against the windshield due to force of the stop. He ended up smushed against it, before sliding down it, leaving streaks all over the window and making a funny sound as he slid.

The people in the road turned around. They all looked to be teenagers and all of them seemed surprised to see the SUV. They were carrying bags and dressed in odd clothes. There were four of them, four teenage girls. Aragorn opened his door and began to get out of the SUV. He was eager to meet these strangers.

* * *

"I'm tired…" yawned Emily sleepily. "Are we there yet?"

"Here, eat some raisinets. That'll wake you up," said Tess, pulling a few bags of raisinets out and handing them to Emily.

"Woo hoo!" shouted Emily as she tore into the bags and proceeded to become sugar high and also to toss raisinets at Dolly.

Dolly began to pout as she batted the raisinets away. "No fair! Why does Emily get all the raisinets?"

Tess sighed and pulled an equal amount out for Dolly and handed them to her. Kate then looked at Tess and she sighed again and pulled out a bag of sour patch kids for Kate before pulling a jumbo bag of jellybeans out for herself. The four sat down for a minute and munched on their various candies. The whole time, Dolly and Emily flung an equal amount of raisinets at each other and ate the rest.

"You know what?" Kate asked Tess as Tess popped several jellybeans into her mouth.

"What?" Tess replied her mouth full of jellybeans.

"I'm beginning to think you planned this."

"Planned what?" Tess asked, confused as to what Kate was referring to. She didn't want to think at the moment, she just wanted to get sugar high.

"This whole thing! Me driving and fighting with Emily and us getting landed here, in the middle of nowhere! You seem so prepared for the whole thing. I mean, look, you have the lightest amount of stuff here, the best choice of clothes for walking, and then candy to keep us going. Are you sure you didn't plan for us to land in Middle-earth?"

"Why would I do that? Much less, how could I do that? You know as well as I do that Middle-earth is not a real place," said Tess as she popped another handful of jellybeans into her mouth.

"But still, I can't help but wonder."

"Well, I'm always really prepared and I'm beginning to learn to pack light. And that's because everyone keeps dragging me everywhere."

"So? Your point is?" asked Kate, who was starting to get pissed off and was very annoyed by that point.

"I didn't plan or prepare for this. This is just how I am."

"Then how come you had just the right books, huh? You only packed a few books and _Lord of the Rings_ just happened to be one of them. How come?"

"Well I'll tell you. I didn't have enough space for my Harry Potter books and I decided to leave them in my room at my aunt's house in the country, seeing how I just read them anyway and didn't need to bring them. And really, _Lord of the Rings_ was the only other books that I really had with me. I hadn't been back to the library yet. So I brought them with me."

"Oh."

"And I left most of my stuff in the room I have in the country. I'm going back there once this trip is over anyways. Not that is a surprise."

"Oh," said Kate smacking herself in the head, feeling like an idiot.

"So are you convinced now?"

"Ya, very much so."

"Thank you!"

Tess went back to eating jellybeans. She still couldn't believe that they had landed in Middle-earth of all places. But for her very best friend to think that she had planned it? That was crazy. How on earth could Tess have planned something like this? It was crazy enough without it having been planned!

After another twenty minutes of munching, everyone was ready to hit the road again. So Tess led the way and they continued onwards towards Mordor. After about another twenty minutes of walking, all four girls heard what sounded like a car behind them. Tess turned slightly and saw an SUV that looked just like the one they had left in the swamp, right behind them. It screeched to a halt and someone with blond hair went flying forward and hit the windshield. Tess and her friends turned all the way around.

"Legolas!" screamed Kate in horror when she recognized the blond that had smacked the windshield.

"Frodo's on the roof! Ahhh!" screamed Dolly and Emily, scared out of their minds.

"Aragorn's driving!" exclaimed Tess in disbelief.

What on Middle-earth was the Fellowship doing in their SUV? And how did they get it out of the swamp?

**Author's Notes:**

So apparently Aragorn can drive. That's a good thing. But what'll happen when the Fellowship meets the girls?

(New Note)

Few minor changes. No more Dimril Dale and some words were messed with. Other than that, it's the same.


	3. Combined Craziness

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer:** I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings. By the way, the poem in this chapter is not mine, it is from The Lord of the Rings books.

**Chapter Three: Combined Craziness**

Aragorn walked towards the girls. "Hello, my name is—"

Tess cut him off. "Your name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the blond blob on the windshield is Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood, the midget tied on the roof is Frodo Baggins of the Shire and I expect that in your company there is also Gandalf the Gay—I mean Gray, Gimli the dwarf, Boromir of Gondor, along with Meridoc Brandybuck, Perigrin Took, and Samwise Gamgee all of the Shire. Am I right? Also you set out from Rivendell, from the House of Elrond."

"How did you know all that?" asked Aragorn, amazed at Tess's knowledge.

"Just a lucky guess," said Tess with a shrug.

"Oh."

"You know Legolas?" asked Kate excitedly, jumping into the conversation.

"Well, yes I do," said Aragorn, surprised and a little scared of Kate.

"Cool! I've always wanted to meet him!" cried Kate, jumping up and down, clearly on a soar patch kids induced sugar high, which wasn't unusual.

"You'll have to excuse her, she's obsessed with Legolas Greenleaf," apologized Tess, shooting a 'shut up!' glare at Kate.

"That's okay. Who are you all?" dismissing Kate's strange behavior with a wave of his hand.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Tess, the one who asked about Legolas is Kate, the one with brown hair is Emily and the other blonde is Dolly," said Tess as she pointed all her crazy friends, along with herself, out.

"Nice to meet you all," said Aragorn, nodding a 'hello' to each of the girls, who nodded back.

"What ab—" began Kate, but was cut off by Tess's hand covering her mouth.

"Kate… do me a favor…" Kate looked at Tess. "Shut up and eat your sour patch kids."

Kate gave Tess an evil look but began to eat her sour patch kids anyway. Dolly and Emily wandered over, still keeping a wary eye on Frodo, even though he was still tied to the roof.

"Hello," they said.

"Hello," replied Aragorn.

The rest of the Fellowship got out of the SUV. Gimli was very bruised and turning black, blue, and purple because of Legolas, Gandalf was smoking pot, Boromir was grouchy and sleep-deprived, Sam was hungry, Merry and Pippin were happy, and Legolas was only slightly hurt from his run-in with the windshield (and due to be _very_ sore in the morning!). Frodo was left tied on the roof, which allowed Dolly and Emily to relax. Everyone was introduced and then stories were told.

"We are going to Mordor, to destroy the One Ring," said Aragorn, acting as the leader of the group, seeing as Gandalf was well, out of it.

"And which ring might this be?" questioned Emily.

"The One Ring, the ruling ring. Forged by Sauron himself…"

"…during the Third Age. It was supposed to overthrow the other rings of powers," finished Tess, not looking up from the ground, which she was staring at.

"Correct, lass," said Gimli, speaking for the first time.

Emily was still confused. "What's the problem with this ring?"

With a sigh, Tess recited a poem.

"_Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, _

Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,

Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."

"I think I get it now…!" said Emily.

"Finally!" mumbled the Fellowship, Tess, Kate, and Dolly under their breaths.

"What did you just say? I couldn't hear you all."

"Nothing! Nothing at all!"

"Sure…" Emily said as she stared at everyone in turn before returning to her raisinets.

"So… Where were we?" asked Tess.

"I was going to ask you where you were going," said Aragorn.

"Well, since you got our SUV out of the swamp…" began Kate.

"Wait a minute," said Legolas. "_Your_ SUV?"

"Yeah, Miss-Drool-Over-Everything got our SUV stuck in a swamp!" said Dolly

"And I helped!" added Emily cheerfully.

"I do _not_ drool!" shouted Kate, standing up.

"Oh yes you do!" Dolly shouted back, also standing up.

Soon everyone was bickering, Kate and Dolly over Kate's drooling, Merry and Pippin over nothing, Gimli and Legolas over salted pork, Gandalf, Sam and Frodo over who Frodo liked better, and Boromir, Aragorn and Tess over who's SUV it was. Finally, Aragorn broke it all up with a yell.

"HEY! HEY!"

Everyone stopped fighting to turn around and stare at Aragorn. Crickets chirped once more during the awkward silence.

"Thank you! We," said Aragorn said pointing at himself, Boromir and Tess. "…have decided to share the SUV. Once the Fellowship completes their journey, the SUV will once again completely belong to Tess and her friends. Until then, we will have to share. And this means, new seat assignments!"

Everyone in the Fellowship groaned as Aragorn found another clipboard and made a list, then read it off to everyone. "Tess, driver; Boromir, Kate and Legolas, middle seats; Merry, Pippin, Emily and Dolly, trunk; Gandalf, Gimli, Frodo and Sam, roof; and myself, passenger seat. Climb in!"

Everyone once again raced towards the SUV. Everyone was pretty content with their seat assignments and felt better about the driver. Aragorn wasn't the world's best driver as the Fellowship had learned. And Kate and Emily, well let's just say that they were better off without having one of them driving. And Dolly and the rest of the Fellowship had no clue were they were going and would rather not try to drive. Luckily, Tess and Aragorn seemed to know where they were going. Or so it seemed.

"So… where are we headed?" asked Tess once everyone was strapped onto the roof and in their seats.

**Author's Notes:**

Well I'm glad that everyone likes this so far! In the next chapter, the group will finally hit the road. But can we really trust Tess's driving and Aragorn's navigating skills? Especially without a road map? Find out in the next chapter!

Reviewers!

**A Darker Side of Light –** I'm glad that you like it! A similar chapter was intended for my other LotR parody, but it was removed before I could post it.

**musical geek –** Well, one of my friend's once had a dream that she was driving an SUV in Middle-earth and that she lost it in a swamp. So I thought what would happen if the Fellowship found it and drove it? And how you could you write about a road trip without adding "Are we there yet?" into it? I didn't know it had comic reality in it until you mentioned it! But since it's in here, I think it's safe to say that the comic reality is here to stay. And I hoped that the Fellowship and a car would get people to read it!

**Krista123 –** Yeah, I know in real life my friends and I would do serious damage if we were in the story for real! I'm glad that you like it!

**JesuslUver –** I so glad that someone else thinks that this is funny! I had hoped it was original! It would have been quite scary for me if it wasn't! Then I'd be worried someone was stealing my ideas right out of my brain! shivers Scary thought! And it's nice to know that Jesus still loves me!

(New Note)

Again, no major changes.


	4. What Do You Mean We're Lost?

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

****

Chapter Four: "What Do You Mean 'We're Lost'?"

"Well, eventually we hope to get to Mordor but for now we are headed for Dimrill Dale," said Aragorn, consulting the map.

"Okay, so I just follow the road to Dimrill Dale, right?" asked Tess as she started the SUV.

"Yeah, I think so…"

"You 'think so'?"

"Well, I've never driven a SUV in Middle-earth before…"

"Great!"

Tess slowly began to drive the SUV. She had never driven the SUV before. The Suburban belonged to Kate, not to her. And Kate had never let her drive it before. Good thing that she was used to driving her own vehicle, a Ford F-150 truck which was pretty large. And her aunt who lived in the country, where Tess spent the summer, had a Suburban, so Tess had watched her drive it many times. So she quickly got the hang of driving the Suburban, which was silver instead of the black one her aunt had. Tess laughed to herself, remembering that she always referred to her aunt's Suburban as 'The Bus' and had a good laugh thinking that she was too driving a 'bus'. But while Tess was absorbed in her thoughts, she drove off the main road onto a smaller one. And no one noticed for some time.

Finally they came to a dead end. "Aragorn!" growled Tess as she turned to face the Suburban's navigator.

"What?"

"We've hit a dead end, Aragorn. We weren't supposed to hit a dead end, we were supposed to follow the road to Dimrill Dale, remember?"

"Well that's not my fault, is it?"

"Well yeah, it is. You are the navigator, you're supposed to tell me were to go. Not get us stuck on a dead end road."

"But you're the driver!"

"So? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind!"

"Are we there yet?" questioned Merry and Pippin cheerfully.

"NO!!!!!" yelled Tess and Aragorn turning around to glare at the Hobbits.

"Sorry…"

Tess and Aragorn ignored the Hobbits and went back to bickering. Legolas finally couldn't take it anymore. With a big sigh, Legolas screamed at Tess and Aragorn. "Shut up!"

Tess and Aragorn looked quite taken aback and stopped bickering and turned to face the irritated Elf. Kate was also staring at Legolas, like she had since they had gotten in the SUV.

"Thank you. Now can somebody please kindly inform me as to what the hell is going on here?" said Legolas, glaring at Tess and Aragorn.

"Well, Aragorn got us lost--!" began Tess.

"Did not!"

"Yes you did--!"

"Stop fighting!" yelled Legolas.

"Our navigator here," said Tess through gritted teeth. "Sent us on the wrong road and now we're lost somewhere."

"But I wasn't the one _driving_, now was I?" Aragorn shot back.

"But you were supposed to be telling me where to go!"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Legolas. "So we're lost?"

"What do you mean 'we're lost'?" asked Dolly, speaking up.

"It was all Aragorn's fault!" Tess started.

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was NOT!"

"Was TOO!"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Merry and Pippin.

"Does it really matter who's fault it was?" questioned Emily.

"Good question," agreed Aragorn.

"Yeah, really genius," grumbled Tess.

"You're just mad because I didn't get us lost…"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am most certainly not!"

"Are too!"

While Tess and Aragorn were fighting, Tess's foot hit the gas and the Suburban crashed through the trees and left the road behind. Finally Tess realized what was going on and hit the brake. But not before they were really lost.

"Now we're _really_ lost!" said Dolly.

Tess cursed under her breath, as did Aragorn.

"Now who got us lost?" said Aragorn smugly.

Tess narrowed her eyes and turned around to face Aragorn, glaring harshly at him before screaming at him. "ARAGORN!!!!!"

****

[Author's Notes:

Okay, I have decided to change the original plan for the SUV. It is now a Suburban and the seating is slightly different. Tess is still driver, Aragorn in the passenger seat, but Legolas and Kate are the middle (Legolas behind Tess, Kate behind Aragorn) two seats. Dolly, Emily, and Boromir are in the third row. (Boromir was asleep during this chapter) Merry and Pippin are in the trunk area, behind the third row. Gandalf is still on the roof because he wants to smoke and there is a no smoking in the SUV rule in place, along with Sam and Frodo and Gimli. Yeah, if we really wanted to, we might be able to squeeze everyone inside, but there is no need at the moment for that.

Sorry about the wait between chapters. I've been sick and so dizzy that I couldn't see (even with glasses on!) so there was no way I could sit at a computer and type without barfing (not something I wanted to do!). And then I sliced my finger open so I couldn't type. But I'm not nearly as dizzy as I've been so I could finally type a new chapter and my finger doesn't hurt too badly.

The next chapter will hopefully be posted by sometime Monday, August 2nd. It'll be called 'Off-road SUV'. Check my author's page for more info, where I'll note the progress, etc. Please leave a review!

Reviewers!

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A Darker Side of Light – Well the trunk is the open type, so they can still breathe. And I didn't know a Suburban was considered an SUV until you mentioned it so the SUV has been changed to a Suburban cause I've been in one many times before (my aunt owns one and I visit her (and my four cousins) over the summer) so it's easier for me to write about one. And so far there has been no need to cram everyone in, but there might be some need eventually. J

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Ari Moon –Yeah Frodo died in my other story, but this is a different story so he's still alive. Yeah, you're another Frodo-must-die person huh? Glad you like it.

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musical geek – I can't imagine being strapped to the roof of an SUV either but that's okay! But the trunk isn't that bad. I've squeezed into the trunk of an SUV with two other people before (and we had to stay under the windows so we wouldn't get caught by the cops!) and it's cooler to ride in the trunk in my opinion. Plus it's an open area trunk, it opens into the SUV, it's not closed in.**]**


	5. Offroad SUV

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

****

Chapter Five: Off-road SUV

"What did I do now?" asked Aragorn, glaring right back at Tess.

"You made me hit the gas pedal and NOW we're really lost! God only knows were we are! And this time, it is your fault!"

"I didn't hit the gas pedal now did I?"

"ARAGORN!!!!!"

"WHAT?!!!!!"

"Can you stop shouting?" asked Boromir.

"NO!!!!!" they both shouted at Boromir, turning their heads for a second.

"Why did I even bother?"

"Now what are we doing to do?" asked Emily, to no one in particular.

"And to make matters worse, it's starting to rain!" grumbled Dolly.

Everyone, even Tess and Aragorn, looked out the windows to see rain beginning to fall. Now what were they going to do? They would have to fit Gandalf, Gimli, Sam and Frodo in the SUV too. How?

Legolas spoke. "We should get the others off the roof."

"Yeah, and where are they going to go?" said Dolly, in a bad mood.

"Um…"

"Didn't think that through all the way, now did you blondie…"

"Did you just insult Legolas?" questioned Kate, speaking for the first time since getting in the SUV. "Did you?"

"What do you think?"

"Well it takes one to know one!" Legolas shot back.

"How dare you insinuate that I'm a dumb blonde?!" yelled Dolly, very angry.

"How dare you?"

"Why I oughta—"

"Cut it out!" shouted Emily. "It's bad enough that Tess and Aragorn can't stop bickering and the last thing we need right now are two more fighting people."

"I resent that statement!" yelled both Tess and Aragorn.

Emily rolled her eyes at them. "Now, we need to turn our attention to the problem at hand. The rain. We need to squeeze the others in."

"Sam, Frodo and Gimli can squeeze in the trunk with Merry and Pippin," suggested Boromir.

"Great. Now what about Gandalf?"

"He can sit between Kate and I," said Legolas, without taking his eyes off the floor. Being referred to as a dumb blonde, even without being called one, had hurt his feelings.

"Well then that's settled! Now let's get them inside!"

Everyone got out so that they could get the others inside. Everyone but Tess and Aragorn who returned to bickering over what to do and who had gotten them lost. Everyone squeezed back into the car just as the rain started to pick up, turning from a shower into a major downpour. Tess and Aragorn were still bickering.

"We should leave the SUV!" yelled Aragorn. "And set out on foot!"

"No we will not! You'd get us even more lost and we'd never find the SUV again if we did that! I don't trust your navigational skills at all!"

"Yeah? Well it's your fault we're stuck here in the first place!"

"My fault? Who was navigating?"

"Oh will you just give it up already?!"

"No!"

"Then we'll be stuck here forever!"

"No we will not!"

"Yes we will!"

"No, we will not!"

"Will!"

"Not!"

"Will!"

"Not!"

"Will!"

"Not!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" yelled everyone in the SUV.

Tess and Aragorn stopped bickering. They were surprised that everyone was so annoyed at them. Crickets chirped again as awkward silence broke in. But all sounds were washed away at the sound of rushing water.

"What's the sound?" Kate asked Legolas, fear in her voice.

"It sounds like rushing water, like a waterfall," was his reply.

Tess looked in the rearview mirror. "Oh it's a waterfall all right."

"What are you talking about?" asked Aragorn.

"There is a load of rushing water headed right for us."

"WHAT??!!!" shouted everyone.

Everyone turned around and swore. A load of water, created by the rainstorm was rushing down the hill and was about to sweep them away. Sweep them to unknown parts of Middle-earth. In an SUV. And the water had just about reached them…

"Holy Shit!" screamed Tess as the water reached the SUV and pushed it through the trees. "Holy Shit! Holy Shit!"

"Shut up!" said Kate, reaching over to smack Tess. "This is not the Penguin Blizzard River at Six Flags, Tess so you can freakin' chill!"

"So?"

"So stop the cursing already!"

"How 'bout NO!!!!!" shouted Tess followed by a string of rather colorful language as the water swept them down and another hill and gained more speed.

Kate shook her head and covered her ears as did Dolly and Emily. The Fellowship smirked at the girl's reaction to their friend's language. Gandalf smoked his pot, and Frodo stole his pink frilly apron from Sam's pack so he could clutch it in fear, while holding onto to Sam for dear life. Merry and Pippin were splitting an extra large bag of jumbo marshmallows and were way too happy. Emily and Dolly were acting as if the SUV being washed away was an amusement park ride. Kate was staring at Legolas who was clutching the armrest of his seat in fear (no one was wearing seat belts). Boromir looked bored. Tess had the steering wheel in a death grip and was swearing. Aragorn too looked extremely shaken by the ride as well.

Finally, the SUV came to a halt as the water disappeared. Everyone got out of the SUV (Tess, Aragorn and Legolas went to throw up behind some bushes) and walked around, trying to figure out were they were. Finally Tess, Aragorn, and Legolas rejoined the group and figured out were they were.

"We've washed up in Moria," the three said together.

"Is that good or bad?" asked Emily, Dolly, Merry, and Pippin.

"Bad," said Gandalf, putting away his pipe and pot. "Very bad."

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[Author's Notes:

I lost my thought for this chapter which delayed it's posted and then the document manager wasn't working when I went to post the last chapter so that didn't get posted until this one was supposed to be posted. But I got this chapter written and now it's very late at night on August 2nd, and this will be posted tomorrow. Expect the next chapter around Wednesday, August 4th, unless I somehow manage to write it tomorrow and post it also. Please review!

Reviewers!

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Spellman – Thanks! And no I had never seen the comic before but it does fit the story! You're welcome for the review. J

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Ari Moon – I was just kidding! I already knew you wanted Frodo to die!

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Krista123 – Glad you like! I'm feeling a bit better now that I'm all drugged up, but drugs have weird affects on me so if the story gets out of control it's because of the meds I'm on. And I have get to go get blood drawn for testing!

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A Darker Side of Light – Yeah I know SUVs are bad for the environment as are any type of car. I'm not saying I support damage to the environment cause I don't. I'm a country person yet I'm stuck in an overpopulated town with way too much pollution (and my mom wonders why I'm always sick!) and every time I look around, more trees are being removed to squeeze in 100s of more little tiny homes and shopping centers. But you do have a good point about Legolas. But then again, who said that SUVs run on gas and pollute the air in Middle-earth? But I'm so for saving the environment that I would never drive an SUV in real life. Or support the destruction of the woods. I'd rather live in the country were there is hills, green grass, shady trees, clean air, hardly any people, and where I can ride my horse all day on trails. Plus I get sick as often in the country. (I'll shut up now!)

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TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – Ya, who would've though Legolas even knew how to cuss? And Legolas as a Gothic, sounds very interesting, but if I wrote that, I have a Legolas obsessed friend who would hunt me down and kill me. I guess I'll just have to ponder that thought of Legolas as a Gothic.**]**


	6. Moria

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

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Chapter Six: Moria

"How is it bad?" questioned Emily.

"Because Gandalf knows about the Balrog of Morgoth," said Tess before covering her mouth with her hand.

"How did you know that? No one knows that!" said Gandalf staring at Tess.

"Same reason I know so much about Middle-earth?" said Tess weakly.

"And that reason would be?" asked Aragorn.

"Might as well just tell them!" exclaimed Kate and everyone turned their attention towards her. Tess included who was staring in disbelief at her best friend.

"Tell us what?" asked Aragorn.

"That where we're from there is a book trilogy written about Middle-earth and Tess has it memorized and has told us bits and pieces about it. But she's a know-it-all about Middle-earth! Which is very annoying!"

"That's how you knew who was who? Why didn't you say anything concerning this before?!" questioned Aragorn staring right at her. "This could have been helpful you know!"

"Yeah it would have been, except that I can't remember how anything ends or what the outcome is of anything. Only the facts are all that I can remember. People, places, things are all that remain. That's all that I know!"

"What can you tell us about what is going on right now?"

"Well, the Balrog is in Moria—"

"First off, what the hell is a Balrog?" asked Emily.

"A Balrog is a demon of the ancient world. He is all fire basically. Only Gandalf could beat him out of all of us."

"Oh…" said everyone.

"And I think that there's something in the water. But that's it."

"Okay, can we drive through Moria, Gandalf?" asked the Hobbits.

"I don't see why not," came Gandalf's reply.

Tess nodded her approval. Then she looked at the door. She thought for a minute before walking over to it and speaking a single word in Elvish.

"Mellon."

The door opened and everyone stared at her. She shrugged and headed back into the Suburban. Everyone else followed suit and climbed in. After a few minutes, Tess began to cautiously drive into Moria. After sometime, Merry and Pippin broke the silence.

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!!!!!" replied the rest of the SUV without looking at them.

"Just asking…"

"NO!!!!!"

"Don't bit our heads off!"

"SHUT UP!!!!!"

"Well, rarrr…" said Pippin.

The SUV fell back into silence as Tess continued driving. After the revelation that she knew all about Middle-earth, no one mentioned that she had gotten them lost before and were more than eager to let her drive. No one minded an experienced driver at the wheel, but one who had knowledge of where they were in addition to where they were was the pick for driver.

About a day later, the Fellowship was just about out of Moria. They had reached the Bridge of Khazad-Dum. But the problem they faced was getting the SUV across. So Gandalf said some kind of spell and it flew over to the other side. Now for everyone to make it to the SUV. And that was when the Balrog showed up.

"Run across the bridge!" instructed Gandalf. "Run now! You can make it to the SUV! I'll deal with our foe!"

"Come on! Gandalf will be fine!" Tess said as she headed across the bridge.

Everyone looked between Gandalf and Tess and decided to follow Tess. After all, she was the only one with the knowledge about what was going to happen. And no sooner than the group had reached the SUV, then Gandalf vanquished the Balrog, before falling in. Frodo freaked out.

"Gandalf! Gandalf!" he cried.

"Good riddance to the pot smoker," said several members of the Fellowship.

"Frodo, if you don't calm down, you may be joining Gandalf," said Aragorn calmly and Tess agreed.

"It's a shame we lost the Balrog though," said Merry.

"Yeah, it would have been so cool to have the Balrog help us set marshmallows on fire!" said Pippin cheerfully.

That's when Merry and Pippin got their marshmallow bag out. And they proceed to throw them at people. Everyone joked around and pretended to be afraid of the marshmallows for a few wonderful minutes before climbing back into the SUV.

"It would have been cooler with flaming marshmallows!" said Pippin, pouting.

"It's okay Pippin, I'm sure you'll get a chance to set marshmallows on fire sometime," said Dolly.

"How about next time we stop?" questioned Emily, relieving her secret weapon, a flame-thrower.

"Ya!!!!!" cried Merry and Pippin, jumping up and down with joy.

"Oh no!!!!!" groaned the rest of the Fellowship as several began to bang their heads against the side of the car, dreading the next stop.

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[Author's Notes:

Short but that's okay. Yes, I know I left things out but chill! This isn't supposed to be exactly like LotR! Anyways, the next chapter should be up on Thursday, August 5th. Please review!

Reviewers!

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Ari Moon – I HATE the Penguin Blizzard River! I cursed really bad the whole time I was on that ride! And yes, you got to insult Legolas. I put that in just for you! Well, here's an update!

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Krista123 – Well drugs do that to me. This chapter isn't really funny, it's just here. The next one should be pretty crazy! I mean, marshmallows, crazy people and a flame-thrower? Not the best combo for normal people! You sound like one of my best friends! She's very obsessed over Orlando Bloom! If anyone insults him, she acts like she'll kill them! And I tried hiding her binder of pics of him one time and she threatened to destroy my Aragorn and Arwen bookmark! She had it in her hands too! So I gave up the hiding place and got my bookmark back, in one piece!

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musical geek – That's okay that you didn't review the last chapter. Yeah, the SUV's part of the fun of writing this story! I try to update every day, but if something happens to delay it, I have it noted on my author's page.

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A Darker Side of Light – That's fine with me! Don't know if can add what you say, but it's definitely a good idea. Maybe you can have an appearance in a chapter that takes place in Gondor? As a protester? Just a thought…

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TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – The violence is one of the main appeals for me! The battles are like the best part! I'm so not a Legolas fan girl anyways, that's one of my best friends. I'm an Aragorn fan, but I'm not obsessed. But there is defiantly more to it than hot guys! I agree with you on that!

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Jak – How I could I put you in without your necklace? Yes, the flame-thrower is mentioned now, I completely forgot about it! And it works well in the next chapter! Running over stuff, that may happen soon in the future.**]**


	7. Marshmallows and Flamethrowers

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

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Chapter Seven: Marshmallows and Flame-throwers

Merry, Pippin, and Emily were plotting against the Fellowship and Emily's friends. Merry and Pippin still had marshmallows and Emily had a flame-thrower to set the marshmallows on fire with. They planned to attack everyone upon the next stop. Among their targets were Tess, Aragorn, Kate, Legolas, Frodo, Dolly and Gimli. Sam and Boromir were off the hook and Gandalf had died in Moria.

Tess and Aragorn were still bickering and Legolas was trying very hard _not_ to lose his temper. Kate was of course still staring adoringly at him. Dolly was very bored and sick of being stuck in the car and was yawning quite loud. Frodo was crying over Gandalf's death while Sam attempted to comfort him. Merry, Pippin, and Emily were talking quietly with Emily turned around in her seat to whisper to them. Gimli was snoring, as was Boromir.

"How much farther is Mordor?" asked Dolly without looking up.

Tess and Aragorn both stopped bickering long enough to say, "Very far!" before returning to their bickering.

"Great!" said Dolly sarcastically.

Gimli snorted loudly in his sleep. Legolas glared at the sleeping dwarf, as did several others (mainly the Hobbits).

"Can we please kick the dwarf out?" begged Legolas.

"NO!!!!!" shouted Aragorn and Tess, turning around to glare at him angrily.

"Well, sorreeeeeeeeee!!!!!"

"Shut the hell up, Greenleaf!"

"Oh no you didn't!" piped up Kate.

"Yes we did!"

"Did so not!"

"Did too!"

"Not!"

"Did!"

"JUST SHUT UP!" shouted everyone, waking up Boromir and Gimli.

"Where's the salted pork?" asked Gimli.

"Daddy's a pyro! Ahhh!" cried Boromir, jumping awake from a bad dream.

"Shut the hell up!" said Dolly.

"Well, rarr!" replied Boromir.

"Are we gonna stop soon?" asked Sam. Everyone stared at him. "I'm sorry, but I'm really starting to get hungry."

"You're always hungry!" exclaimed Legolas.

"Am not! Merry and Pippin are!"

"Hey! Was that supposed to be an insult?" asked Pippin.

"I don't know Pip, but I think it was," said Merry.

"Well it was not nice at all!" said Pippin as he and Merry began to argue with Sam over who was the hungriest.

"Well, I'm getting tired anyways. So we can stop for the night," yawned Tess.

"We'll reach the woods of Lothlorien by the early morning if we stop now and camp for the night," said Aragorn.

"I'd say we've gotten pretty far so far in such a very short period of time."

"Let's call it a night and set up camp."

Everyone agreed on this and so they all piled out of the Suburban, setting up places for everyone. Seats were re-arranged for the night in the Suburban so some people could sleep in there instead of outside. Tess curled up in her seat to go to sleep after eating some food. Emily slept outside not too far away from Merry and Pippin. Aragorn also slept outside, under a tree. Dolly slept in the vacated passenger seat. Legolas slept outside, in a tree with Kate hanging around nearby. Frodo and Sam slept in the trunk. Gimli slept on the backseat. And Boromir curled up in a middle seat in the Suburban.

Late that night, Merry, Pippin, and Emily set their plan in motion. Once everyone was fast asleep, they would strike. They lit the marshmallows with Emily's orange and black flame-thrower and then began to poke people with the lit marshmallows in the sides, burning hole in their clothes. Tess was the first on their list.

"God damn it all to hell!" cursed Tess, sitting up and glaring at Dolly angrily before carefully returning to sleep.

Next, Dolly was poked, waking her up. She didn't say anything but glared at Tess before returning to sleep.

Afterwards, Frodo and Sam were targeted as were Gimli and Boromir. Then, finally Kate, Legolas and Aragorn were poked. Everyone had a similar reaction. Some cursed, others didn't, but they each glared at another person near them. All in all, everyone was very angered though by the poking.

Once they had all been poked, Merry, Pippin and Emily started to light the marshmallows on fire before tossing them at people. Soon the air was thick with flying, flaming marshmallows. Everyone awoke and had different reactions to the marshmallows heading for them.

"Hey!" yelled Kate, ducking.

"NOT THE HAIR!!!!! AHHH!!!!!" cried Legolas.

"Shut the hell up blondie! It's only a bloody wig for Christ's sake!" shouted Dolly at Legolas as she avoided several marshmallows.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"God damn it!" cursed Tess.

Aragorn wore in Elvish, Gimli in Dwarvish, as Tess continued to swear in common tongue. Everyone else just yelled.

"What do you think you are doing? I'm a lord of Gondor!" screamed Boromir as he ducked several marshmallows aimed at his head.

"Please don't hurt my frilly pink apron!" cried Frodo as he clutched the wretched thing in his hands and Sam stood behind him, trying to calm him down.

"Mr. Frodo, are you all right?" asked Sam.

Laughs erupted from the three attackers. Finally they ran out of ammo and everyone caught up to them and cornered them in the bushes.

"We might as well getting moving," said Dolly, trying to remain calm and keep herself from strangling the two Hobbits and Emily.

"What on Middle-earth were you three thinking?" questioned Tess, hands on her hips, glaring at the three.

"We were bored," offered Pippin and Merry and Emily nodded.

"And that justifies torturing us?!" shouted Kate. "Oh poor Legolas and his hair!"

"He's fine, he's just a big sissy!" said Dolly with a wave as she stalked off back towards the Suburban.

"Oh will you shut up?!"

"Why don't you make me?"

"_Now_ you've done it!"

Kate knocks Dolly over and the two got into a major fight over how sissy Legolas is. Everyone else watching, each cheering on one of the girls. Finally, a truce was called due to the number of injuries that occurred.

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[Author's Notes:

Sorry about the long wait! I really meant to post before I left, but the trip was a surprise and I didn't have the time to write it. Anyways, this chapter was actually written in a Suburban while I was being poked and tortured by my four cousins during long car rides. The next chapter will hopefully be posted by Wednesday, August 18th, if all goes well and I get more good ideas. This chapter took forever for me to type due to soreness in my arm, which came from a blood test this morning.

Reviewers!

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A Darker Side of Light - Yeah, my friends and I like to set marshmallows on fire. It's a load of fun. Well, unfortunately we can't jump to Gondor, but when we get there, I'll be sure to add you in along with your protesting and a band of protesters.

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Krista123 – Yeah, you probably would get along with her. But yeah, she is pretty extreme.

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musical geek – Glad you like it!

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Jak – Yeah the books are good, but you might have an easier time understanding them if you see the movies before you read them. Then it might help you read the books. And maybe the SUV can run over everyone's favorite slimeball—Wormtongue. Maybe…

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TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – Helm's Deep is a really cool battle as is the Battle of Pelenor Fields. The action is just awesome!

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Ari Moon – Well I did give her a flame-thrower and yeah, it was a bad idea, wasn't it? (in response to an e-mailed review)**]**


	8. Lothlorien

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

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Chapter Eight: Lothlorien

After Dolly and Kate had their fight, everyone climbed into the car once again. Once everyone was in, Tess began the drive to Lothlorien. It wasn't a very far drive, but no one was happy to be back in the car. And Pippin, Emily, and Merry were getting quite rowdy and wanted out again. Finally, when both Tess and Aragorn threatened to throw them out of the Suburban and make them walk to Mordor, they calmed down slightly. But they weren't the only ones who were sick of the SUV. Tess was sick of driving, Aragorn was sick of navigating, Legolas was sick of being stuck in the SUV without trees and fresh air, Gimli was sick from eating and then sleeping in the SUV, Dolly was bored half-to-death, Frodo was crying, and everyone else was tired.

A few hours later, they reached Lothlorien. Once they reached the woods, Haldir appeared and asked them to get out of the SUV. SO they all climbed out and faced Haldir. Aragorn went up to speak to him in Elvish, to explain to him what was going on. Tess and Legolas went with him while the others stayed where they were.

"We need some help, Haldir. We have with us the One Ring. And we have lost Gandalf," said Aragorn in Elvish.

Legolas provided translations for Tess of the Elvish. She knew some Elvish, but not very much. So the translations helped some.

"The Lady Galadriel has asked to speak with you. But you must abandon the machine which you have brought with you," replied Haldir in Elvish.

"We will do no such thing!" cried Tess.

Haldir turned to face her and asked in common tongue, "Why is that?"

"Because that machine as you call it, is what got me and my friends here in the first place. If we are to abandon it, why we may never be able to return to home! Plus it is how we plan to get to Mordor, to destroy the Ring. We can not and will not abandon it!"

"It will not be allowed in these woods!"

"Then why don't you have someone take it around to the other side so that we may use it once we leave?"

"Once you leave, you will be taking boats down the Anduin. No machine can fit on a boat!"

"Well, can it be taken to the other side and then one of us will drive it to the end of the river, where boats will become of no more use?"

"I guess that could work."

"Great. Now let me tell the others to get their shit out of it," said Tess and with a nod in thanks to Haldir, she walked away.

"Who is she?" Haldir asked Aragorn.

"That is Tess and she knows more about Middle-earth than most. Some of her knowledge even surpassed that of Gandalf's. She has been a great help to the Fellowship. We could never have gotten this far without her," said Aragorn.

"You don't have feelings for the stubborn creature, do you?"

"No. Besides we don't even get along and she's from another place…"

"Oh he likes her all right! That's probably why they can't stop fighting!" spoke Legolas cheerfully as he patted Aragorn on the back.

"I do not like her!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do!"

"Not!"

"Stop bickering!" yelled Haldir. Both stopped and stared at him. "Sorry I asked."

* * *

The Fellowship and Tess, Dolly, Emily, and Kate, unloaded their stuff from the SUV. They were going to stay in Lothlorien for one day and night before setting out again. The next part of the journey would be very rough on them seeing as it would contain a river. So everyone rested and fretted over what the next part of the journey would bring.

[Author's Notes:

Sorry about the wait! Lost my train of thought midway through this chapter and was unable to regain it. So this chapter is not the best. The next one will hopefully be better. The next one should a little wild seeing as it contains the river Anduin.

Hopeful posting date: Monday, August 23rd

Reviewers!

Ari Moon – I had hoped it would make your day! Glad you liked it so much! It is one of my favorite chapters so far.

Jak – Well I put it in there just for you and figured you'd like it. Yeah Merry and Pippin are pretty cool, aren't they?

TrekieGreenieShannarElfOfME – I loved it when he went over the cliff! I cheered and remarked to my friend, "Finally he's gone! He can't mess up anything else anymore! And I sure hope he hit an Orc or two on the way down!"

musical geek – Yes, the events in the Suburban did have affects on the last chapter. It also gave me the idea of the sleeping once I figured out that yes, it was possible to sleep in a Suburban, sitting upright. In any row of it too. And also I think I used up most of my ideas on that last chapter so this one isn't all that good. The next one should be better. 


	9. The River Anduin

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings (and my dog, Sset).

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Chapter Nine: The River Anduin

The Fellowship and the friends set out very early the next morning from Lothlorien. Some things had been decided already concerning that day's trip. One was that Tess would be driving the SUV down beside the river on the way towards Rohan. Aragorn would be leading the others down the river Anduin. But who was doing what hadn't yet been figured out.

So the group conferred while loading every thing into the SUV. Frodo, Sam, and Gimli didn't want to travel by boat so they would be going in the SUV. Aragorn was going to be in the front boat with Dolly, Legolas in the second one with Kate, and Boromir in the third. For safety and sanity reasons, Merry, Pippin, and Emily had been ordered to ride in the SUV. So once the SUV was loaded with both people and stuff, Tess set off.

Tess had the easiest job when it came to navigating. All she had to do was follow the river on her left side. Aragorn had to pick the best route down the river for the boats. But Tess had the craziest companions in the Suburban. Frodo was upset and bawling his eyes out over something, which was distracting, seeing as he was sitting right behind her. Gimli was complaining just in general and had been put in the passenger seat and was talking right into Tess's eyes, which was not helping her concentration.

But the ones that Tess was most worried about were Merry, Pippin, and Emily who were in the backseat, plotting something and Tess could have sworn that she saw gestures indicating the flame-thrower, which had been confiscated by Aragorn. That and of course that sounds of maniac laughter.

What had she been thinking, driving this group down river?

* * *

Things were going much better for Aragorn on the river. Dolly wouldn't shut up and was bothering Aragorn so much that he was thinking about pushing her out of the boat onto the river. But he knew that if he did, he would eventually have to face an angered Tess and he didn't want to do that. So he ignored Dolly's chattering instead.

Kate wouldn't leave Legolas alone either. She kept touching his hair and talking to him. He had a very annoyed expression on his face and also one that he showed the Ranger when he turned around to check on the others. His expression clearly read, 'Help me and get me out of here!' which made the Ranger laugh to himself. The mighty Elf was asking for help escaping from what? A teenager for Eldar's sake! Not that he could blame him…

Boromir was fuming to himself. If only he could get his hands on the ring and get it to Gondor than this whole mess might actually be worth something. Maybe.

* * *

Finally Tess reached the point were Aragorn and her had figured out the previous night. It was their camping point and the point at which they would all be getting back into the SUV. But neither Tess nor Aragorn had actually spoken that. Tess just had a feeling that some events would cause that. Tess parked the SUV between some trees, hidden away. She had also painted the SUV a green the night before with some spray paint that she had found hidden inside Emily's bag. What Emily was doing with it, she had no clue and didn't want to know.

Gimli had long since shut up and fallen asleep, snoring quiet loudly. Frodo had stopped bawling and was also asleep, as was Sam who had given his blanket to 'Mr. Frodo'. Merry, Pippin, and Emily were still talking and were the main cause for concern. Tess was very afraid about what they may have planned.

Tess was the first out and began to unload the SUV with the help of three travelers who hadn't slept. She hadn't wanted to wake the others. It would help her to keep her sanity if she only had to deal with the three.

Not long after camp was ready, Aragorn and the others arrived and drug their boats up on shore. They then all gathered around the cooking fire where Sam (once awake) had prepared their meal. During the meal, Merry, Pippin, and Emily snuck off only to return moments later. With them, were several firecrackers that they had taken from Gandalf in Moria. And Emily's flame-thrower, which had some how been recovered.

They lit the firecrackers over the group's cooking fire and everyone's head using Emily's flame-thrower. They had also fired the flame-thrower into the air. When everyone saw what was headed their way, they quickly reacted. Dolly threw herself to the side on the ground. Sam grabbed Frodo and pulled him down. Legolas grabbed Kate while Aragorn grabbed Tess and then they rolled out of harm's way. Tess of course told Aragorn off afterwards saying that she was quite capable of getting herself out of harm's way.

"MERRY, PIPPIN, AND EMILY!!!!! YOU ALL ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!!!!!" yelled Tess and Aragorn while everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Do you know what you could have done? I could have been burned laddies and lassie!" growled Gimli as he touched the singed off part of his beard and everyone laughed at it. "Stopping laughing!"

[Author's Notes:

The next chapter will be the last one taking place in the Fellowship of the Ring timeframe. Then the story will move on to the Two Towers timeframe. Next chapter due Tuesday, August 24th.

Reviewers!

Ari Moon – That's weird, but glad you liked it!

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – Yeah, me too!

A Darker Side of Light – I guess all Elves aren't very smart. Or at least Haldir isn't! But I don't need to cross it, I'll just stay on the same side and drive along side the river. Besides, the SUV is needed on land for the part transition. And I'll try to post every day from now on.

Krista123 – Glad it's still funny! But Tess and Aragorn just like each as friends. They just still can't realize it. They are still bickering but hopefully, that will start to wind down.


	10. Parting of Ways

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings (and my dog, Sset).

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Chapter Ten: Parting of Ways

Boromir was the first to end everything. "Do you want Orcs after us all? Your racket is going to get us all killed!" he said to no one in particular.

"Well, rar!" said Emily and Dolly, while Tess glared at him.

"Give it a rest Boromir! It was only a little bit of fun! We all could use a little fun!" replied Aragorn angrily. He didn't feel like getting chewed out again. Tess had already chewed him out enough for one day. He didn't need Boromir to add to it!

"Orcs are approaching!" called Legolas in warning.

"If we die it is all _your_ fault Aragorn!" called Boromir, drawing his sword and getting his shield.

Everyone else quickly drew swords, or a bow in Legolas's case. Tess drew one given to her in Lothlorien from under her cloak. Dolly drew a sword too and Kate ran to hide behind Legolas. The Hobbits all drew swords too and hide. Frodo actually ran off, followed by Sam. Emily got out her flame-thrower. Gimli murmured something in Dwarfish and got his axe.

"Tess, get your friends and the Hobbits and get out of here!" cried Aragorn.

"No, I'm going to fight! I can fight just as well as you and the others! You need my help!" she responded, not backing down.

"Save it for the Orcs, laddie!" offered Gimli.

Both glared at the dwarf who shut up that second. "Okay, mellon-nin, you may fight along side us," agreed Aragorn.

Tess smiled and instructed Kate and the remaining Hobbits to hide along with Emily. They grumbled about it but agreed in the end. Boromir also disappeared. So only the Dwarf, the Elf, the Ranger from the North and Tess and Dolly were left. The remaining five all split up to go their separate ways in attacking the Orcs. Each confronted many Orcs and killed them.

Then something unexpected happened. Boromir was shot with an arrow by an Orc while trying to protect the Hobbits and Kate and Emily. Emily quickly shot flame towards the creature and the creature turned towards them but was distracted again by Boromir. Another flew into him. Yet he still got back up and he urged the four to flee. But they were too petrified to move. A third arrow hit him and he rose again.

And that's when some Orcs came in and grabbed the four. Kate screamed for Legolas, the Hobbits and Emily for Strider/Aragorn and Tess. And just as the Orc was about to shoot Boromir with a fourth arrow, Aragorn arrived and engaged in battle with the Orc. He succeeded in slicing the Orc's head off and then rushed to see what he could do about Boromir. Not that he cared about Boromir, but it was his duty to see what he could do and find out what we could about what had happened.

"What the bloody hell happened?" Aragorn asked.

"The Orcs, they took them…"

Then Boromir died. Aragorn began to celebrate. The noise that came from him, attracted Tess and the others.

"What happened?" asked Tess, arriving first.

"Boromir died! Yahoo!"

"Where are the others?"

"Oh," his happiness disappeared. "The Orcs took them."

"All four?"

"Yes."

"Where are Frodo and Sam?"

"They left by boat. And we need to send Boromir's body down the river before continuing," he said as he began to pull the arrows out of Boromir's body.

"I'll get the SUV ready to leave," said Tess, putting her sword away and heading back towards camp. She then proceeded to pack everything into the back of the SUV and then drove out to meet the others. They all piled into the SUV (after disposing of Boromir's body) and Tess hit the gas. They were going to go after the Orcs, find them, kill them, and rescue their friends before continuing on their journey.****

**END OF PART I**

**TO BE CONTINUED IN PART II: THE TWO TOWERS**

**[Author's Notes:**

That's the end of the first half. Look for the next half tomorrow! Please leave a review!

Reviewers!

A Darker Side of Light – Well Boromir is dead and I am quiet glad! I admit to having Denephobia. And aren't caffeine/sugar highs the best?

Jak – But if I ran you over with the SUV, you'd be dead. But I might let you ride on the roof, with Merry and Pippin if you behave.

Krista123 – Yes they are! The battles will be quite interesting if they can use their anger and skills against their enemies. I'm glad that you think it 'kicks butt'!

Ari Moon – Yes the flame-thrower needs to be hidden better. But I think that Emily will give the Orcs a bad time with it. And I'll have to dig through my pack for some more raisinets—not that you or Emily need them!


	11. Of Flames and Orcs

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Part II: The Two Towers

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Chapter Eleven: Of Flames and Orcs

Orcs had captured Merry, Pippin, Emily, and Kate during an attack. Boromir had tried to save them, but failed. The four had been dragged away and their wrists bound to prevent escape. They were all being carried by Orcs and the Orcs were running very fast. Unknown to anyone but herself, Emily had her flame-thrower with her. She had hidden it in the bottom of her baggy orange pants, using a strap on the flame-thrower to hold it in place like a gun.

Emily was forming a plan in her mind. As soon as the Orcs stopped for a break, then she would use the flame-thrower to rid herself of her bounds and free the others. Then they would sneak up and attack the Orcs. Emily would burn them and the Hobbits would stab them with swords. Kate would run for help. It could work. Maybe, Emily wasn't sure.

The Orcs were running even faster now, if that was even possible. There was no way that their friends would be able to keep up and save them. But maybe their friends were the reason for the pace. Was there a reason as to why they had been captured, not killed?

"I smell man flesh and machine," growled an Orc. The four captives perked up at this mention of man and machine.

"Strider," said Merry, hopeful.

"Legolas," said Kate, dreamily.

"Tess," moaned Pippin and Emily.

"And Gimli," groaned all four. And then, much happier, "The SUV! It's coming for us! Ya!"

* * *

Hours later, the Orcs finally came to a stop for the night. Darkness had come swiftly and covered them quickly. The darkness made the four captives unnerved. But the darkness would help Emily as it would help hide her flame-thrower and their movements. So, once the Orcs were busy, Emily reached down with her bound wrists, and found the flame-thrower and brought it out into the open. Then she carefully started it and aimed it to burn through her bounds. And it worked. Emily was free!

Joyfully, Emily turned to her friends. She went to Pippin first and freed him before going to Merry and lastly Kate. Once all free, Emily quickly outlined her plan. Everyone agreed. Emily had modified it slightly from her original plan, seeing as she was the only one with a 'weapon'. The Hobbits had both lost their swords to Orcs. And Kate had no weapon at all. Only Emily had a weapon—the flame-thrower. But the Hobbits had somehow managed to sneak firecrackers with them.

Not only would the firecrackers help their friends to locate them, but also the firecrackers would wreak havoc and burn and ruin main things around them. And Emily had her flame-thrower to light them—and the Orcs—on fire. So it began. The great battle of their time. The battle between firecrackers and Orcs.

* * *

Within minutes of lighting the first firecracker, they had already killed at least four Orcs and burned many others. Just as the Orcs were about to rush them with weapons, help arrived. Help in the form of riders on horseback. The four quickly fled into the woods and were followed by a stray Orc, bent on killing them.

Kate quickly climbed a tree, as did Pippin and Emily. Merry was the slowest and was caught by the Orc. Emily sent a flame towards him, but missed. And the flame-thrower ran out of juice at that moment. And just as the Orc was about to kill Merry, he was smushed by the tree that Kate, Emily and Pippin had climbed.

The four all looked at the tree with frightened eyes. Emily tried to threaten it with the flame-thrower but had forgotten that it no longer worked. The tree also picked up Merry when he tried to run and began to take them to someone who 'would know just what to do with them'. All four gulped and began to prepare for the worst.

After several minutes, they were brought to a man wearing white robes with long white hair and a beard. "Saruman!" cried the four in fear of the figure standing in front of them who laughed and they got a good look at him. It was Gandalf the Grey, back from the dead!

* * *

The five conversed for some time and then Gandalf ordered the 'tree' to take them somewhere safe until they could be returned home. They argued but Gandalf still won.

Meanwhile, their friends were looking all over for them, searching everywhere, tracking the band of Orcs like mad…

[Author's Notes:

Chapters might be getting shorter but there will be more chapters written for everything and this story should be updated every day from now on. I'm now working on getting a load of chapters pre-written and ready to be posted so that I don't have to do as much work. It will make my life easier and help get these chapters out. On weekends or special occasions, I may post more than one chapter at a time. We will see. Expect the next update, Thursday, August 26th, as it has already been written.

Reviewers!

Ari Moon – Sorry you wouldn't be around. You'll just have to catch up when you get back. Depending on how long you're gone will depend on how many chapters will be posted. And Emily being gone is probably a good thing. Glad you liked it!

A Darker Side of Light – Ya, I think I can fit you in as a Ranger along with a protestor in Gondor. Just what would you like to go by as a name? And yes, unfortunately, we can no longer torture Boromir in this story, but we still have Denethor and Frodo, Sam, and gasp Gandalf! So you enjoy torturing/bothering Faramir's family too huh? Glad to know that someone else is a lot like me!

Jak, Merry, and Pippin wO – You still have your flame-thrower in the story! It's not locked up at the moment! Next time you have to ride in the SUV, I promise, YOU WILL BE STRAPPED TO THE ROOF!


	12. The Five Hunters

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Twelve: The Five Hunters

Tess, Aragorn, Legolas, Dolly, and Gimli were racing after their four missing friends. Tess was driving as fast as the Suburban could go. Aragorn was tracking faster than he ever had in his whole life. They weren't very far behind the Orcs. If the Orcs would only stop for a rest, then they would be able to catch up and rescue their friends. All the windows in the SUV were rolled down and everyone except Tess had their heads sticking out, trying to catch whatever they could as they raced past.

"I have never in my life seen Orcs run this fast!" remarked Aragorn as Tess floored the pedal of the SUV. "Never!"

"They run as if someone were whipping them, forcing them to move faster than ever before!" responded Legolas, breathless from the rushing air. "Such speed!"

Gimli said eagerly, "I can't wait to axe them!"

"Don't worry, I'm sure there will be _plenty _of chances to kill and many Orcs to kill," said Dolly without even so much as glancing towards the Dwarf.

And boy did they all get a shock when then finally stopped…

* * *

A pile of burned carcasses were stacked where the trail they had been following ended. At the pile was a load of horsemen and horses. They were stacking and burning the bodies of the Orcs. Aragorn quickly headed down to them, followed by Tess. Everyone stayed at the SUV. Aragorn strode up to the leader and looked straight at him before speaking.

"Rider of Rohan! What news do you bring from the Mark?"

The 'rider of Rohan' glared at Aragorn before answering. "What do you know, Ranger of the North, of Rohan?"

Aragorn appeared to be insulted. "I know much about your city, Eomer, nephew of Theoden King. More than you might ever wish to know."

"How did you know my name?"

"See, I told you I knew a lot. Tell me, how fares Theoden King, for I wish very much to speak to him?"

"Uncle is not faring well. That worm of an advisor, Grima Wormtongue, has turned him against much. He does not recognize friend from foe. Not even kin such as my sister and I. He is of no mind to speak to at this time."

"What a shame, seeing as we have traveled all the way from Rivendell to speak to him."

"You have wasted your time then, traveling all the way from Rivendell to speak to one who is of no mind to speak."

"Yes, well then, we'd better be on our way. We have other things to attend to."

"And just who might 'we' be?"

"My fellow Ranger and I. That'd be the we. That and some friends of ours. We were tracking a band of Orcs who had captured four of our companions."

"I'm sorry, but your friends must be dead."

"What makes you say that, Eomer?"

"We slaughtered the band of Orcs last night. They had stopped and firecrackers had drawn our attention to them. We left none alive. So if your friends were here, then they must be dead by now."

"Did you see two Hobbits and two 'Rangers' with them?" questioned Tess, speaking for once, which surprised Eomer.

"No I don't recall…"

"They would have been the cause of the firecrackers, I am very sure about that. It is the type of thing that they would do. The Hobbits would have been very short and one Ranger would have had a weapon, which creates fire and flame and would be wearing orange and black. The other Ranger would have hung back in the shadows, shy. All four would be wearing cloaks just like ours. Are you sure that you did not see them?"

"It is possible that your friends managed to escape the slaughter. But I highly doubt it. Look for them, but do not trust to hope, it has forsaken many before you and you would not be the last," said Eomer as he mounted his horse and called to his group, "We ride North!" before galloping off.

Tess was close to tears and Aragorn tried to comfort her but Tess shoved him away and stalked off towards the woods, cloak flying behind her as she half walked, half ran for them. Oh how she longed to be back in one of her homes. Even her parents' house in the city would be better than this. It must have been her fault in some way that her friends and herself had been brought here, to Middle-earth, a place were they didn't belong. And now two of her close friends were missing and possibly dead. And they might be trapped there forever. Tess didn't know how to get home even if they all managed to survive this ordeal.

Oh how her heart longed for her aunt's home in the country. Oh how she missed riding her horse with her cousin over fences, up and down hills, racing each other under the dying sun and beneath the shady trees. _Oh Brego, where are you when I need you so much?_ Oh how she longed for the carefree summer days beneath the shady trees with her beloved horse. But every thought was broken when she ran into an unexpected figure.

Gandalf…

* * *

Gandalf followed Tess out to the others. He had noticed how upset she was and asked her what was wrong. She tearfully explained that she just wanted to go home. She explained her longing for her horse and the shady trees beneath which she loved to ride. The Ring Quest was weighing heavily on her and she wasn't prepared for it. She just wanted to be carefree once more. Gandalf promised that once this was all over that he'd see to it that she got back home along with her friends.

"I thought you were dead!" was the first thing anyone said after Gandalf came to the SUV. They were all shocked to see him. So Gandalf explained what had happened to him.

"We are searching for Merry, Pippin, Emily, and Kate," said Aragorn. "Do you have any idea where they might be?"

"Yes as I matter of fact I saw them not too long ago."

"Where?" questioned Tess, jumping up and shaking the old man. "Where did you see them?!"

"In the forest child. Treebeard found them and is taking care of them. He will keep them safe until they can be returned to their homes."

"Are they all right?"

"They are fine."

"Gandalf, I'm never seen you so calm and serious, what has happen mellon-nin?" asked Legolas with concern in his voice.

"The pot changed me. But when I was sent back, I was sent back with no effects from it. Though I dearly wish for some…"

"Same old Gandalf!" joked Aragorn as he pulled a small bundle out of the back of the SUV. "Here, take this."

Gandalf took the bundle from Aragorn and opened it. To his delight it contained a pipe and some pot. It was his pipe and pot, which had been hidden from him during the journey through Moria. Gandalf had never looked so pleased in his whole life.

Everyone hopped into the SUV and Aragorn add to Gandalf, "If you are going to smoke that thing in the car, you'd better open the window."

Gandalf stuck his tongue at Aragorn and mumbled 'yes mother' under his breath. Tess and Legolas both heard it and started to crack up laughing.

"What the hell is so funny?"

"Never mind!" Tess coughed out between laughs as she started the SUV. Aragorn rolled his eyes but fell silent. And so the group of six headed towards Rohan, to bother Theoden and Wormtongue. And that slimly worm wouldn't have a clue what had hit him once they arrived. And he'd better hope that he stayed on Tess's good side or he'd wish he were dead.

[Author's Notes:

Quite long! And the story just keeps getting better! By the way, who wants to bet that Wormtongue is going to end up on Tess's bad side? I do! Anyways, next chapter due Friday, August 27th. And it will be a double chapter day! Enjoy! Please read and review!

Reviewers!

musical geek – Well the firecrackers seemed just like something that they would do! I'm glad that you think that it is getting better because I think it is too.

A Darker Side of Light – Yea, Frodo is a whiner. Somebody needs to teach him a lesson. And that name does have a ring to it. I should be writing you in about chapter sixteen or seventeen. I'm already writing chapter fifteen so that's why I asked for a name so I can add it once I get to that part.

Krista123 – (Chap. 10) I love that part too!

Krista123 – Yes, math must die!!!!!

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – Yes I celebrate every time he dies in the movies. I was really looking forward to when I was going to be able to kill him. And you just have to celebrate his death! And I'll look for your story. And don't be nervous. If you think it's good and your friend does too, than at least someone else is going to like it too.

Dark Borg Drone – Yep, I'm so doing RotK! I should be starting to write it, not post it soon. I've already got some good ideas for it and am looking forward to writing it.


	13. The King of the Golden Hall

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Thirteen: The King of the Golden Hall

Tess drove quickly to their destination—Edoras. They were going to see Theoden King. Gandalf was explaining more of what Eomer had told Tess and Aragorn earlier. He explained the Saruman, using Wormtongue, had put Theoden under some spell and caused him to lose his mind. Gandalf planned to oust Saruman and Wormtongue from Rohan but he would need their help. Gandalf was quiet sure that they would meet some resistance. So he warned them of that ahead of time. The others were not to let anything interfere with Gandalf.

They soon arrived and drove the SUV into the city. People stared at them and the 'machine', quite surprised at what they saw. On and on they drove until they reached the Golden Hall. Once at the foot of it, Tess parked the SUV and grabbed the keys, stuffing them into her pocket. She then checked to see if she still had her sword and a dagger hidden under her cloak. Everyone else double checked their weapons and Legolas helped the 'old man' up the steps to the doors of the Golden Hall.

Hama stopped them at the entrance and spoke to them. "I can not allow any of you before Theoden King so well armed. It is an order."

Gandalf looked to the five and nodded to surrender their weapons. Legolas handed over his bow and quiver full of arrows along with two Elven daggers. Gimli glanced mournfully at his axe as it was taken away. Dolly handed her sword over. Aragorn handed over his bow and quiver first before his sword and dagger. Tess was the last to hand over her sword and dagger. And she glared daggers at the guards who dared to take away her weapons. Hama tried to take Gandalf's staff but Gandalf responded that, "You wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick, now would you?" and was allowed to walk in, with Legolas's help once more.

They proceeded to enter in single file through the door, Gandalf first with Legolas, then Gimli, then Dolly, and finally Tess and Aragorn. Once entering, they spread out into a line. Aragorn and Tess standing on Gandalf's right, and Gimli and Dolly on Legolas's left. They all walked slowly towards Theoden King and his worm of an advisor, Grima Wormtongue. No emotion could be seen on any of their faces.

Gandalf spoke to Theoden, "Your hall seems to have changed much of late."

"Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Stormcrow?" asked Theoden after Wormtongue whispered something in his ear. Tess and Aragorn surveyed the room and notice a group following them on the side, staring at them. They exchanged glances with each other before returning their attention to Gandalf and Theoden.

Wormtongue was now speaking and saying insults to Gandalf. No one paid any attention to the words he was saying. They were waiting for Gandalf's signal to move. So far, they didn't see it.

Gandalf was now speaking and suddenly raised his staff. The five prepared for the attack. And when Grima yelled and a rush of people came towards them, the five attacked.

The exchanged punches with the attackers. They knocked several people out. One of them exclaimed, "This one's a woman!" as he grabbed Tess around the neck to restrain her. Aragorn turned to her, but she had lifted her right leg and delivered a powerful back kick that knocked him to the ground. Tess smiled and mouthed 'I can take care of myself, thank you very much' to Aragorn as she flipped her hair out of her face. Aragorn shook his head in disbelief and was almost stuck from behind.

"Aragorn! Behind you!" warned Tess.

Aragorn spun around and knocked the attacker out. "Thank you," he said to Tess who nodded and rushed to check on her friends.

Gimli had found Wormtongue. Tess nodded for him to leave and she faced Wormtongue. She began to fight with Wormtongue. Wormtongue wasn't too bad and managed to strike her once across the face. He also tried to distract her by insulting Aragorn. But that didn't work seeing as it only made her madder. Finally she delivered her fist right into his nose, breaking it and the worm sank to the floor in pain.

"You can say whatever you want to about me, worm, but I'm going to have to ask to not talk about my friends like that," she said.

The worm replied, "Bitch!" as he spat at her. Tess kicked him in the head with her boot and he was knocked out.

Tess brushed her long hair back from her face and turned to face the others. Gandalf was now in the middle trying to rid Theoden of Saruman's presence. She walked over to where Aragorn stood, watching Gandalf. She too watched as Gandalf revealed himself as Gandalf the White and returned Theoden to normal.

In the middle of this, Eowyn, the White Lady of Rohan, Eomer's sister, rushed in and attempted to run to the King. Aragorn grabbed her arm and pulled her back, hissing into her ear, "Wait." He gripped her arm as he focused his attention once more on Gandalf.

Tess glanced over at Dolly who came over to speak to her. "Who's that?" whispered Dolly, jerking her head towards Eowyn.

"Eowyn, the King's niece and Eomer's sister. She's also known as the White Lady of Rohan," was Tess's whispered reply. Dolly nodded.

"And why is Aragorn holding her back?"

"So she does not interfere. He is just doing what Gandalf asked."

"Are you sure that you aren't jealous?"

"What? Why would I be jealous of her?"

"Because she's got Aragorn's attention and you don't! I know that you like him!"

"Do not!" hissed Tess.

"Yes you do!"

"So maybe I do," she admitted and Dolly said "A ha!" at this and then Tess added. "But I also know that he loves Arwen very much and that she loves him back and I will not do anything to mess that up."

"Who's Arwen?"

"Elrond's daughter, the granddaughter of the Lady of the Golden Wood. She is an Elf. You have not met her yet."

"Did Aragorn tell you that he loves her?"

"No!"

"Then makes you so sure that he does?"

"Because I know much more about Middle-earth than you do! And that's the way the story goes! When Aragorn is crowned King, he marries Arwen and they are married until he dies at the age of 190. Then she dies a year later."

"So? Nothing that has happened since we have arrived here happened in the book! Things could change!"

"No! That would be a big change! I've tried so hard to keep everything close to the book! I can't mess with something like that! That would throw everything off!"

"So?"

"So?! The Valar only knows what would happen if major events were changed like that! No matter what, I'm not going change what shouldn't be changed."

"So did you know that Boromir was going to die? And that Gandalf was going to come back?"

"Yes!"

"And yet you did nothing?"

"That would be messing with major events!"

"So who's supposed to kick the bucket next?"

"No one else in the Fellowship. Unless us being here has changed that, which I'm afraid it might."

"Great! That's just great!"

"Yea, I know!"

And with that Tess turned back to everything else. The King was being helped by Eowyn and looked much younger than he had moments before. Gandalf must have broken Saruman's hold over him. Theoden was standing up, talking to Eowyn and Gandalf. Theoden had just gotten his sword back. And Wormtongue was awake and slinking out of the hall.

"Get your ass back here worm!" cried Tess as she raced after the fleeing creature dressed all in black. He turned and looked at her and ran. They ran down the steps. Tess tackled Wormtongue and held him down until Theoden and the others were able to come out. Theoden was carrying his sword. Once he was right next to Wormtongue, Tess got out of the way and watched as Theoden raised his sword to strike the worm.

But Aragorn grabbed his arms before the King could deliver the blow. He cried out, "No my Lord, no my Lord! Let him go. Enough blood has been spilt on his account." Then he let go and the King brought his sword down to his side.

In the meantime, Wormtongue escaped from Edoras on the back of a horse, fleeing towards his master, Saruman. Aragorn then said, "Hail, Theoden King!"

Everyone showed their respect to the King, including the visitors. Aragorn looked at Tess who looked back at him. His expression seemed to be saying, 'why did you want Wormtongue killed?' and Tess's read, 'I'll tell you later'. He nodded and broke eye contact with her and walked off.

That's when Theoden asked about his son.

[Author's Notes:

That was a long chapter to write! I just couldn't stop writing it! And today is a double post day! So enjoy this treat!

Reviewers!

A Darker Side of Light – Sure you can teach Frodo a lesson! And Denethor must die! Maybe you can scare him to his death that'd be a nice twist.

musical geek – I know that I love the thought of them driving around in a SUV. It never gets boring when I'm writing this story which is part of the reason why I like it so much. And today, as a special treat, you get TWO chapters!

Krista123 – Evil it is, homework. It must die! Glad you think that the next chapter sounds good.

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – Well I'll have to read it, wouldn't I? Good luck with the writing, I'll leave a review for you.

Dark Borg Drone – This one will defiantly continue, mellon nin. Double chapter day!

Ari Moon – Ahh! You're back! And I did that just to annoy you! Ha! Not, I did it cause I was getting so many ideas that I couldn't stop writing. Hope you enjoy today's two updates too.


	14. The King's Decision

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Fourteen: The King's Decision

Theodred, Theoden's son, was dead. He had been wounded at the Fords of Isen and died while Theoden was under Saruman's control. After his funeral and burial, Theoden King was forced with a very hard decision. Should he or should he not join in the War of the Ring? Gandalf had put him in a very tight spot indeed.

He knew that he should but was it going to be worth the lives of his men? Besides, why should he get involved in this war? It wasn't his war. He shouldn't have to do anything.

But that Ranger, Aragorn, had said that no matter what, war was upon him. What had that Ranger meant? The red haired Ranger with him had also agreed with him. The girl who had broken Wormtongue's nose and beaten him up quite badly. He had never heard of a girl Ranger before but then he had just met two. Which was quite a surprise to the King of Rohan.

The red head seemed quite smart. Maybe she would have some insight into this war and what that Aragorn fellow had meant. So he spoke to Hama and Hama summoned the girl to his chambers.

"You called for me, my Lord?" said the girl politely as she entered.

"Yes I did. I have a problem which I need help with."

"What might this problem be?"

"Should I engage in war with Saruman and risk my men's lives? Would it be worth the cost of lives? Why should I even be bothered with this war?"

"My Lord, you are going to hate my answers, but since you asked I will tell you what I feel. Yes, you should engage in war. And it would be worth the cost of lives. Saruman and Sauron mean to destroy every living person in Middle-earth. Saruman has already begun to threaten and kill your people. If you let him continue, there might be no one left in Rohan at all. This war isn't one person's war—this war affects everyone in Middle-earth. You should join in the war against Saruman if not for yourself for your people's lives."

"Is that what Aragorn meant when he spoke earlier?"

"Yes indeed that is, my Lord. And if that is, I must be on my way. Good day to you, Theoden King and good luck with your decision," said Tess as she bowed in respect and exited the room.

Theoden was still somewhat confused but things were much clearer now. He knew what he had to do now.

* * *

"We ride to Helm's Deep!" Theoden announced to his people. "We ride soon so prepare to leave!"

Hama and others went out to inform the people to prepare. Tess and Aragorn heard the King's decision and quickly went to tell the others. The SUV was once again loaded up. Gimli was going to drive the SUV to Helm's Deep. Tess, Aragorn, Dolly and Legolas were going to ride there. Gandalf made some adjustments to the SUV to help Gimli drive and Tess taught him how quickly. Gandalf then had to ride North to find Eomer.

Later on that day, everyone headed out on the journey to Helm's Deep. Along the way, when they were nearing it, the travelers were attacked by a band of Wargs. Theoden ordered Eowyn to take everyone but the fighters to Helm's Deep. Gimli gave her the SUV to drive and lead the people to safety. She had everyone load their belongings into the SUV so they could move faster. Then they fled while the fighters headed out to meet the Wargs.

* * *

Gimli had had a very hard time driving the SUV. He had almost run over more people than he could count. And it was so hard to control! How on Middle-earth could Tess drive that thing? Well Gimli had so much more respect for Tess and her driving skills than he had before. And he was _never_ going to drive that thing again! He'd much rather take his chances with a horse.

* * *

"You should go with Eowyn," Aragorn told Tess and Dolly as he mounted his horse.

"Like we'd miss a battle? Honestly Aragorn I thought you knew us better by now!" said Tess as she quickly swung herself onto her horse.

"It would be safer if you'd just…"

"We are not backing down Aragorn and that's that!" said Tess as she rode out to meet the Wargs at a fast paced canter, sword drawn.

Aragorn shook his head and muttered something that sounded like 'such a stubborn creature' under his breath and rode out with the Riders of Rohan. Legolas was already at the top of the hill and firing upon the creatures when Tess arrived. She then galloped down to meet the Wargs head on all alone. She had already killed several when Aragorn reached the top of the hill with the others.

Dolly raced down to join her friend with the Riders of Rohan. Aragorn followed, keeping a close eye on Tess. He also glanced at Dolly and was amazed at her skill with the sword in her very fast battle on horseback. She was pretty close in skill to him and was impressed. Tess of course was the only person in all of his years that equaled his battle skill. Not that he was surprised. He knew why too, even though she had no clue herself.

Gimli was having some trouble. Early on in the battle he fell off the back of the horse that he was sharing with Legolas and began to fight on the ground. He was soon trapped under a Warg's dead body and then a Orc came up on top of him which he broke his neck. Then another Warg came up on top of the pile of bodies and was hit with a thrown spear by Aragorn just before he was knocked from his horse.

Tess and Dolly were both soon knocked off their horses and fought side by side until Tess decided to find Aragorn. She found him quite easily. He was fighting on the ground too. She rushed towards him only to see a Warg passing by him. She threw a spear at the Orc riding the Warg and knocked it off. Aragorn then stuck the Warg, killing it.

"How are doing?" Tess asked Aragorn, joining him.

"Not too bad."

Tess nodded and then Aragorn stabbed an Orc riding a Warg behind her and was pulled up onto the back of the Warg. The Warg then attempted to kill Aragorn. Tess ran after them, horrified. Aragorn knocked the Orc off the Warg and was dangling on the side of the Warg. His hand was stuck. He couldn't get away from the Warg. Then the Warg went over a cliff. Tess screamed and raced to the edge. What she saw made her sick.

On the other side, after a long drop, was a rushing river. There was no way that Aragorn could have survived. And if he had, then the river would surly kill him. Aragorn was dead and Tess felt very sick. It was all her fault too. If she had only been paying attention then he wouldn't have to kill the Orc sneaking up on her and then fallen to his death. She bit her lip and stared down the cliff.

Moments later, the battle was over. Legolas was calling, "Aragorn! Tess! Aragorn! Tess! Where are you?"

He stopped speaking when he saw Tess standing on the cliff, clearly upset about something. He walked over to her and looked into her eyes and spoke, "What happened to Aragorn, mellon-nin?"

She began to cry and was unable to answer him. Legolas then heard a strangled laughing sound behind him and went to find it. It was the Orc that Aragorn had fought with before going over the cliff. Legolas went over to it and looked at it.

"What's so funny?"

Dolly came over. She was too puzzled and waited for the Orc's answer.

"He's--cough--dead…" said the Orc.

"You lie!" cried Legolas as he shook the Orc. Then the Orc died and his right hand fell up. Dolly picked up something out of the Orc's hand and gasped.

"Legolas, he's not lying," she said softly as she showed him what she had picked up from the Orc's hand.

Legolas looked into her hand. There lay the Evenstar necklace that Aragorn always wore. That did it. In that instant Legolas knew that his friend was dead. And Tess must have witnessed the whole thing. Aragorn must have fallen or been dragged over the cliff and fallen to his death. Which explained why Tess was so shaken and why Aragorn's necklace had been found by Dolly. Aragorn would never have lost his necklace if he weren't dead. Legolas went to Tess's side along with Dolly and Dolly spoke softly to her friend, trying to comfort her.

"I found this," said Dolly handing the Evenstar to Tess.

"Aragorn would have wanted you to have it should anything have happened to him. You should keep it until it can be returned to Arwen Evenstar," said Legolas.

Then the two led their upset friend to a horse and headed to Helm's Deep with the wounded and survivors.

"Get the wounded up on horses and ride to Helm's Deep. Leave the dead behind," said Theoden King and Legolas and Dolly froze. They knew that Aragorn was dead but leaving Isildur's heir's body behind? They had never imagined that would happen.

[Author's Notes:

Next chapter: the Battle for Helm's Deep! Coming to a computer near you on Saturday, August 28th! And I've hit the 50 review mark! All you reviewers just made my day! 50 is a lucky number for me! I feel so happy that I could write several more chapters!


	15. Battle for Helm's Deep

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* * *

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Fifteen: Battle For Helm's Deep

The rest of the trip to Helm's Deep was event less. Tess was silent the whole time which was quite a shock for Dolly for had known Tess for several years and never known her friend to be quiet without a very good reason. It just wasn't in her nature. Well if it was, Dolly never saw it.

Upon arrival in Helm's Deep, the remaining Riders of Rohan, Theoden King, and Legolas, Gimli, Dolly, and Tess were greeted by Eowyn. She was asking around and looking for Aragorn. When Dolly heard her asking about Aragorn, she figured it would be best to get Tess out of that area fast and before Eowyn could ask them. But Dolly didn't move fast enough. Eowyn saw that Tess had the Evenstar necklace and walked over to Tess and looked her straight in the face before asking, "Where is Lord Aragorn?"

Tess looked startled and she quickly turned and ran. Dolly spoke quickly to Eowyn and explained what had happened. Eowyn seemed slightly shaken when she was told of Aragorn's death. Dolly told her that Tess had been witness to the whole event and she wouldn't speak about it. As a matter of fact, Tess hadn't spoken since Aragorn died. So no one was actually sure as to what had happened to Aragorn.

* * *

Tess ran away to where the horses were being stabled. She found Aragorn's horse and buried herself in the horse's mane and neck. She cried for along time and spoke quietly to the horse in her anguish. She just absorbed the comfort that she felt by being with horses. It made her feel so much better.

"It's all my fault," she admitted bitterly. "It's my fault that he died. If I had only paid more attention to what was going on, then he wouldn't have had to save my neck and died. If only…"

Legolas listened to everything that Tess had said, staying out of sight. Now he knew why Aragorn's death had bothered her so much. The girl blamed it all on herself. But it wasn't her fault. She couldn't have done anything differently. Aragorn wouldn't have wanted her too. Aragorn had known the risks. He had known that it was either her life or his. Arwen would understand why Aragorn had died. Everyone would, including Tess. That was once Legolas felt it was the right time to tell. And now wasn't the time. Aragorn himself should have been the one to explain, not him.

* * *

Aragorn was drifting down a river, unconscious. He was dreaming. He saw Arwen. She looked so beautiful, yet so sad. Why should she be sad? Elrond was going to sail with her into the west. She had no reason to be upset. She was with her family and would remain as an immortal. That was what he wanted for her. If she loved him, she would leave Middle-earth.

He heard her voice in his head. _"Estel, wake up… Your time is not yet up. You have much more work to be done. Go and find the others. The battle has yet to begin. The people need you. Go to them."_

Aragorn felt life in himself once more as someone or something sniffed him. He rolled over and cracked an eye open. He saw a very hairy muzzle and screamed. He jumped up and back, getting away from the muzzle. The owner of the muzzle was a very rattled looking horse. A horse that he had befriended in Rohan. Brego…

"Mellon-nin, I set you free… Why have you returned?"

Brego bent his forelegs and lowered himself to the ground so that Aragorn could mount. Aragorn was weak and slowly slid onto the horse's back, grasping the mane tightly as the horse stood up. Then with Aragorn's command, Brego began to move forward. Along the way to Helm's Deep, Aragorn saw an army coming towards Helm's Deep from Saruman's land of Isengard. An army of at least ten thousand. Helm's Deep would be easily overwhelmed and beaten by this force. No one would survive this battle. Not unless they were warned. But even then, they would most likely lose.

So onward to Helm's Deep Aragorn rode.

* * *

People were heard muttering near the gates. Someone had returned. Tess heard the news and rushed to see who it might be. She knew that it wouldn't be Aragorn. She hoped it was but somehow she knew it was just a fool's hope. So she ran and almost fainted when she saw Aragorn ride into Helm's Deep. She was absolutely shocked at his appearance. He looked like death but he was alive.

"Aragorn!" she cried.

He turned towards the voice and smiled when he saw her. "Did you miss me mellon-nin?" he asked with a smile on his face.

"I thought that you were dead! I saw you fall from the cliff. I truly believed that you were dead. Don't you ever scare me like that ever again!" said Tess as she smacked him.

"That hurt!" he said reaching up to touch his stinging face. Tess raised her hand to smack him again but he grabbed it.

She glared at him before jerking her hand away. Then she handed him the Evenstar. She quickly explained why she had it.

"Legolas found it in the hands of the Orc whose Warg took you over the cliff. He said that you would have wanted me to have it until it could be given back to its rightful bearer. I don't what made him think that, but I took it anyways."

"One of these days, when the time is right, you will know."

"When will the time be right?"

"After the battle for Helm's Deep."

Tess nodded and said, "So is their anyone you need to talk to?"

"Yes, where is Theoden King?"

Tess took Aragorn to where Theoden King was staying and stopped at the doors. Aragorn asked her to come with him but she politely refused saying that their affairs were none of her concern. Aragorn gave in and allowed her to leave. Then he entered the King's room.

* * *

Later that evening, everyone was preparing for battle. Everyone put on some form of armor—even Legolas! Despite Aragorn's wishes that Tess would go into the caves with Eowyn and the other women and children, she refused to do so. She felt that she would rather be fighting with her friends. She also shortened her hair so that it wasn't in her face or a problem during battle with her dagger. It ended up being as short as Aragorn's hair and since she hadn't really been taking care of her hair, it had finally begun to match his hair in color and looks. And since the clothes that Tess wore now were also that of a Ranger's, she looked like a shorter version of Aragorn at the moment which shocked all of their friends.

Eventually they were all in position at the wall. Then a surprise came. An army of Elves, led by Haldir, the Elf that the Fellowship had met in Lothlorien, came to the gates. They were let in and took up positions with the Men. Aragorn was going to instruct the Elves. So he lined them up before checking on his other friends.

Gimli was having trouble seeing over the wall. Legolas just had to pick a spot with an excellent view for archery but the wall was quite high in that area. So high that Gimli couldn't see over it. So it gave Gimli something to complain about.

"You could have done so much better with the picking of a spot Elf!"

"Ya? And then where would the spot have been? This is the best place for archery and you know it! So stop your damn complaining as it is getting quite old!" argued Legolas.

"Oh keep your wig on sissy!"

"What did you just say?"

"Oh nothing…"

"Oh it was something! Why I oughta…!" and then Legolas began to beat up Gimli.

"Five bucks says the Elf wins," said Tess with a yawn to Dolly as she watched the two behave like little children. Why her four rowdy cousins (three being boys!) were much better behaved and much younger too!

"You're on!" said Dolly as she watched too.

But sadly, neither of them won since Aragorn broke up the fight a few minutes later. "Save it for the Orcs," he said to them both.

"They were just trying to lighten this grim and depressing mood," said Tess. "And it was working quite well, I must say."

Aragorn shook his head and walked away. Not but a moment later, the Orcs were heard arriving from Isengard. They marched to the front of Helm's Deep where they lined up a short distance away from the fortress. That's when everything began to go downhill…

* * *

Rain. It was everywhere. It was pouring and visibility was very poor (excuse the pun!). Tess was having a hard time seeing with the rain blurring everything and Dolly was too seeing as the rain kept messing with her glasses. Everyone was miserable and the battle hadn't even begun. And things were about to get even worse.

Within minutes of the battle's beginning, it was very painfully clear that Rohan was going to be on the losing end of the battle. Rohan's small forces, combined with the Elves, were just not large enough to defeat Saruman's forces. The number of Orcs was just too great when it was compared with the number of Men and Elves. But the deathblow came when the Orcs set a 'bomb' off underneath the wall causing its collapse.

Tess, Aragorn, Gimli, and Dolly, along with many others, were thrown to the ground because they had been standing on the part of the wall, which lay above the drain. Saruman's forces raced into the opening in the wall. Everyone who was on the ground quickly got up and came head-to-head with the Orcs. Dolly whipped out a second sword and sliced two Orcs' heads off at the same time. Tess had both her dagger and sword out as did Aragorn and was getting every Orc that she could. She stabbed them in the chest, sliced their heads off and generally was very vicious and showed no mercy to these Orcs.

Gimli was merrily chopping away with his axe, as happy as could be. Legolas was in his element. From the wall he was able to use his preferred fight style with was quite different from the others who preferred a more active approach to fighting. He was able to hit many Orcs with his Lothlorien long bow from the wall. Everyone had really thrown themselves into the battle and it was showing clearly.

A group of Orcs were trying to break through the door. Theoden and his men were trying their best to barricade the entrance. Legolas threw a rope down to Tess and Dolly telling them to climb up the wall. So they sheathed their weapons and quickly climbed once at the top, they lowered the rope to Aragorn and Gimli, telling them to grab on and that they would be pulled up. So they did and the three worked together to raise the Man and Dwarf. Once the whole group of five was at the top of the wall, they raced down to see what Theoden needed them to do.

Theoden split them up into two groups. Tess, Aragorn and Gimli were to go outside and fight. In the meantime, Dolly and Legolas would help barricade the door. So the three snuck around to a hidden door and followed a ledge around to the front. They quickly decided a plan of action. Tess and Aragorn would jump across and Gimli would have to be tossed. The Dwarf actually asked to be tossed which surprised them both but they agreed. Tess jumped first and began to clear a path for Aragorn who would toss Gimli before jumping himself.

The three threw themselves into it, knocking the Orcs off the pathway to stall for time while Theoden's men fixed the door. After about 20 minutes or so, Theoden ordered for the three to come back inside. So they came back and then Aragorn remembered something that Gandalf had told him. Gandalf would be coming at dawn with Eomer and his men.

So Theoden and a group of men, Aragorn, Tess and Legolas (Dolly and Gimli decided that they preferred to fight on the ground than on horseback), rode out to meet Gandalf and his reinforcements and kill as many more Orcs as they could. At dawn, Gandalf and Shadowfax rode up with Eomer and two thousand more men. Within a few hours, the Orcs were finished off and the Battle for Helm's Deep was won.

Eowyn had had the SUV in the caves incase they had to flee the caves which they did, but at the end of the battle, she return it to Tess and Dolly. They thanked her for taking care of it and she thanked them for allowing her to use it. Gimli and Dolly were relieved to be able to ride in the SUV once again. Neither had enjoyed the horses though Tess, Aragorn and Legolas seemed completely at home on the backs of horses. So Dolly was driving the SUV back to Rohan while the others would ride horses and Gimli would sleep.

As they were preparing to leave Helm's Deep for Rohan, Tess asked Aragorn about what he was going to explain to her and when he was going to tell her. He replied that he would tell her once they arrived at Rohan again. She thought that he was avoiding it but said nothing of it. She would know eventually and if it was very important than Aragorn would have already told her.

Or so she thought…

[Author's Notes:

Cliffy! Cliffy! I'm evil I know. Two other chapters will happen before we find out what will happen next. In the next chapter, we will catch up with Sam and Frodo and meet some new characters. And in chapter seventeen, we'll check back in on Merry, Pippin, Emily, and Kate. And in chapter eighteen, we will find out what happens next to Aragorn, Tess, Legolas, Dolly, Gimli, and Gandalf. Part II will be winding down soon and Part III will begin. Until the next chapter, please read and review! Next chapter due: Sunday, August 29th.

Reviewers! (I will reply in the next chapter. Sorry but I don't have time to do it now!)


	16. Rangers

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Sixteen: Rangers

"Sam, I'm bored," complained Frodo. "Can I bounce things off of the back of your head please?"

"Sure, Mr. Frodo, go right a head."

"Okay!" said Frodo suddenly perked up. Then he started tossing rocks at the back of Sam's head. But they weren't bouncing off of it. And Frodo was getting very pissed off at that. So he started throwing them harder at Sam. Suddenly Sam fell over. Frodo had just thrown a particularly large rock at his head and it had knocked poor naive Sam out.

"Sam! Sam! Wake up you fat lug! Sam! Get up!" he cried as he poked Sam repeatedly in the arm. But it wasn't working. Gollum was just off somewhere, doing Valar knows what. Probably talking to himself again.

Suddenly a group of Rangers came out of nowhere and grabbed the unconscious Sam and crazed Frodo. Since Frodo was being so noisy, one of the Rangers, the only girl, grabbed a rock and knocked him on the back of the head with it. He fell silent.

* * *

The Rangers took them to their place and were very interested in finding out about the Hobbits. Two of the Rangers, the leader and the girl were on hand to question the Hobbits once they awoke. The Hobbits' hands were unbounded and they sat down as the two Rangers walked in. The girl seemed to be having trouble focusing on anything but the Ranger that she came with.

The man spoke first. He reminded the Hobbits slightly of Boromir of Gondor. "My men are saying that you are Orc spies. Are you? If not, who are you?"

"Spies? Us? Are you mad?" said Sam in disbelief.

"Oh, he's not mad, that'd be his father," said the girl.

"Mary, shh!"

"Sorry…" said the girl called Mary sincerely.

"Who are you two if you are not spies?"

"We are two Hobbits from the Shire. My name is Frodo and this big lug's name is Sam. We have no other companions."

"Hum," said the man.

"Well, we had other companions, but they are all gone now," said Frodo as he launched into a long-winded tale about the Fellowship.

"Can I make him shut up, please?" begged Mary, fingering her sword.

"Not yet!"

Mary looked upset that her companion wouldn't let her kill the Hobbits. She didn't like them and desperately wanted to make the one shut up for good. But she wasn't about to challenge the leader. If he said to wait, then she would wait.

"…and Boromir of Gondor," said Frodo and he caught the Ranger's attention.

"You knew Boromir?" he asked.

"Yes, we were friends."

"It will hurt you then to learn that he is dead."

"Dead?"

"I'd hoped you'd tell me. Boromir was my brother. I am Faramir."

"Nice to meet you Faramir!" said the Hobbit joyfully.

Mary looked at Faramir, hopeful that he'd let her hurt the Hobbit now. He nodded and Mary drew her sword and began to chase Frodo around yelling at him.

"You hurt my Faramir's feelings! I will kill you now!"

"Ahhh!!!!! Save me Sam!!!! Save me from this lunatic!!!!"

Sam just sat down and watched, amused. "No Mr. Frodo, I think I'll just stay out of this one and watch."

After a few minutes, Frodo was at the mercy of Mary and her sword. She had decided not to kill him but to teach him a lesson. And the lesson was to not bore people when a quick couple of words could do the trick. And that it would save you from upsetting people and then being chased around by a crazy person with a weapon. It would keep you from getting on the bad side of people who have short tempers.

So she let him go so she could find out where Faramir had gone to and see if she could help him with anything.

[Author's Notes:

Sorry that I didn't post yesterday. I really meant to and the chapter was ready but I couldn't get on the computer because I had a really bad headache and was in too much pain to try to figure out how the computer worked and try to read. So I will post twice today so that I don't fall behind. So later today I'll post a quick chapter dealing with Merry, Pippin, Emily, and Kate before tomorrow's post to end the cliffy that I left on Saturday. So next update: Later today, Monday, August 30th.

Reviewers!

(Chapter 13 and/or 14)

Krista123 – Yep, lucky day! Action yea!

A Darker Side of Light – I didn't know that I was consistent with the posting! I thought I was pretty crazy with all my trips and stuff. Guess not lately that is. Hopefully it will stay that way with school starting tomorrow. Advantage to long bus rides—more time to write stuff down. Sorry I cut your chapter short but you'll pop in and out a lot. And maybe you'll end up with Faramir instead of Eowyn. Maybe…

A Darker Side of Light - I can't get my hands back on a copy of TTT Extended Edition so I'm pissed off at the moment but I might add more later on when I can. I asked for it for my b-day (which is next week! Ya!) and if I get it I'll see about changing some things in the story and maybe writing an extended version of my story (is that allowed?). Glad you like my writing and this chapter is for you mellon-nin.

Ari Moon – 50 is a very lucky number for me! And no the spiders are not coming for me! They already came a while back and are now coming for you, mellon-nin!

**TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME** – Welcome!

Dark Borg Drone – Glad you like! More is on the way!

(Chapter 15)

Ari Moon – I didn't plan on it being such a big cliffy, I wasn't even going to have a cliffy there, I was going to have it revealed in that chapter but it just didn't fit in, so it'll be addressed in chapter eighteen, coming tomorrow. Glad you like it anyways. And stay happy!

**A Darker Side of Light** – Had to have them fighting, I just couldn't miss the opportunity! Yep and you'll be hanging around a lot in this story. If there is Faramir, there will be you. A lot of you will be seen in Part III I think. At this point, that is. Freaks rule!

Sarah – Glad that it made you laugh, that was my goal. My friend Kate helped me originate the idea of Gandalf smoking pot and Frodo wearing a pink frilly apron along with them and Sam being gay last year. It was all because of a sugar high and the fact that trials were starting to get to us. It's a long story.

Dark Borg Drone – I know I'm evil and I'm glad that you have realized it. Most people who know me have known for years. I'm only evil when I write though, except that I have a tendency to bit people's heads off when I pissed off. It has to be the red hair.

Krista123 – I hate my cliffy too but I promise that I'll post the end to the cliffy tomorrow. If I get up early enough I'll do it before I go to school. If not I'll post it tomorrow evening. I'm still working out the loose ends of the solution to the cliffy, but I know what'll happen.


	17. Bored

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

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Chapter Seventeen: Bored

"I'm bored!" sang Emily. "Oh so bored!"

"Us two!" added Merry and Pippin grumpily.

"Legolas! Oh where are you Legolas?" cried Kate.

"Oh just shut it about the Elf!" said the three.

"Humph!" said Kate, disgusted.

The others all stuck their tongues out at Kate who ignored them. Then they sat down in a circle and began to organize a plot. They wanted some thing to do.

* * *

Hours later, the Hobbits and Emily snuck out and headed for Isengard. They were going to bother Saruman the White. They hoped that he also had some marshmallows and some flame-thrower juice so that they could throw a party. That would help get rid of boredom. But they didn't know that Treebeard was following them, as was Kate. And Treebeard had an army of Ents with him so that they could destroy the Hobbits.

The three snuck into Isengard and began to destroy things before heading up to bother Saruman. The Ent army followed, also destroying everything in their path. The Hobbits and Emily ran into the Tower of Orthanc. They ran up to the very top where they found Saruman and Wormtongue.

"Hello!" they said cheerfully.

"Why, the two Hobbits have come to me! I wonder if they have the Ring!" said Saruman quietly.

"Do you have any marshmallows?" asked Pippin.

"Or flame-thrower juice?" asked Emily.

"Or food?" asked Merry.

"I think I have all three somewhere!"

"Yay!" cheered the three.

"But first, do you have the Ring?"

"Oh that piece of garbage?" questioned Emily, bored once more. "Oh that's with someone else, we didn't like it. It doesn't do anything cool."

"Damn it!"

"Why?" asked all three.

"Because I wanted it!"

"Why?"

"So I could give it to my master, Sauron."

"Why?"

"So he could rule all of this puny Middle-earth!"

"Why?"

"Because he wants to!"

"Why?"

"I don't know!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't know!"

"Why?"

"Because he never told me!"

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't trust me enough, I guess!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm a failure!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm a crappy wizard!"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't listen to Gandalf the Gay like I should have!"

"Why?"

"Because he's gay! I didn't trust him."

"Why?"

"Because he likes Frodo!"

"Why?"

"Because he's gay!"

"Why?"

"I already told you why!"

"Why?"

"Because he's a great wizard!"

"Why?"

"Because he didn't stray from the path of good, like I did. I was seduced by power. I was my downfall as a wizard."

"Why?"

Saruman ignored them and began to cry. The three shrugged and went off in search of marshmallows, food, and most importantly, flame-thrower juice! Meanwhile, the Ents took over Isengard and flooded the place.

[Author's Notes:

Short and sweet. Aw, the Hobbits and Emily made the wizard cry! Oh well! Next update due: Tomorrow, Tuesday, August 31st.


	18. Secret Revealed

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

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Chapter Eighteen: Secret Revealed

Once arriving back at Rohan, Aragorn took Tess aside to speak to her. He found an empty room and called for a guard to make sure that no one bothered them. He also asked another guard to go find Legolas and Dolly and send them to the room. The guard agreed and took off in search of them. They would knock once they arrived.

Tess followed Aragorn into he room and took a seat in one of the scattered chairs. Aragorn pulled a chair over in front of hers. Then he sat down, facing her. He looked at her and sighed deeply.

"This is very hard to explain. And this will also come as a shock to you. But try not to kill me, okay?" said Aragorn.

"Why would I do that? Nothing's wrong is it?" asked Tess suspiciously. She raised her eyebrows and stared at him.

"No nothing's wrong. Well something was but…"

"Just cut to the chase, okay?"

"Okay. I will. So first off, Dolly told me that you never knew your parents. That you'd been adopted at birth and had no real way of knowing who they are."

"Your point is?"

"I know who they are."

"Then tell me already!"

"I can't, at least not yet."

"Why the bloody hell not?!"

"Because there are some times that you need to be told before hand. This will also complicate things more than they already are."

"Just tell me!"

"You are half Elf. Your mother is an Elf as are her twin brothers. But your father is a mortal man blessed with long life. So even if you decide against immortality, you will still have a long life."

"Is? That's means that they're still alive! Who the hell are they and when can I freakin' meet them? Soon?"

"Hold on, I'm not yet finished! Your parents were secretly married and had you. But they sadly realized that they couldn't keep you here to grow up. It wasn't safe for anyone of your bloodline to be in Middle-earth and it still isn't. So your mother created a spell which allowed her to take you to your world where you could grow up safely. The spell was also set up in such a way that you could be sent back when you were old enough to find out the truth.

"Now a choice lies before you. You can choose to remain here, in Middle-earth, where you will have to face your destiny or, you can return to world that you grew up in. But if you choose to return you'll be giving everything up that is here in Middle-earth. You will not be allowed to return to Middle-earth once you leave. You would be allowed to go and gather your belongings and possibly visit or have people visit you but you must decide in which world to remain."

"Oh okay then. Now who the hell are my parents?"

"Your parents are Elrond's daughter, Arwen Evenstar, and the bearer of the ring of Barahir, Arathorn's son."

"You?!!!" exclaimed Tess, shocked and she jumped up. "You're my father and you never (insert cuss word of choice) told me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Tess, calm down," said Aragorn reaching for her hand, to pull her back down into her seat. But Tess jerked her hand away.

"How long have you know and not told me? How long? How long have you hid this, lying every day? Tell me!"

"I've thought about it since I first met you. You have Elven-like grace like your mother and Elven reflexes and her temper. But you could have gotten some of that from me too because I was raised for some time in Rivendell. Your eyes and skills gave you away. You communicate with horses like no one I have ever seen and better than most Elves. And your skills with a blade are equal to mine though you've had no training. And your eyes are remarkable. The same eyes that I have myself."

"What made you certain that I was your daughter?"

"The first time I saw you fight it was like watching myself in a mirror. I saw myself in your every moment and I saw Arwen. That showed me that you were indeed my daughter. I didn't want you to fight anymore for fear that you would get hurt or killed but I always relented because you were so skilled."

"Why on Middle-earth did you ever give me up? Did you hate me so much that you decided to send me to another world?"

The words stung Aragorn who flinched inwardly before replying. "We had no choice. Arwen knew that the war was coming and knew that evil was actively seeking the heir to the throne of Gondor. This meant that your life was at stake and that it wasn't safe for you to live here. Sauron will do anything to keep a King from returning to the throne of Gondor."

"So my life is very much in danger?"

"Yes, don't tell anyone other than Dolly and Legolas. It's not that I don't trust the others but they might let it slip. These two wouldn't do that so I feel that it's safe. Plus they will be warned that if any harm comes to you I will hunt them down and hurt them."

"They'd just love that wouldn't they?" said Tess sarcastically.

"I'm sure that they would."

Just then a knock sounded on the door and signaled that Legolas and Dolly had arrived. Aragorn went to the door to let them in as Tess took a deep breath as she prepared to tell her best friend the same startling news that she herself had just heard. This was going to take some serious getting used to. And as for her choice, Tess had no clue what she was going to do. No clue at all.

[Author's Notes:

Were any of you expecting this twist? I know I was considering it but it fits in well with the story. It kind of explains why Tess and her friends ended up in an SUV in Middle-earth. And it will have an impact on them returning home. One more chapter I think before Part III. Yikes this story is flying by fast! And, not that any of you care, but I have survived my first LONG day at high school. And I expect that my hour-long bus ride in the morning will be my writing time along with the hours between 2 and 3 AM when I should be sleeping. I'll try to update every day and I think I will so far. If that changes, I will tell you. And I will not be posting on September 8th-10th due a camping trip so I can't do anything about that. I'll try to get those chapters out before then.

Next update due: Wednesday, September 1st.

Reviewers!

A Darker Side of Light – I thought you'd like chasing Frodo around—I know I sure would! You wouldn't die I promise because you will get Faramir out of there alive. And I need you to chase Denethor off the cliff and get rid of Eowyn. Swords do rock!

A Darker Side of Light – Ya, I was just kidding about the sweet part. It was short though. Yes the Rangers will have to save me if the Gandalf fans come for me! But I doubt the Gandalf fans will read my story. Yes Denethor torture begins soon! Well in chapter twenty Part III should begin.

Ari Moon – NO the torture will NEVER end!!!!! Mwhahahaaaaaa!!!!! Sure the demons are coming for me… hears a knock on door Actually that's the men in white coming to take me away to a mental hospital. No I'm not mental, they got the wrong house. They meant to get Nick across the street. Idiots. I think that the Hobbits and Emily could reduce Saruman to tears. There is more to them than meets the eye for sure…

Dark Borg Drone – Never heard of it but when I find free time I'll read it.

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfofME – Glad you liked it. And it was no problem to review your story. As a matter of fact it was my pleasure.


	19. Fights

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Nineteen: Fights

"So Aragorn is your father?" asked Dolly as she packed her things together out of the room that she and Tess had shared during their brief stay in Rohan.

"Ada, you mean," corrected Tess.

"Oh yeah that's right, I forgot that you are half Elf and your 'ada' was raised by Elves," said Dolly in a disgusted, sarcastic voice. "Do you believe that he's really related to you?"

Tess turned to glare towards Dolly before returning to her packing.

"I guess that I do because it makes sense, so I believe it. Or at least I want to believe what he says is true. I'm not sure myself."

"Well then I guess that this means that you'll stay here while the rest of us return home. We'll miss you of course, not that you care," said Dolly harshly.

"Now Dolly, don't act like this! I'm not sure yet as to what I'm doing. I feel torn in two! I want to stay here now that I've found what's been missing, but I also want to go 'home'. I don't now where I belong anymore!"

"Well I can't help you with that," said Dolly as she zipped up her bag and then left the room.

"Dolly?" Tess called but got no answer. She bit her lip before letting a string of colorful language out. The one person whose support had meant the most to her had just walked out on her. And she had also unknowingly walked out on being a part of Tess's life.

Tess finally had the answer to her choice. And she wasn't going to change it.

* * *

Tess and Dolly were no longer on speaking terms with each other. Dolly was furious that Tess might choose family that she had just met over friends that she had known for years. Dolly had always thought that they would all be returning together to their home, but Aragorn had gone and messed that all up now. So Dolly drove the SUV which was loaded with gear and belongings and Gimli. Tess rode alongside Aragorn, Theoden, Eomer, Legolas, and Gandalf. Lately Tess had stayed close to Aragorn at all times and he would often look over to check on her before returning to what he was doing. Eowyn was watching them closely and thought that something was going on between them.

So at the next stop, Eowyn stopped near Tess and pulled her aside to talk. Tess cursed at Eowyn who smacked her across the face. Tess grabbed her face in pain before she took her right hand, made a fist, and punched Eowyn in the nose. While Eowyn was grabbing her nose, Tess unsheathed her sword and leveled it at Eowyn after doing her 'blessing', which her father also did, which was touching her sword to her forehead.

"Ranger!" spat Eowyn angrily. "I don't know what Aragorn sees in you! It's certainly not looks!"

"Well maybe he sees a good person with a good heart and a strong will. Maybe he also sees a quick thinker and a skilled fighter."

"How about a nasty, disgusting, ugly Ranger girl?"

Tess was just about to stab Eowyn when Aragorn showed up, sensing a problem between the two. He walked over and glanced meaningfully at Tess who sheathed her sword and mouthed 'Eowyn'. Aragorn nodded and spoke.

"Do we have a problem here?"

"Aragorn," said Eowyn. "Can you tell me what on Middle-earth you see in that Ranger? I know that you're a Ranger and all that but I thought you had better sense than this…"

"Say whatever you want about me, Eowyn, but I'm going to have to ask you not to talk about my daughter like that."

"_Your_ daughter?" asked Eowyn, unbelieving. "That's mean that you are married, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, I'm married to Arwen Undomial and Tess is our daughter. She may be a Ranger's daughter on the outside but on the inside she is a future princess of Gondor."

"Oh," said Eowyn as she stalked off.

Tess shrugged and Aragorn sighed before they remounted their horses and rode ahead. Dolly watched from the side of the SUV where she was leaning. Anger was clearly showing on her face at Aragorn for taking her friend away.

* * *

On a hill, before Isengard, Aragorn spoke, "The battle for Helm's Deep maybe over, Theoden, but I fear that the battle for Middle-earth is just beginning. We will all face much more before the war is over."

Then they disappeared down the hill, towards Isengard.

END OF PART II

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART III: RETURN OF THE KING

* * *

Special Part III Preview! 

"The fate of us all rest on your shoulders. Do not fail us, Aragorn," said Elrond.

"I do not want that responsibility," Aragorn replied.

(Aragorn receives his sword)

* * *

"Tess!" cried Aragorn as he saw his daughter about to be stabbed by a troll. He raced towards her as she spun around to block the attack.

(March on the Black Gate)

* * *

"I hate war. There's just not enough time to eat anymore," said Merry.

"Me too. We never get a chance to play jokes on anyone anymore," said Pippin.

"Yeah, life sucks shit," said Emily.

(Saruman's Storeroom)

* * *

"Tess is staying behind, Kate. She's not our friend anymore. This world and a father that she barely even knows means more to her than the friends and home that she's known for years," said Dolly angerily. "She never was going to come home with us. She was always going to stay."

"It's not her fault you know."

"Yeah but she's not even trying to do something about it!"

"She'll come around, just give her some time."

(While in SUV)

* * *

"What do you mean the battery's dead?" yelled Tess.

"The SUV is out of juice. It's not going to run anymore," said Legolas calmly.

"So we're stuck here?" asked a frantic Dolly. "Stuck in this crappy place, unable to return to our home?"

"Not that that's a bad thing," said Kate as everyone glared at her.

(At the end of the battles)

[Author's Notes:

Don't kill the author! I'm sorry that I couldn't update yesterday. That's why the preview is here, to make up for the missed chapter. My mom kicked me off everything at 8:30 last night right after I finished washing my hair. I didn't get a chance to do anything! So I was unable to post. But I'll try to post tomorrow or on Saturday. I maybe going to a concert on Friday, so I do, I'm not posting until Saturday, but we'll see!

Reviewers!

Jak – Yeah and you are coming back, we'll see you in the next chapter. And what breadsticks are these?

Ari Moon – Not a big surprise there! J/K! And yeah, I'm still alive (not that anyone really cares, they just want more story!). What three? I'm confused.

A Darker Side of Light - Yes she is sooo going to kick the bucket! I'm glad you liked the twist and the chapter. I thought people would kill me for it. And you're on my side, that means so much to me. Denethor is coming! Ahh! We must torture him. By the way, we played with fire today at school. Matches are cool! I'm a pyro! Hehhh! Fear me!

Dark Borg Drone – Glad you liked it! More coming soon!

Krista123 – It did?! So cool! More on it's way this weekend. (And another double post day! Yay!)

**TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME** - Welcome! Yeah, some of you should have seen this coming. But twists so totally rock! Wheeeeee! (Sugar high!)


	20. Isengard

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Part III: The Return of the King

Chapter Twenty: Isengard

Tess and Aragorn led the group to Isengard. Once they reached Isengard, Pippin, Merry, and Emily greeted them. Emily was toying around with her flame-thrower and shooting flames out of it. Merry and Pippin were smoking their pipes and stuffing their faces with various types of food that they had found in Saruman's storeroom. Aragorn smiled at the three and Tess let out a small laugh. Then the rest of the group rode up and Dolly drove the SUV down. And Kate hitched a ride with Treebeard to see them.

Everyone spoke for a few minutes before they prepared to head back to Rohan again. Pippin and Kate wanted to ride back to Rohan on horses and Merry and Emily wanted to sleep in the SUV. So Merry and Emily climbed into the SUV as Kate swung on behind Legolas and Pippin behind Tess. As the group turned around to head back towards Rohan, something sparkled in the water.

Pippin stared at it before swinging off Tess's horse and hopping into the high water surrounding Isengard. It seemed to draw the Hobbit right to it. Pippin reached into the water and pulled out a shiny round object and exclaimed, "Shiny!"

Everyone looked at him. Kate began to stare at the object in the Hobbit's hands before she to fell under its spell. Kate hopped off Legolas's horse and waded over to the Hobbit.

"Pippin! Get back on a horse so we can get going! You too Kate! We can't afford anymore delays!" called Aragorn.

"I want it! Shiny object!" cried Kate as she jumped on Pippin, trying to rip the shiny object out of her hands.

"No! It's mine! My shiny object! My precious!"

"But I want it!"

"No!!!!! My shiny object!!!!!"

"Give the shiny object to me you half-witted short stack of a creature called a 'Hobbit'!"

The two wrestled for several minutes over the shiny object. Finally Gandalf was drawn to it and plucked it right out of the two's hands. They both glared at Gandalf and looked cross.

"You are all wrong! It's _my_ shiny object! Mwahahaha!!!!!" cried Gandalf as Kate and Pippin cried "Nooooo!!!!!" and jumped on Gandalf, knocking him off Shadowfax and into the deep muddy water of Isengard.

Everyone watched, eyes fixed upon the three crazy people fighting over the shiny object. They fought over it for several minutes before Gandalf decided to cheat. To win, Gandalf whapped both Pippin and Kate in the head with his staff. Then he claimed the shiny object as his own and mounted Shadowfax and wrapped the shiny object up in his cloak and stroked it.

Tess, Aragorn and Legolas dismounted from their horses to lift Kate and Pippin into the SUV for the trip back to Rohan. Dolly drove off ahead of the group to Isengard. Then Tess, Aragorn, and Legolas re-mounted their horses and began to lead the group back to Rohan. There was going to be a big party in Rohan when they returned to celebrate the victory of Helm's Deep.

* * *

Merry, Pippin and Emily were all still sleeping when Kate woke up. At first, Kate was quite surprised to find herself in the SUV. Oh how she had missed the SUV! But she quickly calmed down and climbed into the passenger seat so that she could talk to Dolly. She wanted to know what had happened since she had been gone.

"So, what did I miss?" she asked Dolly as she looked at her friend.

"Well, a lot has happened since you've all been gone," Dolly replied without taking her eyes off the road.

"Tell me about Tess first then. What on Middle-earth has she been up to? Why do her and Aragorn seem like they are glued together anyways?"

"Well we've been in a couple of battles since you've been gone. And just the other day she found out that Aragorn is her father."

"No freakin' way!"

"Yes, he's her father!"

"You are so joking!"

"No, but I wish I was."

"Why would you wish that? You should be happy for Tess! She's finally found out who her family is after all these years! You know how much finding out who her parents are means to her!"

"Tess is staying behind, Kate. She's not our friend anymore. This world and a father that she barely even knows means more to her than the friends and home that she's known for years," said Dolly angrily. "She never was going to come home with us. She was always going to stay."

"It's not her fault you know."

"Yeah but she's not even trying to do something about it!"

"She'll come around, just give her some time."

"That's the last thing that I need to do is give her time! The more time that she has, the more certain it is that she'll stay here! She doesn't want to go home Kate! To her this is her home! She's not going to leave! No matter what!"

"You don't have any proof about that!"

"Do I really need it? Kate I saw her when she found out. I was one of the only people to find out. I was the first one she told for Valar's sake! I saw how happy she was that Aragorn was her father and Arwen her mother! She was completely overjoyed! Why would someone so happy journey back to a place that made them so unhappy?"

"I guess when you put it that way…"

"She's not coming back. You remember how unhappy she was before. She was very depressed often. She's finally happy."

"But there's still a slight chance…"

"Kate, get real. This is Tess we are talking about here. There is no slight chance. She's staying and we are leaving and that's that!"

Dolly was clearly pissed off so Kate decided that it might be best if she let Dolly cool off some before asking her anything else. Tess's decision was clearly eating her up and it wasn't even officially yet. Valar only knew what she'd be like when the decision was final.

[Author's Notes:

Really sorry about the delay! I mean to post yesterday, I really did, but I was at my friend's house and by the time I remembered that I was going to post, it was too late to do so. It was close to midnight and I was half-asleep anyways. So I am so sorry for the delay and will try to do a double post tonight to make for it because I've got ideas and then I'll double post tomorrow. So next update due: either later tonight, Sunday, September 5th, or Monday, September 6th.

Reviewers!

Ari Moon – Why must you kill me? Why? Jak will die soon enough. I thought that was the three but I wasn't sure. And fire rocks! Keep reading! The fun is just beginning…

A Darker Side of Light – Yeah, Dolly's in a bitchy mood isn't she? And yes, Eowyn must die and you will do the honors in a fight to the death over Faramir. The winner gets Faramir. The loser, well, the loser dies. Yes double posts are cool huh?

Dark Borg Drone – Yes, lots more are coming!

Jak – Yes, you are back and you will die and come back, as a ghost so are you now? And the breadstick thing was SO NOT MY FAULT! Anyways, if you really wanted breadsticks, I'll see about getting some for my party, okay? Just for you.

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfofME – Yes it is such a hard choice isn't it? Well the SUV is finally going to have some problems, which may back the decision easier on everyone. And the problem with the SUV happened with my Aunt's SUV this summer. Which is where I got the idea from. I jotted it down with one of my chapters.

Krista123 – Glad you like and more is on the way!


	21. Party in Rohan!

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Twenty-one: Party in Rohan!

A big party to celebrate the victory at Helm's Deep was in full swing by the time Tess, Aragorn, Legolas, Dolly, the Hobbits, Emily, Kate, Theoden, Eomer, Gimli and Gandalf arrived. Gandalf went off to spend time alone with his shiny object and his pipe and pot. Theoden went to his place in the front of the room with Eomer following him. Everyone else just gathered around. Kate was once again glued to Legolas's side and he was already sick of it. And no matter what he did, she followed him. Merry, Pippin and Emily were plotting again as to do with what they would do at the party. Tess of course followed Aragorn around. And Dolly sulked in a corner.

Within fifteen minutes, the Hobbits and Emily had gotten drunk and were dancing on tables, singing songs. Most of them were drinking songs and the three had mugs in their hands as they sang. They also had drinking contests while everyone watched. Tess wasn't paying much attention to it but Dolly was. It raised her spirits just a bit but then she saw Tess and Aragorn talking and she sank back into her depression.

Tess went off to get some drinks and food for her and Aragorn and Eowyn shoved a bowel of stew into her hands. Tess looked at Eowyn expecting to see some evil look on her face but saw nothing. Eowyn looked almost sorry. So Tess stopped her glare before it showed and looked at Eowyn with a curious expression.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier, Tess, daughter of Aragorn. I truly am. I hope you will forgive me. Eat this stew, it is very good," said Eowyn.

"Thank you Eowyn, and I'm sorry for the way I acted too."

"All is forgiven."

"Same here," said Tess as she nodded to Eowyn and walked off. She found a spot at a table and sat down. She was about to take a bite of stew when Legolas showed up, looked scared. Tess narrowed her eyes at Legolas.

"What's wrong with you?" she questioned him. "Dwarf beat you up?"

"Ha ha, very funny. As a matter of fact, your friend has been harassing me again. I'm trying to hide from her. She's crazy!"

"And you wonder why we call her 'Crazy Kate'!"

"Where did you get the stew?"

"Oh Eowyn gave it to me. She said it was a good stew and apologized for her earlier actions. She seems to be really sorry."

"Wait a minute, did you just say that Eowyn gave you this stew?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Eowyn has never apologized to anyone! Never! And no one else had stew here, its not being served. That means that she made it herself."

"So?"

"You humans."

"What's wrong with us, Elf? Need I remind you that I'm only half human and also half Elf? So did you just say something wrong?"

Legolas glared at her. "You are all alike! So naive! Just because someone acts like something doesn't mean anything. Besides, do the words 'broken heart' mean anything to you?"

"Should they?"

"Eowyn was clearly upset when she found out about you being Aragorn's daughter and that he was married to Arwen Evenstar. She had 'broken heart' written all over her. Someone with a broken heart doesn't forgive the person that they hold responsible for their pain the next day. They don't. And they don't make food for them either."

"Cut the chase already, Legolas so I can eat my stew! I'm starving!"

"Anyways, Eowyn blames you for Aragorn's refusal to like her. She wants you gone. She's not sorry, she wants to get even. She wants you dead Tess. That's why she made the stew and went to the trouble to give it to you. She's poisoned the stew so that you can die, Dolly and I can get blamed for it, and she can hopefully end up with your father."

"That's horrible! What an awful woman!"

"Can I see that stew now?"

"Sure you can. I'm certainly not going to eat that now!"

Legolas took the stew from Tess and studied it for a moment before speaking. "Go get your father, Tess. Quickly."

Tess nodded and got up and took off in search of Aragorn. She saw him, talking to Eowyn, who had a cup of something in her hand and seemed to be offering it to him. He was politely refusing it and seemed to be searching for her. Gray-blue eyes met gray-blue eyes and Aragorn walked towards Tess. A worried expression was on Tess's face.

"What's wrong?" Aragorn asked.

"Legolas asked me to find you."

"Why?"

"I'll let him tell you."

Aragorn was puzzled but followed his daughter to where his friend was sitting. Aragorn and Tess sat down besides the blond Elf and Aragorn looked straight at his friend and asked, "What's wrong, mellon-nin?"

"Aragorn, someone just tried to kill your daughter," said Legolas, as calmly as he possibly could considering what was going on.

"What?!" exclaimed Aragorn quietly.

"Someone wants Tess dead and they almost succeeded. They poisoned this stew that she got to eat with some deadly stuff. A few bits would have probably killed her. Take a look at it," said Legolas as he pushed the bowel of stew towards Aragorn.

Aragorn examined the stew for a minute or two. He looked at what was in the bowel and also smelled the contents. Sure enough he could detect several deadly poisons hidden in the bowel of stew. But who would do such a thing and why? No one really knew that Tess was his daughter, or did they? Had word gotten out about her? But could he possibly have enemies that hated him so much that they would try to do something like this to his daughter?

"Who gave her the stew?" Aragorn asked Legolas.

"Eowyn, the White Lady of Rohan."

"Eowyn? You don't think that she tried to…"

"Yes I do."

"What? Why?"

"Eowyn had a major crush on you Aragorn. It was quiet easy to tell. Tess told me about the conversation that she had with Eowyn and it all made sense. Eowyn thought that if Tess died, blame would fall on Dolly and I and that Arwen would also blame you for letting Tess out of your sight and divorce you and then she would be able to comfort you in your grief and end up with you."

"What a sick, twisted little bitch!"

"Tell me about it," muttered Tess under her breath.

"This is crazy," said Aragorn.

"That's what I first thought, ada. But then what Legolas said made some sense. Then finally it made perfect sense. Eowyn sees me as a threat so she wants me gone. I don't know if she's going to give up or keeping on going."

"What are we going to do?"

No one got a chance to answer because at that moment, Kate appeared and Legolas had to run. Kate was chasing after the Elf, calling, "Hey, Legolas! Where the hell are you going? Come back here! Legolas!"

Tess smiled as she watched the tall Elf run from her short friend. Aragorn studied his daughter for a brief moment. How would he have felt if Eowyn had succeeded in killing Tess? Would he be upset? Or would he be glad to get rid of the tag-along? Did he even want her to stay in Middle-earth?

* * *

Emily and the Hobbits snuck some marshmallows that they had found at Isengard and Emily's flame-thrower into the party. They lit the marshmallows and began to chase random people around the room with them, trying to light them on fire. The Hobbits' main targets were Legolas, Kate, and Gimli because they were fun to annoy. Emily was chasing Eowyn around with her flame-thrower. And Emily succeeded in setting Eowyn's hair on fire along with her dress.

Someone dumped a bucket of water on her and put out the flames. But what a sight it was after the water was poured on Eowyn. Her once beautiful white dress had burn marks and was soaking wet. Her long blond tresses were singed and parts were completely gone, swallowed up by flame. She was a mess. Everyone stopped what they were doing and pointed at her as they began to laugh. Tess and Aragorn laughed the loudest.

Fuming, Eowyn spoke to Aragorn, "Can't you keep your monkeys under control, Aragorn? It's bad enough that you can't control your own daughter, but still you should try to get the monkeys to behave better!"

"Was that an insult?" Emily whispered into Tess's ear.

"I think that it was meant that way," was the whispered reply.

"Oh, because I want to be a monkey!"

"Shh!"

"Sorrreeeeeeeee!"

Aragorn said nothing and Eowyn stormed out of the room. Tess called to her," At least your hair looks better!"

"Oh shut up!"

Tess shrugged it off and went back to partying with the others. It was a great way to end a stressful day.

[Author's Notes:

Finally someone got smart about how to deal with Eowyn! Set her on fire! Go Emily! Now, I don't hate Eowyn in the movies, too much, but in this fic I'm taking out all my anger against her on her! She's an okay character but I was always like why can't she stop chasing every guy around? So she finally will! Ya!

Expect next update: Later today, Monday, September 6th. TRIPLE POST DAY!

Reviewers!

Jak – Okay, then…

Ari Moon – Yes it was all your fault! Fireworks! Yay! Ya, my sister thought I had a new pet. Yeah I think that you've barely than yours off. Mum wouldn't let me wear mine anywhere but the house. The car was the limit. And ya, Kate's crazy like that. Breadsticks must die!

Dark Borg Drone – I'll see what I can do. Writer's block is evil! School has that affect on me too, except I'm normally too tired to write by the time I get my ideas.

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfofME – I hate that too, but it works for this story. Glad you like the story!

musical geek – That's okay, I've been pretty busy too. Glad you liked the twist, I was afraid that some people might kill me for that.

A Darker Side of Light – Yes, Eowyn must die! And she gets some of what's coming to her now. But you're going to kill her. Well I did injure my leg but it doesn't impair my writing, just my ability to get from the internet switch to my computer. And I'll try to get some pre-writing in today. But the posts will stop from Wednesday to as late as Saturday due to a trip with my school. Stuck in the woods for several days! Ahh! Maybe I'll get some good ideas. But I'll try to write and post those chapters before I leave. If not, you'll get several multiple post days. And I too am looking forward to seeing Eowyn go bye-bye… And more is coming…


	22. Palantir

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

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Chapter Twenty-two: Palantir

Later that night, everyone went to bed exhausted. They party lasted into the early hours of the morning and most people could barely stay awake long enough to get to their rooms. But they somehow managed it. But the Fellowship and Tess, Kate, Dolly, and Emily had it worse. The SUV was still loaded with gear because the group was going to only stay more night supposedly. So everyone had to get their stuff that they needed for the night from it before going to their rooms.

Tess was still in the same room that she had shared with Dolly and they were now also sharing it with Emily and Kate. Everyone else was in the room next door, expect Gimli who was asleep in the party room. Gandalf had already passed out when the Hobbits went inside. His eyes were glazed over which was surely due to the influence of his pot. But he was completely asleep, clutching his shiny object.

* * *

Aragorn and Legolas were too awake to go to sleep. They stood outside, staring into the distance. They spoke softly for a few minutes before heading inside. They sensed evil inside and ran for the door back into the hall. Once in the hall, they were draw to the room that they were sharing with the others. They threw open the door, having no idea what might be on the other side.

* * *

Merry laid down and fell asleep. Pippin only pretended too. Once Pippin was sure that Merry was asleep, he got up. Pippin walked over to Gandalf and replaced the shiny object with a ceramic water jug. He then began to stare into the shiny object. Then he tried to tear his eyes away from the object but it didn't work.

That's when Tess felt drawn by the shiny object and came running into the room. But then she felt frozen, like some force was holding her in place, like it didn't want her to interfere. Then Merry woke up and tried to call Pippin's attention from the object. And then Aragorn and Legolas came rushing into the room.

Aragorn saw Tess but quickly drew his attention to getting the shiny object away from Pippin. He managed to get it from Pippin's hands but quickly fell under the shiny object's spell. Inside the object, he felt Sauron's presence. But he couldn't stand the object's force long and soon dropped it and slummed to the floor. Legolas caught him before he hit his head.

Then Gandalf woke up and tossed a cloak over the shiny object and everything stopped. The covering of the object stopped all the effects of the shiny object. Tess was able to move and Gandalf was able to wake Pippin up. Tess raced over to check on Aragorn and Merry went to see Pippin. Aragorn quickly got up and everyone's attention turned to Pippin.

"The shiny object, it was a palantir, wasn't it?" stated Tess as she walked towards Pippin and the others followed.

"Correct, Tess," said Gandalf. "Now, Pippin, what did you see?"

"I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw _HIM_!" said Pippin. "And a white tree, in a stone courtyard, it was burning. And the city too."

"Minas Tirith," whispered Tess and everyone looked at her. "Pippin saw Minas Tirith aflame. I have too."

"When Tess, when did you see Minas Tirith burning?" asked Aragorn, concerned.

"I saw it in my dreams when I was younger. I was only a couple of years old at the time. I had a dream that I was trapped in a white stone courtyard that was burning. A withered white tree stood in the center and was also on fire. I was calling someone's name but I don't remember whose it was anymore. I was trapped in the fire. Finally I was cornered and everything disappeared. The dream ended."

"Sauron must be planning on attacking the capital of Gondor then. And also he must be planning on killing Aragorn's heir," said Legolas.

"So he knows about Tess then," stated Aragorn.

"But does he know about the Ring, Pippin? Did you tell him about the Ring and Frodo?" questioned Tess as she stared into the Hobbit's eyes.

"No, I said nothing of that sort."

"Then we are somewhat safe."

"We will need to speak to Theoden in the morning. Gondor while be attacked soon and if we are too late, the city burn. The question is, will anyone of us be there and be trapped?" said Aragorn.

[Author's Notes:

The next chapter will deal with Arwen and then after that, we will see Gondor and Mary and the Rangers! Hopefully the Arwen chapter will be up tonight so that Gondor can be seen tomorrow!

Reviewers!

Ari Moon – I told you yesterday that you should have named it Smaug! And you did! I'm happy now! 'Cause now they are both named after something in Lord of the Rings. My unicorn is still named Brego and is sitting on my shoulder. Fireworks rock! And Emily drunk, that's something that isn't hard to imagine! Glad I made your day!

A Darker Side of Light – I hope it will be a triple post but I still have some things to do before I have to go to sleep so I'm not sure. I'll try my best. But hopefully, we will see you in tomorrow's chapter! If I get this other up tonight that is.

Jak – I knew that you'd like that!


	23. Arwen

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Twenty-three: Arwen

Arwen was leaving Middle-earth. She had decided that despite how much she wanted to stay in Middle-earth that she shouldn't. She wanted to stay with her father and Aragorn had told her that if she loved him, that she would leave the shores of Middle-earth and sail for the Grey Havens. She had an escort that was taking her to the ship. She was saddened because she would never get a chance to say good-bye to Aragorn. And she would also never get a chance to see her daughter if her daughter even lived long enough to make it to Middle-earth.

Suddenly, she saw someone in the woods. It was a young woman with short, curly ratty, brown hair and striking gray-blue eyes. She was dressed in Ranger clothes and carried a sword and dagger hooked onto her belt. She ran to a man who looked just like her, only different. The man smiled at her and the Evenstar shone brightly in the light. The two quickly mounted their horses and rode away and Arwen's vision faded away into nothing.

Arwen knew that she had seen her daughter. She also knew that Aragorn had found her and that she was safe. And Arwen knew that she had to stay in Middle-earth. She had to see her daughter. She just had to get to know her. So she turned her horse around rode back to Rivendell to speak with her father.

* * *

Elrond was surprised to see his daughter ride up and greet him with a slightly cold air. She stormed up the steps and spoke to him.

"How long have you known without telling me? How long?"

"Since what, my daughter?"

"Since you saw. You have the gift of foresight and know you have seen her. When did you see her? Tell me ada!"

"I saw her a while ago."

"And yet you said nothing!"

"That future is almost gone, no matter what."

"If I leave now, I will regret it deeply. I can not leave now knowing that she is here and Aragorn too. I can not."

"Yet you would have before?"

"I didn't have the same responsibilities before."

"You should leave Middle-earth. There is nothing for you here, only death!"

"There is also life! And love! I can not leave them here! I could not do that to them, not without seeing them."

"Aragorn will not survive and neither will the girl."

"How do you that is a fact?"

"I don't. I just want you out of Middle-earth because I am a greedy dress-wearer!"

"So you do wear dresses!"

"No I don't!"

"You just said so, ada!"

"No I did not!"

"Did too!"

"Okay, you caught me."

"And I'm not leaving. And that's final. By the way, now is the time to re-forge the sword. And you must give it to him. He will need it before the end, whether or not he wishes to have it."

"If I must," sighed Elrond.

"You must, or I'll hate you forever!"

"No!"

"Then do as I asked!"

Elrond then stalked off and Arwen laid down and closed her eyes, dreaming about seeing Aragorn and her daughter once more.

[Author's Notes:

I have done it! A triple post day! Yay! I have to go now, but the next update will be tomorrow, Tuesday, September 7th! Until then, I wish you all good luck with your lives!


	24. Gondor

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Twenty-four: Gondor

Gandalf was taking Pippin with him to Gondor to warn the Steward of Gondor about Sauron's plan. But he wasn't to say anything about Aragorn at all because that would upset the Steward. And Pippin wasn't supposed to say anything about anything at all. That was for everyone's good. They really didn't want to tick the Steward off right away. There would be a time and a place for that later. Now, they needed the Steward on their side.

It took Shadowfax three days to take Gandalf and Pippin to Minas Tirith, the capital of Gondor. Around and around they rode through the various levels and gates to the citadel where the Steward was.

The current Steward was Denethor, of the house of Hurin. He had two sons, Boromir of Gondor and Faramir. It was no secret that Boromir was his favorite of his two sons. News of Boromir's death would destroy everything that Gandalf hoped for.

But Gandalf didn't have to worry about speaking of Boromir's death because the Steward already knew. And he asked about where his son was because his horn had washed up and it was cloven in two. The Steward quickly flew into a rage when Gandalf ignored his question. Pippin quickly spoke of Boromir's bravery at the final battle, which softened the Steward. Then Pippin pledged his life to the service of the Steward. That made Denethor happy until he saw his youngest son, Faramir.

With him, Faramir had Mary and a small group of Rangers. Denethor began to yell at his son for no apparent reason. The yelling ticked off Mary who began to chase the Steward around the citadel with a flaming torch, yelling at him. Mary threatened to set him on fire if he didn't stop speaking to Faramir the way that he did. He begged for mercy but not before Mary set the edges of his robes on fire. He screamed and stopped the flames out. Then he ordered the guards to send Faramir, Mary and the Rangers back to Osgiliath.

Gandalf was pissed off and decided to hit people with his staff.

"Poke!" he cried as he poked them with his staff. He mainly poked Denethor because he was a big, ugly bully to Faramir and deserved to be treated in such a manner. He actually managed to knock Denethor down and make him twitch convulsively on the floor in agony. Gandalf was so overjoyed that he skipped out of the room singing, "We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard, Gandalf!"

[Author's Notes:

Sorry that this chapter is so short! I wrote it on the bus this morning and I can't see how I can add to it or anything and I wanted to get a post in today. My camping trip is canceled due to weather and I'll be posting every day hopefully this week. So next update due: Wednesday, September 8th.

Reviewers!

(Chapter 21)

Dark Borg Drone – I just hate when that happens and I try to avoid it by having several chapters written before I first post. Then I have something to start with.

(Chapter 22)

Ari Moon – And I remember when a firework got you at your birthday!

A Darker Side of Light – Yes PotC is VERY addicting, and there will be parts of the story that take place in Osgiliath, just not this chapter.

(Chapter 23)

Ari Moon – And yes, I don't like Elrond either! He is a greedy dress-wearer and I'm glad I wrote it in! I'm so glad that I made your day! I know that all the reviews sure made mine J

A Darker Side of Light – Yes triple post days are good, huh? And yes, Gondor is here. And Elvish rocks!

Dark Borg Drone – Ya, I'll be sure to tell Elrond that. He's a major pain in the ass.

Laer4572 – I'm glad that you like the story! Keep reading!


	25. Preparing for War

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

****

Chapter Twenty-five: Preparing for War

Aragorn and Tess were sitting outside in Rohan. Suddenly they saw the beacons of Minas Tirith light from across the mountains. They both jumped up and raced full speed for the Golden Hall.

"The beacons of Minas Tirith! The beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid!" cried Aragorn as they ran into the Golden Hall and came to a halt.

"And Rohan will answer that call! Muster the Riders!" ordered Theoden.

Aragorn and Tess exchanged a smile before leaving the hall in separate ways. Aragorn was going to stables to see to the horses because being a Ranger, Aragorn was always already packed. Tess was closed to being packed and really had very little to do but she wanted to talk to her friends. So Tess went to the room that she shared with her two best friends and found Kate already there, busy packing.

Kate had been the first person to leave the Golden Hall after Theoden's announcement. Therefore, she was the first girl back to the room. She was rushing through packing when Tess entered because she wasn't sure how soon they would have to leave. Kate glanced up when Tess passed her to gather her own things together. If Tess hadn't passed her line of sight, Kate wouldn't have known that the girl was there. Kate said to Tess, without taking her eyes off of her packing, "So Dolly tells me you are Aragorn's daughter."

"Yes I am," said Tess trying to keep the surprise at the question out of her voice.

"She also tells me that you aren't coming home with us. She says that you are staying here, in Middle-earth to be with Aragorn."

"I have a choice to make but it has not been made official yet. There is still time for it to change. But yes, I have seriously considered remaining here with my family."

"But you'd never see your family and friends again if you decided to stay here!"

"Family? What 'family'? Those people are by no means my family! My family is Aragorn and Arwen, my parents. My parents, Kate! I've finally found my parents! You have no clue as to how much this means to me, to find them and the world that I was meant to be in!"

"Do you really belong here though? Is this really your home? Don't you miss your home just a little bit?"

"Home? What home? I've been in so many homes, I don't know which one is mine anymore. And always, the people living there trying to make me feel like part of the family. But it never feels right. This does."

"What about this could feel right?"

"I feel a stronger connection with this world than I ever felt in any other place in my whole life. It's like a wonderful dream and I have this fear that if I even consider leaving it that it'll fade and I'll be stuck in the awful, cramped world that we are from. I don't want to lose this place, Kate! I want to stay here! I want to with my parents!"

"And you are willing to give up your friends to do so? To stay with your parents in this strange world?"

"It's only strange because you don't understand it!"

"And what about our world? Do you understand that?"

"I do and because I understand it I hate it! Middle-earth is like what I always wanted home to be. Free from this crazy skyscrapers, roads, pollution, drunk drivers, and cars, all of the city stuff! I just wanted the country to be the way it used to be. It's that way here."

"But what about your friends?"

"What about them?"

"By staying here, you will be losing Dolly, Emily, and I. But you already knew that, didn't you? You know that it's impossible to communicate between worlds."

"But I always thought that you'd visit me and I'd visit you! What's wrong with that?"

"But that's not going to work well. We have no clue as to whether or not we can even get home, let alone visit! Besides what about Brego? After all of the hard you did to get him you're what? Just going to give him up? You can't bring him to Middle-earth."

"But ada said I could get my stuff and then come back. I'm sure he'd have no problem with me getting Brego and bringing Brego back!"

"Will you just give it up already? Aragorn is lying to you! He's just stringing you along! Why can't you see that? He's not going to do anything he says. Everyone knows that you can't trust a Ranger!"

"My ada is not just a Ranger! He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and he is the lost King of Gondor!"

"Stop with the fairly tales already! Aragorn is no more a King than I am!"

"It is not for you to decide to deny the return of the King!" cried Tess as she turned around and raced from the room.

"What have I done?" whispered Kate as she sunk down into the floor. "What was I thinking?" She had only been trying to convince Tess to go home with them but instead she seemed to have turned her friend against her even more. And Kate couldn't blame anyone other than herself for doing that. It was all her fault! She should have left it all alone. But she just _had_ to try to make it better and end up making it so much worse.

* * *

Faramir, Mary and the Rangers had returned to Osgiliath. They had been told to defend the city at all costs. No matter what, the city that Boromir had reclaimed for Gondor must hold. There would be no giving in to the Orcs or any other foul creatures that tried to take the city.

It wasn't long after their return before some Orcs invaded the shores. The Rangers all hid behind pillars of stone to wait for Faramir's signal. Upon his signal, they were all to begin attacking the marauding Orcs. This would hopefully give the Rangers the element of surprise and with that an upper hand in the battle.

The Orcs rushed passed them in waves and when Faramir was ready, he raised his hand and yelled, "Now!" and the Rangers attacked. The Orcs were surprised and many were killed with in minutes. But then everything changed and the Rangers began to lose. It had turned within minutes from an Orc slaughter into a Ranger slaughter. Faramir knew that it was time to pull back so he gave the order calling, "Horses! Get to the horses! To Minas Tirith!" as he headed for the horses. The Rangers quickly mounted their horses and galloped to Minas Tirith.

"Are you okay?" Mary asked Faramir.

"Yeah, I'm just surprised that my plan did work. It should have worked! If Boromir had done it, then it would have worked…" said Faramir.

"There's no proof of that!"

"But that's what father would say."

"Faramir, your father is an insane psycho freak who is more worried about Boromir than you! He just never liked you Faramir so stop trying to do what he wants because he'll never be happy with you, no matter what you do."

"That may be true but I don't care."

Mary gave up trying to talk sense into Faramir as Fell beasts attacked the fleeing Rangers from the air. Many of the horses and Rangers were knocked to the ground, killed by slashes from the beast's powerful claws. Faramir and Mary were the only two who managed to survive the attack and that was because of Mary.

Mary saw a Fell beast aiming for Faramir and rode in front of him so that she could take the worst of the blow. She was left winded and fell off her horse but kept Faramir from serious harm. Faramir too fell off his horse and they were both dragged to Minas Tirith.

When they were first brought in, everyone who saw them thought that they were dead. Everyone but Pippin the Hobbit that is. Pippin tried to tell them that it was probably just an act and that they were alive but everyone ignored him. Denethor was soon told of two Rangers being dragged into Minas Tirith. Denethor ordered that a pyre be built for Faramir and to just leave Mary off to the side to be dealt with later. Denethor was going to commit suicide upon the pyre. The pyre was built and Denethor stood on it with guards waiting to light the pyre on fire upon his command. The guards were very eager to kill the crazy steward but they were very sorry that Faramir had to be involved.

Mary woke up, as the guards were about to set the pyre on fire. She quickly stole a torch from a nearby guard and began to chase Denethor around the tombs. Denethor screamed like a girl and acted like one too.

"How dare you try to burn Faramir alive? How dare you?" yelled Mary as she chased the Steward around with a crazy look on her face.

"He's not alive! Faramir is dead, as are you! Please, spirit, have mercy on me! I only wish to die with my son at my side!"

"He is alive! What part of that don't you get? The he, the is, or the alive?"

"No he's not!"

"He's just sick! And you are the cause of that! You are the reason that my Faramir is hurt! I will kill you now!"

Denethor opened the doors and ran out to the citadel. Mary followed him, yelling, "Do you have any idea as to how much pain you have caused for my beloved Faramir?"

"He is in no pain!"

"Yes he is! You hated him for being who he was! You always wanted him to be more like Boromir. Well look what happened to Boromir! He was all brawn and no brains and that's what got him killed!"

"But Boromir knew what to do to win battles! Faramir is a softy and has no clue how to win any sort of battle!"

"That's no excuse!"

"So?"

"So you ruined your son's life! I love Faramir and I will no longer stand for you treatment of him!"

Mary lit the Steward who was doused with oil on fire with her torch. The crazy Steward screamed and began to run. Mary chased him and made sure that he ran right over the cliff. She watched him burn as he flew through the air and then landed on two Orcs, killing them. Denethor, the Steward of Gondor, was no more.

Mary tossed her torch off the cliff before she ran back to see Faramir. He was still alive but clearly very ill.

"Get Pippin! Get the short stack called a Hobbit! And also get a healer!" cried Mary as she grabbed Faramir's hand. "Valar, I will not stand by and watch him die! He can't die! He's too perfect to die and too young! Don't you dare die Faramir!"

* * *

"Mr. Frodo, why are you still crying over Gandalf's death?" asked Sam.

"Because he was the only one who understood! And we loved each other!" sobbed Frodo as he clutched his frilly pink apron.

"But you still have your Sam with you. And you love your Sam too, don't you Mr. Frodo?"

"No! Now go away Sam! Go away and leave me with my sorrow! Besides, I know you want my Ring but you wouldn't be getting it!"

"I hope you crawl in a hole and die Mr. Frodo! You don't deserve to live!" cried Sam as he stalked off and left Frodo all by himself with Smeagol/Gollum. Frodo was quite glad to be rid of Sam, but he tried not to show it.

Author's Notes:

I worked really hard to write this chapter for you guys! Do you like it? I hope you do cause it's late and I'm tried and today was my birthday and I have also hit the 100th review mark! Yay! I will hopefully, if time allows for it, post a double some time this weekend. I have the chapters written, it's just typing them up that takes time. Expect next update: Saturday, September 11th.

Reviewers!

Ari Moon – You got to love that song! You sing it all the time! By the way, my fellow classmates and me go to school in an old mental hospital. Gee, I wonder why they picked that building? And we got locked in a cage!

Dark Borg Drone - That's good. I'll have to find some time to read it when you post. I don't get much time to read fan fiction anymore cause of school.

Laer4572 – Even I don't know! And I'm writing the story! I have an idea, but whether or not the SUV gets there, well that's for the SUV to decide.

A Darker Side of Light – Well you get plenty of chapter to yourself this time and you get to talk! Well it rained and stormed all three days so I was glad to not be going this week. We are trying for October now.

musical geek – You got to love that Gandalf song! I wrote it for my first LotR fic, which was deleted by And my friends can't stop singing it! Ahh! Well, maybe that'll shut them up, and Jak, if you are reading this, yes there will be breadsticks tomorrow! So you can stop asking!


	26. Gollum

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

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Chapter Twenty-six: Gollum

"Moo!" said Emily, sound asleep. She had been talking in her sleep lately. And she'd been waking Tess and Dolly up. "Moo!"

Emily suddenly got up and headed for the door. Tess and Dolly followed her out the door and watched her walk off heading away from Rohan.

"Where on Middle-earth is she going?" asked Dolly, confused.

Tess shrugged and led the way to the SUV. Tess climbed in the passenger seat while Dolly climbed in the driver's seat. Dolly started the engine and slowly followed Emily.

"Moo! Moo! Moo!" said Emily as she began to sleep-run instead of sleepwalk. "Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo!"

Many hours later, they finally stopped as Emily came upon some thing else. A creature, lurking ahead. Dolly killed the engine and the two hopped out of the SUV and tracked Emily on foot. Emily went to the creature, which was strange looking and seemed to have many issues. Emily woke up to see the creature and poked it.

"What are you?" she asked the slimly, flesh colored creature.

"Gollum, gollum," replied the creature.

"What's your name?"

"Smeagol. Gollum, gollum."

"Why are you here?"

"The precious. We wants my precious backs. The hobbitses took it from us, and we wants it. We wants it, gollum, gollum."

"What hobbitses?"

"The fat one and the one with the frilly aprons. Gollum, gollum."

"Sam and Frodo?"

"Yessssss," hissed the creature.

"Cool! Moo!" said Emily as she poked the creature again. And again and again. Finally, the creature got so pissed off at Emily, that it turned around and bit Emily's right-handed pinky finger off.

"Moo!" cried Emily.

Emily shot a flame from her flame-thrower at the creature who shrieked and ran off in the woods. Dolly and Tess headed back to the SUV and Dolly started it once more. Suddenly, the SUV rolled down the hill and ran over Emily. "Moo!" she cried as the SUV flattened her. Tess screamed and hopped out of the SUV and rushed to the flat body of Emily.

Suddenly, a misty form of Emily rose from the flattened body, crying, "Moo!"

"What is that?" asked Dolly, poking the misty form.

"Moo!" cried Emily as she poked Dolly in the ribs. "I am a ghost! Wee!"

"Valar!" yelled Tess and then followed it with a string of cuss words in Elvish and common tongue. Lots of colorful language.

"Um. I think we may have a problem," said Dolly as she pointed to the path, which they had come down. "Which way is Rohan?"

"Um, that's a good question. And I have no freakin' clue which way we came. And damn it! I left my maps in my bag which is still in my room at Rohan!"

"Moo!" said Emily. "We are lost! Moo!"

"Oh, Valar, where's a map or a navigationally challenged Ranger when you need one?" said Tess as she sat down on the ground.

"Moo!"

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Author's Notes:

Sorry that it's so short! But my original idea didn't work caused it was straying too much from the original story line but maybe I'll work it in later. If not, oh well, it will join the many discarded chapters and ideas that I have. And I'm sorry about the delay but my family and homework have descended on me this week and weekend and have kept me from posting. I will try to post within the next two days if it is at all possible for me. I get home late and I'm tired when I do get home.

Reviewers!

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A Darker Side of Light – I really have tried to stay close to the original story but it's been hard for me because I'm trying to remember every single detail of the movies in my head because I have no reference while I write this. I'm normally writing on the bus on my way to school and I can't fit my books in my back pack and I can't watch the movies either. But if things seem odd well I changed things anyways, but I do try hard. And I'm glad that you liked your part because I worked really hard on that part of the chapter for you.

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Ari Moon – Thank you and I'm moving to the loony bin soon! Ahh! And my mum says it's a good thing cause she's been thinking about sending me to one for years.

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Laer4572 – Yes, poor Kate. She tried at least. And yes, someone needs to stand up to Frodo!

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Dark Borg Drone – I hate that feeling. And here's some more story mellon nin.

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Hanna M – I didn't even know what a Mary Sue was until you posted this review! I had to ask my friend and I'm sorry if it seems like that to you but humor is in very short supply at 5:30 am when I'm writing this while half asleep and if you haven't notice, no one in my story is perfect. They all have problems! I'll try to put more humor in because I've noticed that's its not really funny anymore.

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musical geek – Yes, Denethor finally got what was coming to him! Thank you and I had a good birthday. I got the Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition and enough money to buy the Two Towers Extended Edition!

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Jak – We are getting back to you! I promise! Sorry about the breadsticks, again.

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legolasina – A new person! Glad that you like the story and one of my friends is Emily, and behaves just like that! Her big complaint was that she didn't say moo enough in the story, which has been fixed.

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TrekieGreenieShannaraElfofME - Glad you still like it and here comes some more! Yay!


	27. Lost Again!

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

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Chapter Twenty-seven: Lost… Again!

"Why do we always have to get lost?" asked Dolly. "Why is it always us that gets lost? Why can't someone else ever get lost?"

"Well, Aragorn got us lost that one time…" offered Tess.

"But that's not the same thing as being lost!"

"Moo!" said Emily, happily.

"And now Emily's a ghost and Gollum's loose in same area as we are currently trapped in! And we have no map or food or anything at all!" yelled Tess, furious as she realized their situation.

"Chill out Tess!" said Dolly.

"I can't chill out! I feel the need to strangle someone!"

"Moo!" said Emily, smiling as she floated around with her flamethrower.

Suddenly something came out of the bushes and Tess grabbed it around the neck and squeezed it. The thing's eyes began to bulge out and it made strangled sounds as it tried to escape from Tess. But Tess didn't let go. She kept taking all of her anger out on it. Dolly finally realized what Tess was strangling and tried to get Tess to let go, but Tess ignored her friend's cries. So Dolly had to come over to Tess and pry her fingers off one by one from the neck to get her to let go. The thing then staggered back, gasping for breath. Tess went to reach for sword but came up empty handed. She reached for dagger too but it was also in Rohan with everything else.

"Why did you stop me from killing it?" growled Tess at Dolly while Emily went, "Moo!"

"Because that 'thing' is Samwise Gamgee, Frodo the pink frilly aproned gay short stack's little friend! He might be able to help us figure out where we are! And we could use some help like that!" said Dolly, trying to get her point across.

"Like he really knows this area any better than we do?"

"Well I for one would to see you try to figure it, Ranger's daughter!" spat Dolly.

"I can track a bit, not as well as my father, but well enough for me. And I have some knowledge of Middle-earth, even though it's fading fast. But even that can't help me figure out where we are!"

"Could you get us to Mordor? Instead of back-tracking to Rohan?"

"Maybe. Though I don't see the point in doing so. Everyone and everything is back in Rohan. So why go to Mordor? It'd be a waste of time."

"But the war will end at the Black Gate, which is the entrance to Mordor. I mean, what are the chances that Aragorn doesn't bring the fight to Mordor? If we can get there by the time the others do, we could probably get home!"

"I see your point! Let's drive!" cried Tess as she jumped into the SUV's driver's seat and started the engine.

"Come on, Sam, Emily," said Dolly as she opened the back door for Emily's ghost and the Hobbit. They climbed in and she shut door before climbing into the passenger seat.

Tess hit the gas and they were off, racing to find Mordor. If only they could get out of the damn trees, then they would be able to see Mount Doom. Finally, after an hour, Tess had guided them out of the trees and she found the fires of Mount Doom. She then floored the gas and the SUV zoomed off towards Mordor. Their journey to Mordor was coming to an end.

Author's Notes:

Short and the story will be winding down in the thirties I think. The chapters will get shorter and more frequent. The next chapter will back at Rohan then we'll jump to Siege of Gondor and then finally the journey to Mordor. Then all the paths will converge and the story will come to an end soon. Probably by October.

Next update due: Thursday, September 16th

Reviewers!

Ari Moon – The moos have come! Me too. Have her e-mail me the description so I can see it! Yes you did, you character smusher!

Jak – You should like it! It was based on your idea!

Laer4572 – Well, that's what she wanted. But she'll still be a menace! That's a promise!

Hanna M – No your review made me re-think the direction and change it before I lost everything that I had before. And keep reading cause it's just going to get better from here on out!

Dark Borg Drone – This one is the RotK part!

A Darker Side of Light – That battle promises to be a good one! And Gollum shrieks in my mind! And I'm glad you liked it!

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfofME – Character violence is fun! When I start doing weird things then you know I've been watching way too much CSI! Thanks and good luck on your own story!

musical geek – Glad you liked the chapter! I do love the extended editions! They are my favorites! I like them longer cause then there's more story and more to enjoy! It's random. Emily says "Moo", Dolly says "Ba" and I say "Neigh". But Emily's obsessed with her "Moo". Emily's there to keep the tension to a minimum.


	28. Where Are They?

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

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Chapter Twenty-eight: 'Where Are They?'

It was morning in Rohan. Aragorn was the first person to awake in the room that he shared with Legolas and Merry. So he went to find Tess, assuming that she too would be awake. But he didn't see her anywhere. She would have been up, preparing to leave soon. There was no way she would still be asleep. Yet she apparently was. What was going on?

As Aragorn headed out from the building to the stables to search for Tess, Kate came racing out of the room that the four girls shared. She was yelling, "Tess! Dolly! Emily! Where are you?"

Aragorn spun around quickly to face Kate. "What's going on Kate? Where is my daughter?"

"Tess, Dolly, and Emily are all missing! I woke up and they were all gone! Their stuff is all still here but they aren't!"

Aragorn strode into the room and spotted everything that belonged to the girls still there. He noticed Tess's bags all packed whereas everyone else's were half-packed. But something was very wrong. Tess's sword and dagger were still there, sitting beside her bed and she would have never left to go anywhere without them. Also the covers on three of the beds were hastily thrown aside, like they had been in a hurry.

Aragorn bent down to the floor and saw tracks belonging to the three girls. Emily appeared to be leading while Tess and Dolly were following at a distance. Aragorn tracked the footprints outside to where the SUV had normally been parked. But the SUV was missing from its spot.

Aragorn ran back inside to find Legolas. His daughter and two of her friends were missing. Some thing was going on but as to what is was, he didn't know. He just knew that his daughter and her friends might be in danger, which scared the normally calm Ranger.

"Aragorn, mellon-nin, what's wrong?" asked Legolas as Aragorn came running back into the hall.

"Tess is missing as are Dolly, Emily and the SUV. Every thing else that they own though is still here, including Tess's sword and dagger."

"Any clue as to what may have happened?"

"No."

"So what are we going to do? Theoden is leaving with the Riders soon for Dunharrow. You do remember the war, don't you Aragorn?"

"I do, but…"

"No buts, Aragorn, this is serious! Would you rather risk Gondor and all of its people or your daughter?"

"I want to find her but the war is the more pressing matter I guess."

"Then hurry up! We may find them later Aragorn but now we have to get ready to leave. Besides, Tess is a smart girl. She can take care of herself."

"She's my daughter. A Ranger's daughter. So why wouldn't she be able to survive?"

"See? She'll be fine!" said Legolas as he went to gather his stuff and wake Merry up and prepare to leave.

"She'll be fine? I don't think so!" growled Aragorn as he went back to the girl's room to gather Tess's belongings to take with him.

He gathered her pack and sword and dagger. He would return the sword and dagger to her because she would need them to fight. He also gathered her friend's belonging but they would have to be left behind at the campsite while they went off to war. Aragorn knew he was heading into war, but war wasn't on his mind. Finding his daughter was. He had never gotten to know her before and now that he did, he didn't want to lose her. He'd already lost her mother and he didn't want to lose her too. But his duty as Elendil's heir was to put Gondor before his family.

Sadly, Aragorn mounted his horse, who was named Brego and hung Tess's sword and dagger to the saddle. He also had her pack attached to his saddle. Everything else had been sent with the packhorses, which were also carrying the food and gear. It was a long ride to Dunharrow and an even longer ride to Gondor.

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Author's Notes:

It's short and I've had for a few days but I haven't been feeling well and my homework wasn't giving me any computer time. So today will be a double post day to play catch-up with the chapters that should have been posted yesterday or earlier. And I'll see about doing a double post tomorrow too.

Reviewers!

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Ari Moon – Yes you are a character smusher! The badger dance is mentioned in Chapter 30! So you'll see it tomorrow! And Emily is cool so she's going to follow us around. And I was pissed off that's why I strangling Sam. But he has to survive so he can… (Nope not going to give it away yet!)

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Laer4572 – Yep the flamethrower is back! Glad you liked the last chapter and today is a double post day so two chapters!

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Hanna M – Good and here's an update! The first of two today!

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Dark Borg Drone – I have to put Aragorn's song in the story! It's my favorite! It's even on the RotK soundtrack! Hopefully I'll read and review your stories today! I haven't any time to read anything at all during the week!

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Jak – Not for a while yet, but yeah it'll will come to an end eventually. Probably by October. But Daredevil is still a cool movie! Remember when the DVD decided not to work?

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TrekieGreenieShannaraElfofME – I can't get enough of CSI! I'm going to have to tape Season 5 and CSI: NY cause they'll both be on after I'm asleep but Spike TV is showing re-runs of the first four seasons in the evenings from 7 to 9 (2 episodes) on weekdays which gives me enough time to get home and do my homework before it's on. Not a problem. Your story is good.

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A Darker Side of Light – Yep who could forget the whole "Death!" thing and then the ride?! And the Siege of Gondor is today's other chapter! And how could I miss out on an opportunity such as the Paths of the Dead? I think I'm going to have some fun with that one! And the fight's going to be good! Yep the SUV is going to go see Shelob! So that'll be interesting seeing as my character's very much afraid of spiders!

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musical geek – Yep that's her job! Glad you like the chapter!


	29. Siege of Gondor

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Nope, unless I've lost my memory recently, I still don't own the _Lord of the Rings_. I wish I did, it would make me feel so much better but I don't. I may be confused by the heavy drugs that I'm on but I'm not that confused, I hope. So don't sue me or I might have to hurt you!

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Chapter Twenty-nine: Siege of Gondor

"Release the prisoners!" cried an Orc from the ground. Something was loaded onto catapults and sent flying through the air. Heads of Gondorian soldiers hit the soldiers in the line of fire. The Siege of Gondor was beginning.

Pippin was running around in front of the citadel laughing like a crazy person. He had loads of fireworks in his arms and was aiming them at the Orcs on the ground. Then he ran around looking for a torch to light them.

Mary heard the crazy laughter and went to see what it was. She was shocked to see Pippin running around like someone on some heavy drugs. "Pippin! What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all!"

"Get back here you short stack, lunatic!"

Pippin laughed and ran away, Mary chasing him to the firework pile. Pippin quickly began to light the fireworks and send them towards the siege towers and the Orcs. Mary watched him, without interfering. Shooting fireworks at enemies was something that she would do. If she wasn't so worried about Faramir that was.

"Faramir! I'm coming!" cried Mary as she raced back to where Faramir was coming. She had been so amused by the Hobbit that she had almost forgotten that Faramir might need her and that he was still recovering.

Fell beasts were flying by overhead and Pippin quickly aimed a firework at one as it passed. The fell beast swallowed the firework and then it exploded in its stomach, killing it. Pippin let out some more maniacal laughter.

Gandalf came over to the citadel and a passing firework singed off his beard. "Fool of a Took!" roared Gandalf as he smacked Pippin on the head with his staff.

Pippin laughed more insanely than he had before and then he started hopping around. He was beginning to resemble Dolly or Emily, or even Kate, on a sugar high.

"Sugar! Wee! SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Pippin, as he hopped around and continued setting off fireworks.

Gandalf started to smack himself in the head with his own staff until he passed out and began to twitch convulsively on the ground.

"Bombs away!" cried Pippin as he laughed. "MWAHAAAAHAAAAA!"

Orcs were trying to break through the main gate so Pippin aimed for them. Pippin alone was one of the few things keeping the Orcs from entering Gondor. More and more fireworks were thrown onto the Orcs, keeping in them in pain and away from the gate. But then suddenly Pippin ran out of fireworks.

"Oh, fell beast shit!" cried Pippin as he hopped away to the safety of the citadel.

Orcs managed to break through the main gate and everyone raced to guard the gate of the first level. Orcs burned and killed anything in their path on the way to the next gate. But as they reached the first level gate, the sound of horns were heard.

Everyone's attention turned to the fields of Pelennor. Rohan had arrived.

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Author's Notes:

I'm BACK!!!!! Yes!! And I'm not in too much pain at the moment! Well, I'm still pretty out of it and on some heavy drugs, but oh well! I know you are all confused, so I'll explain.

I was feeling pretty sick all of last week. Well Sunday night, it all caught up to me and I was in terrible pain to my stomach. I was wide awake in pain until 4 am Monday morning when I was finally drugged. I was supposed to get up in two hours to go to school but that never happened. When I woke up I was still in severe pain. I had to go to the doctor and then I was sent to get x-rays done. And the pain was coming and going in waves of severity. But I was always in pain (and I still am, it's never stopped yet). Well Tuesday afternoon, it was really bad. I had gone for blood work because the x-rays were negative. But after the blood work, I came home and had a really bad attack of pain and I had to go to the hospital.

Yep, I ended up spending 13 long hours in the ER in serious pain with an IV in my hand. I had to drink two bottles of disgusting crap, which almost made me barf. My pain shots (which I didn't get until like six hours after arriving) didn't help the pain. I was in the hallway where the ambulances come in on a bed in a row of four people. Two others had to drink the same stuff I did and had the same pain. The last person was an old man who had broken his left hip.

Anyways, I didn't get home until 4 am Wednesday and I was on serious narcotics and was stumbling around, hitting things. (I had just been woken up from a drug-induced sleep) And, well I slept all day. I'm finally feeling better and I finally get a chance to write! I haven't been to school all week and I'm missing my first field hockey game of the season (and it's against my old school!) this afternoon. I can't even go watch because I have to go see the doctor again and then the dentist wants to give me my retainers all during the game!

Hopefully I'll continue to get better and be back in school tomorrow. I'm very sorry about the long wait between updates and I'll try to write a lot this afternoon now that I'm feeling better.

The next update will be called "Journey to Mordor" and will be with the SUV crew. Chapter 31 will be about Dunharrow and then Chapter 32 will either be about the SUV or the Paths of the Dead. Just so you all know what's planned so far!

Reviewers!

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Jak – Yes, that shall be interesting…

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Ari Moon – Why did you curse me! Ah you must have made me sick! BADGER, BADGER, BADGER! Ya, but Kate's, well, Kate. Yes, poor Aragorn. Sorry you had to wait!

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A Darker Side of Light – Glad you liked it! The fight is going to be good and I'll be writing soon. It'll probably be in healing place when you two fight over Faramir. Sorry that I fell behind with posts. I'll try to catch up this weekend.

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Dark Borg Drone – Aragorn was my first Elvish teacher, as was Arwen. Elvish rocks!

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Laer4572 – She might help, if she goes to the Paths of the Dead.

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musical geek – Thanks and here's some more! And my friend just _had_ to bring over some homework yesterday! groans Oh well, my teacher sent a note saying that I didn't have to do it! But I'll do it anyways. And I got a posterboard that everyone had signed with a picture taking the second week of everyone in my class with it. I'm going to hang it up in my room.


	30. The Journey to Mordor, Not!

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Why would I be writing this if I was J. R. R. Tolkien?

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Chapter Thirty: The Journey to Mordor, Not!

"I'm so sick of this car!" sang Tess, completely off-key. "I want to get out! Oh so badly!"

"Moo!" cried a sugar high Emily. "Moo! Moo! Moo!"

"Emily! Stop it already! We get the point! So you can stop mooing already!" yelled Dolly, looking cross.

"Moo?"

"I think you have hurt Emily's feelings, Dolly," said Tess.

"I'm sorry Emily, I didn't mean it, really I didn't. I just have a freakin' splitting headache!" yelled Dolly.

"MOO!"

"Not again!" groaned Dolly as she clapped her hands over her ears. "Make it stop! Make it stop!"

"Can't do that Dolly, I'm trying to drive," smirked Tess from the driver's seat. "Don't want me to crash now, do you?"

"Right… I wouldn't want you to get us stuck somewhere again now would I? It's already bad enough that you got us stuck in Middle-earth!"

"Like that was my fault? Kate was _driving_!"

"She may have been driving and fighting with Emily but who got us sucked into Middle-earth from the highway on the way to Ocean City?"

Tess opened her mouth to say something was quickly shut it.

"Ha ha!" cried Dolly in victory.

Tess quickly mumbled some curses under her breath in both the common tongue and Elvish but Dolly took no notice.

"MOO!"

* * *

During a break in from travel, in which time Tess slept, she had a dream. She was back at Helm's Deep. The battle was due to begin soon. But when the horn sounded and Tess, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and Dolly went to see who it was, things changed. Instead of the Elves and Haldir, badgers in cloaks had come.

The badgers shed their cloaks and began to do the badger dance, while singing, "Here come, here come the badgers!"

Tess looked around at the people surrounding her in shock. Legolas and Dolly were singing the badger song with the badgers and Theoden and Gimli were doing the badger dance. And there was Aragorn, nodding his head to the beat of the badger song.

"Ada!" cried Tess as the dream began to quickly fade. "Ada come back! Ada!"

"What's wrong Tess?" asked Dolly, looking at Tess, concern showing on her face for her best friend.

"I just saw my ada but he left before I could speak with him! It was only in a dream…"

"What was the dream about?"

"Helm's Deep. The badgers had come to Helm's Deep instead of the Elves and everyone was acting strange."

"Did the badgers sing the badger song?"

"Yes they did. And you and Legolas sang along with them."

"Cool!"

"Moo!" said Emily, happy.

"They also danced the badger dance. Theoden and Gimli danced with them and it was crazy! And ada was there, nodding his head to the beat. But he didn't see me and dream fade quickly."

"Was that it?" questioned Dolly.

"Yeah."

"So what's wrong? That'd be a good dream to have!"

"Moo!" said Emily in agreement.

"What's wrong is that I miss my ada and he was there in the dream! I want to go home! I want this journey to come to an end so that I can have a normal life with my parents!"

"But you were never normal!"

"So?"

"So your home isn't here in Middle-earth! And neither is your family! You know that. You belong back in the country with your aunt and cousins and your horse. You remember how much you love Brego and your school and your family and your friends, don't you?"

"I do remember all of that but that's no longer a part of me. It was all a lie, and attempt to blend in! I miss Brego very much but I think ada can help me get him to Middle-earth."

"Like that will ever happen!"

"Moo!"

"You know what Dolly?"

"What?"

"I think that this is where we part. For good," said Tess in a final, serious tone as she climbed out of the SUV.

"What?"

"Continue on to Mordor if you wish. I'm going back to find my ada. This is good-bye," spoke Tess as she shut the door and ran off the direction from where they had come.

"But…" Dolly began but was cut off by the slamming of the door. It was useless. Tess had gone, disappearing on foot into the gathering darkness.

Dolly climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. "Yeah I guess this is where we part," said Dolly bitterly. "We must continue on while you run from every thing like you always do. I just hope you find what you are looking for."

"Moo?"

"No Emily, we're not going after Tess this time. This time we move on. This time she is on her own."

"You mean you'll let her die out there?" questioned Sam, from the trunk.

"If that's what she wants, then yes, I'll no longer chase her or interfere with what she wants."

"Then I will!" said Sam, taking charge. "Emily, go find Strider. Tell him that Tess is out in the wild, looking for him, on foot."

"Moo!" said Emily as she floated away to find Aragorn, leaving an angry Dolly behind with the Hobbit.

"What the bloody hell did you do that for?! I didn't want to interfere with what Tess wanted! If she wanted to kill herself, I was going to let her!"

"I wasn't interfere with Tess by doing that. I was interfering with Aragorn. There's a difference and he would want to know."

"Not much of a difference though! And I don't give a damn as to what Aragorn wants to know! It's his fault that she's out in the wild anyways! Now Sam, go do the badger dance before I kick you out of the SUV and make you _WALK_ to Mordor with me chasing you in the SUV!"

"Okay," sighed Sam as he sang the badger song and did the badger dance.

Dolly smiled and hit the gas pedal, sending the SUV zooming towards Mordor and the end of her journey. She would track Frodo to Mordor, make sure that the ring was destroyed and then go home. She would leave Tess behind in Middle-earth. She no longer cared about what her friend did. She just wanted to go home to her family, her dog, and her computer with the internet. She wanted this whole thing to end. Forget the trip to Ocean City, she wanted to be home.

Author's Notes:

Not very short this time! Things have changed a bit in the plot line so now the next chapter will be about Tess and her attempt to get to Dunharrow and find Aragorn. So far, the title is "Brego" and it will be up shortly followed by an appearance by everyone's favorite (not!) greedy dress wearer. Hopefully today (Saturday, September 25th) will be a double post day but I make no guarantee.

Reviewers!

Laer4572 – Yep, I do! Most of my story ideas come from real life. Just last night, at dinner with my parents, I came up with the idea of exploding french fries.

Jak – Yes, Jak, we all know that you like needles but that's because of who you are. And that IV bloody well hurt! And sugar highs rock! Plus I have some lyrics for our band's song "Excess Energy"! Weee!

A Darker Side of Light – Thanks and I'm feeling much better. I went back to school yesterday and wrote several more chapters by hand. And you know what's odd? I had chinese the other day, but it wasn't wan tons but it still made me feel better! Who's day would be made by Pippin and fireworks? And Eowyn is going down!


	31. Brego

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it! And I probably never will!

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Chapter Thirty-one: Brego

Tess ran through the woods at break-neck speed. She followed the SUV's track back to where they had first been lost when following Emily. She now knew where to go. She knew that Aragorn would no longer be in Rohan because Theoden and the Riders of Rohan were heading to the camp at Dunharrow before moving on to Gondor and war. And she knew that she had to be close to Dunharrow.

Suddenly Tess heard a horse and turned around, startled. In the bushes she saw a familiar muzzle and then a whole face. A white star shone on the horse's face and the plate on the leather halter glistened. The horse then stepped out of the bushes and stopped in front of Tess, a lead rope dragging along the ground. Tess glanced at the nameplate, which confirmed her thoughts. The nameplate read, 'ES Brego'.

"Brego! Mellon-nin! You found me! Oh Brego I've missed you so much!" cried Tess as she hugged her horse. "I thought I'd never see you again!"

Brego nickered and gestured to his back. Tess understood immediately what Brego was telling her. She quickly tied the lead rope into reins, flipped the reins over Brego's head and hopped lightly onto Brego's bare back. Then with a whisper in the horse's ears, Brego took off at a gallop heading for Dunharrow.

* * *

Meanwhile, Emily had floated to Dunharrow and after searching, she found Aragorn.

"Moo!" cried Emily upon spotting him.

"Emily?" questioned Aragorn when he heard her voice and then stared at her. "What happened to you?"

"Long story. Moo!"

"Where's Tess, Emily? Where's my daughter?"

"She's coming to find you. She set out on foot from the SUV. I was sent to tell you of her coming. Moo!"

"What was she thinking, wandering the wild alone?"

"She is not alone. She has found a friend and he is helping her get here. They will be here soon I believe."

"What?"

"Moo!" replied Emily as she floated off, leaving a confused Aragorn behind.

Aragorn stared after Emily for a moment before taking off in search of another tent for Tess.

* * *

Not too much later, it was beginning to get dark. Tess had finally reached the outskirts of the Dunharrow camp. A guard noticed her and stopped her from entering. He grabbed Brego's reins, pulling him to a halt.

"Who are and what business do you have at our camp? Speak quickly!" roared the guard at Tess.

"Unhand my horse you freakin' ass hole!"

"What did you just call me, little one?"

"I just called you a freakin' ass hole, ass hole!"

"I can not unhand your horse, no matter what you call me. It is the orders of Theoden King."

"Well maybe you can at least help me. I need to see the Ranger called Strider. He is a guest of Theoden King."

"There is no such Ranger here. You are liar!"

"But there is a Ranger here known as Aragorn, son of Arathorn, this much I know and I must speak with him!"

"There is no such Ranger at this camp! You will have to be taken to the King because I think you are a spy! And we don't like spies much!" said the guard as he pulled Tess off Brego and grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the tent of Theoden. Brego was led away by another guard.

Tess protested and cursed the whole way. She did not like the way that this guard was treating her. But the guard refused to listen to a word she said and continued to drag her alone. Finally they arrived at Theoden's tent and the guard stopped for a moment to speak to the guard at Theoden's tent before they continued into Theoden's tent. Theoden looked up when he saw them enter.

Theoden was quite surprised to find a young Ranger, who was weaponless, being dragged into his tent. He was even more surprised to hear all the cursing come out of the kid's mouth which was Elvish. He stared at he Ranger for a moment before he saw the flashing, angered gray-blue eyes and then looked into the face of Aragorn's daughter.

"My Lord, this ruffian is demanding to speak to a Ranger named Strider or Aragorn. I have told him repeatedly that no such Ranger is at this camp, but he insisted that there is. I think he might be a spy, my Lord," said the guard.

Aragorn heard Elvish being spoken as he passed Theoden's tent. He stopped and listened for a minute and was disgusted at the words being spoken. Someone was clearly very pissed and an Elf. Then he heard his name mentioned and he entered the tent.

"Did I just hear my name said?" asked Aragorn.

"Why, Aragorn, yes you did," said Theoden.

Aragorn smiled at Theoden and turned to see who had been cursing. To his surprise, he saw a person dressed in Ranger clothing, who had just traveled a long way with short, wavy, messy brown hair. The person turned around to face him and Aragorn saw the gray-blue eyes that mirrored his own, filled with anger and hate.

"Sir, I must demand that you let that Ranger go," said Aragorn to the guard.

"Why?"

"Because you don't know who it is that you have. That is no mere Ranger. That is a very angry Ranger who is half Elven and I know them very well."

"My Lord?" asked the guard, looking to Theoden for approval. Theoden nodded and the guard released Tess who spat a series of Elven curses at the guard before going to Aragorn's side.

"Ada, can you ask that they return my horse also?" questioned Tess.

"Sure. Sir, do you happen to know where my daughter's horse is? We like it back now," said Aragorn.

"Your daughter, my lord Aragorn? I did not know you had a child! Forgive me for my actions!"

Tess opened her mouth to say some thing rude but Aragorn stuck his hand over her mouth and spoke before she could. "You are forgiven. Now could you find the horse?"

The guard nodded and ran out of the tent. Aragorn uncovered Tess's mouth and turned to face her.

"You sure now how to make an entrance, Tess."

"Sorry but he refused to let me speak to you. He thought I was a spy and he dragged me all the way from the outskirts, where I rode in, to here. I was pissed off."

"I know, I heard you cursing from outside the tent. You need to work on your language, my daughter."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Now, where have you been?"

"Emily was sleep walking that night so Dolly and I followed her in the SUV. Before we knew it, we were lost and then we ran into Gollum, who bit Emily's right hand pinky finger off. Then Dolly lost control of the SUV and ran over Emily, flattening and killing her. Now she's a ghost. And then we decided to drive to Mordor. Then Dolly and I got into a fight so I left and decided to try and find you."

"And where did you find a horse?"

"He found me actually."

"What?"

"He's my horse, ada. The one I've told you about? He must have been included in the spell because he found me. He brought me to Dunharrow."

"Can you show me this horse of yours?"

"Sure," said Tess, leading the way out of the tent. She stopped outside and called, "Mellon-nin!"

Sure enough, Brego came to her. She hugged her horse again and then led Brego to Aragorn.

"Ada, this is Brego. He's my horse."

"So this is Brego," said Aragorn and then he spoke Elvish in a whisper and thanked the horse for bring Tess to the camp safely.

"Yep, isn't he wonderful? I missed him so much!"

"Where did you keep him, before?"

"He stayed at my aunt's house in the country. My cousin has a horse herself, one named Beauty and he stays there, with my cousin's horse."

"Do you see him often?"

"Not often enough. I only get to go and see him on weekends or breaks or during the summer."

"Oh."

"Yeah, it sucks."

"I can imagine."

"So where am I supposed to stay?"

"Oh, I had a tent saved for you. Emily came and told me that you were coming so I got a tent set up for you."

"But what about my stuff? Its all back in Rohan!"

"Nope, I brought all of your stuff with me to the camp. I hoped that I would be able to return it all to you."

"Well where is it?"

"I'll show you," said Aragorn, leading the way to the tent that was Tess's and Tess and Brego followed.

Author's Notes:

Longer than I originally thought it would be! Anyways, the next chapter is called "Anduril" after Aragorn's sword. Maybe it'll posted today, but it all depends. It might be posted Sunday, September 26th. But if I feel like typing it up, I'll post it today.

Reviewers!

(none at this time, so if you review, you will be mentioned later!)


	32. Anduril

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Now what do you think?

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Chapter Thirty-two: Anduril

Aragorn was having a nightmare. He saw Arwen, his beloved Arwen. But she was not well at all. She had decided to stay in Middle-earth and she was dying. She had stayed because of him and because of that she was dying. And then she spoke, "I wish I could see them, one last time," as she closed her eyes and subcome to an eternal sleep. Aragorn then heard a noise that pulled him from his nightmare but it also caused him to draw his dagger.

Someone was in his tent. Aragorn turned around quickly and pointed his dagger at the invader. He then looked at the invader and saw a pair of frightened gray-blue eyes staring back at him. It was only Tess. She was in his tent.

"What is it?" Aragorn asked.

"Theoden wants to see you, ada. Is some thing wrong?"

"What?"

"Is some thing wrong? You look upset, ada."

"Oh, it's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," said Aragorn as he put his boots on and then left his tent, Tess following him. He walked from his tent to Theoden's tent.

As he entered Theoden's tent, Theoden said, "I'll leave you alone," as he left and as a stranger in a black cloak stood up and walked towards them.

"Bet they didn't drag them in," remarked Tess.

"Shh."

"So, who is that ada?" she asked as the figure removed his hood and revealed an Elf underneath it.

"That is Lord Elrond of the Last Homely House in Rivendell. He is Arwen's father. He even raised me when I was much younger."

"And why is he wearing a dress?"

"Because he's a pyscho. That and I think he's been in Gandalf's pot stash. Or he's just been around Gandalf too much."

"That explains so much."

"Aragorn, I have come on the behalf of one I love. Arwen is fading and her fate is now tied to that of the Ring. Well that and she sent me to deliver a shiny sword that she blackmailed me into re-forging."

"Anduril, Flame of the West, forged from the shards of Narsil, the sword of Elendil, the sword of the King?" questioned Tess.

"Who are you, boy?" asked Elrond, seeing Tess for the first time. "Why are you even here? And how on Middle-earth do you know so much?"

"This so-called 'boy' is my daughter, Tess. She knows much of our world that even Gandalf doesn't know."

"Your daughter?"

"Yes, Lord Elrond, this is Arwen and my child. I'm sure that Arwen has told you about her or you have foreseen it."

"Oh I foresaw it all right!" said Elrond, angered.

"And you tried to prevent nana knowing about it by sending her to the Undying Lands! You greedy dress wearer you!"

"How dare you accuse me of some thing?!"

"I just did."

"Well, you don't know what happened. Arwen had a vision on the road to the ship. She was going to pass into the Undying Lands because that's what Aragorn had told her to do, but she changed her mind."

"What? Ada, did you tell her to leave?"

"Elrond made me! I never wanted her to leave!"

"You need to start thinking about someone besides yourself, Elrond. You are too greedy and I know that you are stealing nana's dress and want her to stay with you so you can steal them!" said Tess as she turned to face Elrond.

"You are no child of Arwen Undomial! You are a stranger and I suggest that you leave this tent!" yelled Elrond.

"How do you know that she is not?" asked Aragorn.

"Arwen's child would have had an identifying mark, being the child of the Evenstar. Even you should know that, Aragorn."

"Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"Well, what do you think, Ranger?"

"Children! Behave!" yelled Tess, stepping between the two. "Now tell me more about the mark, before I kill you myself."

"The mark would be that of the Evenstar and it would only show up in Middle-earth."

"Like this?" asked Tess as she slid the left side of shirt off her shoulder and pointed to a mark on it.

"The Evenstar!" cried Aragorn.

"No!" cried Elrond. "It can't be! She can't be Arwen's daughter, she can't!"

"But she is. You yourself can see the mark. Are you such a doubter that you need more proof than that?"

"Then she must leave this war Aragorn and stay in Rivendell where she will be safe. You know that Sauron will hunt her if he finds out. You can not risk this Aragorn!"

"But I want to fight!" said Tess. "I don't want to hide! I've spent my whole life in hiding. I want to fight now!"

"But in Rivendell you would get to be with your nana, child. Don't you want to spend time with her? You've never met her…" taunted Elrond. If he could get the girl away from Aragorn then he could get rid of her.

"I do want to met nana but I want to stay with ada! I'd never met him before either and I don't want to leave him now!"

"Aragorn, it's your call as to what to do."

Aragorn looked at his daughter. Her hair was messy, she was dressed in Ranger clothes and she barely resembled a girl let alone the beauty that was Arwen Undomial. She was a Ranger's daughter if she was anything. She loved the wild and was a good fighter and she would find Rivendell confining. Aragorn himself had felt that way. Plus she would feel horrible if he died and she would think that if she had only been there that she could have saved him. But the war wasn't safe and if Sauron found out about her, she would be a target. She too could die and then Aragorn would feel horrible. But Aragorn knew in his heart what he had to do.

"She would be safer in Rivendell but heart would long to be in the war. She would hate Rivendell and I don't want that for her. If she wishes to fight, I will not stand in her way," said Aragorn with a smile.

"You doom her to death if she stays with you! Sauron will find her and kill her! You can not protect her from him!"

"Is that a threat?" teased Tess.

"You'd better believe it is."

"Well you know what, I don't like the way you are acting. So here's your punishment!" said Tess as she let a fist fly into Elrond's nose, breaking it.

"Owww! My nose! She broke my nose! Mommy!!!!"

"Such a big baby…"

"Tess, I think it would be best if you left now," whispered Aragorn into her ear.

"Yeah, probably would be," she replied and left the tent.

"Aragorn, I'm being to think that instead of another Evenstar, you and Arwen have a miniature of you, complete with the looks and actions of a Ranger. She has a temper. And a mouth as Theoden tells me."

"Did you come here to talk to me about my daughter or does your visit have a purpose?"

"Well, Arwen made me re-forge the sword for you and hear it is," said Elrond as with one hand, he took the sword out and handed it to Aragorn.

Aragorn took it. "So this is Anduril, Flame of the West. Sauron will have not forgotten the sword Narsil which took the Ring from his hand."

"Yes, he will not have."

"Tell Arwen that I thank her."

"Yeah I will, and by the way, you know that path into the mountain? Take that one to get to the battle. You need more men. You can find them there."

"Gee Elrond, thanks for the help."

"No problem seeing as the fate of us all rest on your shoulders. Do not fail us Aragorn."

"I do not want that responsibility. I do not want to be Isildur's heir and I do not want to be King of Gondor."

"You have given the flimsy world of Men some hope, Estel. Do not take it away so quickly unless you wish to kill them all."

"I don't wish for that to happen but I am tired of these battles. I wish to just be able to relax."

"Then let me help you with that!"

"No thanks Elrond, I do not wish to die. Not yet."

"Damn it!"

"So cheerfully aren't we?"

"No… What makes you think that?"

"Nothing, nothing at all," said Aragorn quickly backing out of the tent and then turning and running. Elrond was scaring him.

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Author's Notes:

That turned out to be odd. Oh well! I guess it works! The next chapter will be "The Paths of the Dead"! Look for it tomorrow, Sunday, September 26th!

Reviewers!

(Chapter 31)

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Hanna M – Thank you very much for reviewing! I needed a review!

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Jak – Thank you very much Jak and Merry will be seen soon. Maybe we'll glimpse him in the next chapter.

(Chapter 30)

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A Darker Side of Light – Yep it does! And the answer to your question is yes! Once the battle of Pelennor Fields is over, everyone will see each other. Yep, I'm on a writing streak of long chapters!


	33. The Paths of the Dead

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer:** Nope, don't own anything but the plot and the character of Tess!

**Chapter Thirty-three: The Paths of the Dead**

Aragorn went to where his horse, Brego was tied and began to saddle him. He would take the Paths of the Dead. He hoped to sneak out of camp unnoticed but he had no such luck. As he saddled Brego, Eowyn came up to see him and spoke to him.

"Why are you leaving now?" she questioned. "Do you have so little faith in us that you wish to leave before battle?"

"No, I have hope and faith in the men but we need more men. I'm going to find more. And I'm going alone."

"I did not ask to come with you!"

"I know you didn't but you would want to come. And you shouldn't. You are needed here. Stay."

"But I wish to fight!"

"Then fight! I will not stop you! But do not follow me!"

"I wouldn't!" said Eowyn as she stalked off and Aragorn shrugged and led Brego towards the mountain.

But before Aragorn could disappear down the path, Tess stepped out leading ES Brego and stopped, blocking his path. "You're not thinking of leaving without me, are you ada?"

"Now why would I do something like that?"

"Because you want to sneak off alone. I know you better than you know yourself sometimes. I know where you are going and what you hope to achieve."

"Fine, you can come," sighed Aragorn as Tess moved ES Brego, unblocking the path.

"Thank you," said Tess as she swung up into ES Brego's saddle and Aragorn mounted Brego. As they turned to ride down the path, Legolas and Gimli rode up.

"Don't even think for a second that you are going without us!" said Legolas. "We will follow you no matter what!"

Aragorn sighed again and Tess muttered, "Damn wig wearer!" under her breath. Legolas took the sigh as an okay sign and followed Aragorn down the path.

They rode in a single file line. Aragorn was in the front, leading and Tess followed him. Legolas and Gimli brought up the rear. The trio of horses stopped in front of the opening to the paths of the dead. As they dismounted, Emily floated up, calling, "MOO!" to them.

Aragorn was about to protest but Tess hissed at him, "Emily's a ghost too! She might be able to help us!" and he shut his mouth.

An eerie wind whistled and spooked the three horses who ran off. Tess and Aragorn called after their horses, but it was no use. They were horseless. Aragorn unsheathed Anduril and walked forward, entering the paths.

"I do not fear death!" he cried as he disappeared in the paths.

Tess unsheathed her sword too and ran after her father into the paths. Emily floated alongside her. After a slight hesitation, Legolas followed. Then last, Gimli was left standing alone outside and after speaking to himself out loud, raced after the group calling, "Wait for the fat one!" as he ran.

* * *

Early the next morning, the camp was cleared out as everyone prepared to leave for battle. Merry was nearly run over several times while he was trying to get to his pony. Finally he managed to do so and mounted his pony, ready to leave, dressed in armor. He was going to war if Theoden would allow it.

Before he left, Theoden stopped him. "War is no place for a Hobbit, Meridoc Brandybuck. You must stay behind because we don't want to take you with us!"

"But I want to fight!" whinnied Merry.

"Too bad! We will not take you! Go crawl in a hole and die! Eowyn can't come either so why don't you go find her?"

"But...!"

"No 'buts'!" said Theoden as he rode away.

Merry began to cry but was picked up by Eowyn who spoke to him. "He doesn't want me to go either. But I will and you will ride with me. And you will have to keep an eye on me so I don't do something stupid!"

"Yes, my lady!"

"Good!" said Eowyn as they followed the group of Riders to Gondor and to war. The battle of Pelennor Fields would soon begin!

**Author's Notes:**

Average length, but oh well! Next update is ready to go but I'm sick again, so no promises! It's about the King of the Dead. After that we have a long chapter on the Battle of Pelennor Fields.

Reviewers!

(Chapter 30)

**Laer4572** – Yep, Eowyn is going down! And Pippin and fireworks seem to be well liked.

(Chapter 31)

**A Darker Side of Light – **Glad you liked it. I do have a bad mouth, but I'm trying to keep it under control. Yeah the time's kinda screwed but that's because of the chapters. I intend to go back and fix every thing later at the end including that. Sure, you can get into fights!

(Chapter 32)

**Jak** – That's k. That was fun! poke He he, Dolly's the "person" and we're the "music"... He he WIG WEARER & DRESS WEARER!!!

**A Darker Side of Light** – Yep, Elrond's a pansy all right! And you'll meet everyone pretty soon. Or at least Tess at first.

**Hanna M** – Glad you like it! And that's a good question. I think Emily will probably explain when she goes home, if she decides to go home.

**Dark Borg Drone** – So sorry about the wait! I have a couple chapters ready to go. So if I can get a few reviews, I'll post again.

**Ari Moon** – AHH!! YOU'RE BACK!!! runs away and hides Just kidding! BADGER BADGER BADGER! Well, you like to sing so you sang! Well Pippin was a reflection of me at the present time. I'm super hyper! Weee!


	34. The King of the Dead

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Sure I own the Lord of the Rings! NOT!!!!! I do own the first two Extended Editions though along with all three theatrical editions, the three books, an Evenstar necklace, and two Aragorn posters (from RotK)!

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Chapter Thirty-four: The King of the Dead

Aragorn had found a torch upon their journey in the dark to find the King of the Dead. Finally, the group entered a large open space in which they stopped and looked around. Suddenly, a voice came up and said, "Who dares to enter my domain?".

Aragorn replied, "One who would have your allegiance!" as he raised Anduril.

The King of the Dead appeared, not scary looking, just ugly, and said, "The Dead do not suffer the living to pass!"

"You will suffer me!"

The King had a ghostly green look to him. Then he laughed an odd laugh that seemed to echo off the halls of the dead looking place. The group looked around.

"What an ugly son of a bitch! He's not even scary! Is he supposed to be scary? He's just creepy looking!" Tess remarked to the group.

"Be careful what you say around him," said Aragorn. "The last thing we need is to give him a reason to hurt any of you or tick him off." He glanced meaningfully at Tess.

"What?"

"Lassie, you know that you have a bad habit of speaking without thinking. So watch your mouth," growled Gimli, axe in hand.

"Yeah…" began Legolas.

"Don't even thinking about speaking, wig wearer. The last thing that I want to hear is your two cents. Not that you have two cents to give…"

"Excellent example of what not to do!" said Aragorn.

"Ada…" grumbled Tess.

"What?"

"Nothing."

The Dead were appearing from everywhere and closing in on the group. Aragorn ended up beginning to be separated from the group, while Tess was left standing in the front of the group, sword out as a warning to the green glowing ghosts.

"Moo?" asked Emily, voice trembling.

"Emily, the god damn Jackal in _Thirteen Ghosts _is scary than these common creeps! There's nothing to be freakin' afraid of!"

Even more ghosts appeared all of, which have a green glow to them, as the King of the Dead laughed. Aragorn and the group turned around to face them as they came towards the group. Hundreds of them appeared all carrying weapons. Aragorn looked a little frightened as he turned back around to face the King.

"The way is shut," said the King. "It was made by those who are dead and the Dead keep it!"

The ghosts surrounded the Aragorn in a circle as the King repeated, "The way is shut!" The rest of the group quickly drew their weapons. Legolas fired an arrow that went right through one of the Dead. Shock showed on his face when he realized that he could not kill them. The Dead came closer and closer to them.

"Ada!" whispered Tess, finally scared of the green glowing ghosts. Her sword was going to be of no use here.

"It's okay Tess, they wouldn't hurt you. They'd have to get through me first!" replied Aragorn, even though he knew that he wouldn't be able to get to her with the ghosts separating them.

"Now you must die!" said the King of the Dead walking towards Aragorn, his sword out and threatening Aragorn with it.

"I summon you to fulfill your oath!"

"None but the King of Gondor can command me!"

Aragorn raised Anduril and parried the King of the Dead's attack. "That line was broken!" cried the King of the Dead as Aragorn grabbed him and brought Anduril to his throat.

"It has been remade!" came Aragorn's reply as he removed his sword and released the King. He stepped back and brought Anduril back to his side.

"Fight for us and regain your honor. What say you?"

Aragorn walked through the gathered group of the Dead, Anduril in hand. "What say you?"

"Ah, you waste your time Aragorn! They had no honor in life, they now have none in death!" said Gimli.

"Shut your fat mouth!" hissed Tess. "Don't piss them off, remember?"

Gimli glared at her and she glared right back. She was no longer scared. And her bad mood was back.

"I am Isildur's heir! Fight for me and I will hold your oaths fulfilled! What say you?" said Aragorn, pointing Anduril in front of him as he turned in a circle.

The King of the Dead smiled. Tess frowned as she looked at him. Did that mean yes? She sure hoped it did.

****

Author's Notes:

Yeah, I think this works better on it's own. I had it on it's own then added it in with the last chapter but then I changed it again because the Battle of Pelennor Fields was getting very long and I wanted a long chapter for 35. I'm sick again but this time I transferred my writing to my laptop so I can still write even though I can't post. But when I get the energy to post, I have a lot ready to go.

(Added: I REALLY intended to post on Wednesday but I left my house at 7am and didn't home until 9pm that day! I had a FULL day with classes until 3pm, a field hockey game until 5:30pm, running back to school for a dinner in which I just ended up running around the whole time, being chased by people with pillows in the dark! So when I got home, I meant to get on but I didn't have the energy to crawl over and turn on the computer, crawl down the hall turn on the net, crawl back to the computer, sit in the chair and type and the turn off the computer and crawl back down the hall and turn the net off.

And I couldn't post Thursday-Sunday morning because my sister took over my room (yes I spent the last several days on the couch!) and she took my computer from me! So I had no computer access until late this afternoon!)

Reviewers!

(Chapter 32)

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Laer4572 – Yep, you just got to love that! Dress wearer Elrond!

(Chapter 33)

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Hanna M – Glad you liked it and I'm sorry that I was so slow on the updating! Maybe my Evenstar necklace that I got today will remind me to update.

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Jak – No, you can't kill them Emily! They are already dead! And as you can see, well no weapons except Anduril work against them! Sorry!

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Laer4572 – Yes, you can't help but feel sorry for Merry! And well I think the Dead speak English, not Splingish. Or the language of Moo!

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Ari Moon – I should, should I? Well me and my Aragorn posters, Evenstar necklaces and brand new TTT Extended Edition will just have to run away then! AHHHHHHH! Just kidding! Glad you liked it and Emily the Ghost says MOO!

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A Darker Side of Light – Glad I can make somebody happy! Now I can die in piece during my next test in which they stick a camera down my throat! Glad you like it and yeah, Elrond will be at the wedding, whether or not he will survive the wedding to head to the Grey Havens, I can't say yet. Yeah, it is all good in the hood with my two Aragorn posters, Evenstar necklace and TTT Extended Edition!

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Dark Borg Drone – It's coming mellon-nin! Soon!


	35. The Battle of Pelennor Fields

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Like I own it? I only own my ideas, my odd sense of humor and my character, Tess. Other characters, such as Kate, Emily, Dolly, and Mary are owned by the people they are named for. And anyone/any thing that is familiar to you is not mine.

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Chapter Thirty-four: The Battle of Pelennor Fields

The horns of Rohan sounded as the Riders of Rohan rode up to Pelennor Fields. They had arrived to help. All the Orcs turned to them as Theoden lead them to the top of a hill. Once stopped, Theoden began a speech as he rode along in front of the lines. But first he gave instructions to the army.

Then as he began to ride Snowmane in front of the army, he spoke, "Arise! Arise, Riders of Theoden!"

Theoden then stopped right in front of Eowyn, who hid her face while whispering, "Please don't look this way, please don't see me!"

Then he rides again, calling, "Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! A sword day! A red day! Ere the sun rises!"

The Riders of Rohan pull out and ready their spears as do the Orcs on the field who have formed ranks.

"Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride for ruin, and the world's ending! Death!" cries Theoden as he clangs his sword against many spears.

"Death!" chants the Riders of Rohan, Merry, and Eowyn along with Theoden.

"Forth, Eorlingas! Go and kill yourself now for none of us shall survive!" cries Theoden.

"So cheerful," says Merry.

"Just go along with it!" hisses Eowyn. "Death!"

Horns sound as the many Riders charge against the Orcs who are raising their bows and begin to fire arrows at the Riders. Several are struck down and die. The rest continue on. Merry continues crying "Death!" for no apparent reason. Then with a clash of swords, spears and shields, the Riders hit the Orcs, who look scared as the rush hits them. Fighting ensues, then the Mumakil arrive.

"Re-form the lines!" cries Theoden. "Re-form the lines! Meet them head on and die!"

The Mumakil proceed to squash horses and Riders and the Mumakil riders shoot down many more that aren't squashed. Eowyn then directs Merry to take their horse right under one and brings it down. Then they fall off their horse and land on the ground. Merry disappears, which shows common sense. Eowyn is left alone.

Finally a fell beast comes and knocks Theoden and Snowmane over. The Witch-king calls, "Feast on his flesh!"

Then Eowyn appears and says, "No touchie my uncle! I will kill you now!"

"Do not come between a Nazgul and it's prey!"

A whole battle begins to ensue between Eowyn and the Witch-king.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the water, a fleet of ships sail in and an Orc says, "Late as usual, pirate sum! There's knife work here that needs doing. Come on, ya sea rats! Get off your ships!"

Aragorn, followed by Tess, Emily, Legolas, and Gimli hop off one of the ships. Aragorn and Tess bless their swords while Gimli and Legolas argue over who will have the best count at the end of the battle. Emily calls "Moo!" several times as Tess rolls her eyes.

Then, followed by the green glowing Dead, Aragorn and Tess stride quickly into battle and with a cry, attack the Orcs. Legolas and Gimli follow them and Emily even joins in the fight with her flamethrower. This battle was the first time that Tess and Aragorn had fought side by side as father and daughter. They fought viciously, side-by-side and kept an eye on the others who were fighting just as hard as they were.

A Mumakil came and Aragorn spotted it, calling out, "Legolas!" Legolas snapped to attention and chased it.

"What a show-off!" yelled Tess to Aragorn as Legolas climbed up the Mumakil, killing anyone in his way.

"I know Tess, he's often like that. As a matter of fact, this will only boast his ego!" added Aragorn.

Tess groaned. "Which is the very last thing he needs!"

"Yep," sighed Aragorn.

Legolas slid down then Mumakil's trunk as it crashed to the ground, checking his hair along the way.

"Give it up laddie! It's only a wig and this kill still only counts as one!" growled Gimli as he watched.

"Shut up dwarf, before I kill you!" cried Legolas as he chased Gimli with his bow drawn. "And for your information it's not a wig!"

"Yes it is!" called Gimli as he ran from the angered Elf.

"WIG WEARER!" coughed Tess.

"What did you say?" questioned Legolas as he came to a halt and lowered his bow, glaring at Tess.

"Nothing?" chuckled Tess weakly.

"Did you just call me a wig wearer?"

"Maybe?"

"ARR!!!!!" he cried as he began to fire arrows at Tess who ran and hid behind Aragorn, who looked amused.

"Legolas! Stop it! Save it for the Orcs! You may be my friend but that doesn't mean you can kill my daughter!" called Aragorn, laughing.

"Take that, _wig wearer_!" said Tess, sticking her tongue out at Legolas who raised his bow again at her.

"If I were you, I'd run now," whispered Aragorn to Tess.

"Yea, I think I will ada!" cried Tess as she ran off, Legolas not too far behind and screaming at her.

Insults went back and forth between the Elf and half-Elf. Gimli also joined in, clearly enjoying the chance to torment Legolas. Aragorn shook his head at the bickering three and sighed. Apparently some kids never grow up. Then he went to release the Dead, who were staring at him.

"Will you release us now? We did what you asked and you said you would release us! Now do so!" commanded the King of the Dead.

"I release you. Now go, and be at peace!" said Aragorn as the King smiled and all the Dead disappeared in a gust of wind.

Aragorn turned back to face his daughter and his friends. Tess was standing beside Legolas, with her sword at his throat. "Do you give up yet, wig wearer?" she asked.

"I surrender," said Legolas with a sigh, defeated.

"Good!" cried Tess as she sheathed her sword and went to join Aragorn in walking to Minas Tirith.

"Are you ready to see Minas Tirith?" Aragorn asked as they walked.

"Yes!"

"Well then, let's go see it!" said Aragorn and he led the way into Minas Tirith and through the levels, heading for the citadel.

Along the way they were stopped by Gandalf, who was, as usual, smoking pot. "Aragorn, we need your help in the Houses of Healing," he said.

"What about the others? What are they going to do?"

"Tess can go with you but I need Legolas and Gimli to come with me to the field. Emily too."

"Fine," relented Aragorn as he led Tess to the Houses of Healing and the others went back to the field.

"This is certainly going to be interesting," remarked Tess.

"I guess I'll have to show you Minas Tirth later."

"There'll be plenty of time for that later. But people need your help now. Besides, it's not like I'm going anywhere."

"That's true… That's very true…"

Author's Notes:

Not as long as intended but I lost my train of thought midway through it. Damn stomach! Oh well, I think it's still pretty good. Next chapter is the Houses of Healing and Tess will meet Mary and Faramir for the first time. And Aragorn will have a little chat with Eowyn and Tess runs off again.

NEXT UPDATE DUE: Monday, October 4th hopefully!


	36. Meeting Mary

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: If I owned this, I wouldn't be wasting my time writing a parody.

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Chapter Thirty-six: Meeting Mary

"So this is the Houses of Healing?" Tess asked as she followed Aragorn into them.

"Yes, this would be it."

Tess looked around the large room as she entered. She saw a pair of figures that seemed somewhat familiar. She walked over to them, forgetting Aragorn and she went and sat down beside the lady. One of the two, the man was lying down on a bed. The lady was sitting at his side. If you could call her lady, that is. She was like Tess, dressed in Ranger clothes. She looked surprised to see Tess.

"Who are you?" the Ranger asked.

"I'm a Ranger also. I go by the name of Tess. Who are you?" Tess felt sympathy for the older Ranger, yet she didn't know why.

"Mary, Mary's my name. This is Faramir."

"The younger brother of Boromir?"

Mary nodded as a response as she turned to face a sleeping Faramir once more.

"What happened to him?"

"He was injured on the way back from Osgiliath. It was a fell beast who attacked us. I got the worst of it, but despite my attempts to save him, he was still hurt. Then his lunatic of a father tried to kill him."

"Fire. There was a fire," spoke Tess quietly as she closed her eyes and glimpsed the event.

"Yes, the crazy Steward made a pyre and tried to roast my Faramir alive. Then I lit him a flame and chased him off the cliff by the citadel."

"Faramir is very lucky to have, Mary. I wish you both luck together," said Tess with a wink. "And ask for Kingsfoil, the plant. It might help Faramir heal.  
"Thanks! Oh, I have one question for you," said Mary as Tess stood up to leave. "Who is that who came in with you?"

"That is also another Ranger. He is my father, Aragorn, son of Arathorn."

"Oh."

Tess smiled and walked back towards her father. Aragorn smiled at her and then Eowyn was brought in. She was laid on a bed beside Faramir and Mary glared at the White Lady of Rohan. Aragorn walked over to Eowyn's side while Tess stayed put. He looked at her and called for Kingsfoil, which was brought by a healer. Aragorn began to heal her using it and managed to wake her.

"What did you do?" asked Aragorn.

"Um, I beat the Witch-king? Why?" replied Eowyn as Tess was hit with a flashback, which caused her to close her eyes and bring her hand to her head.

__

Eowyn was fighting the Witch-king. Theoden had been knocked down and was lying under Snowmane, who was dead, while Eowyn stood between him and Theoden. Eowyn had her shield in one hand and her sword in the other. The Witch-king shattered her shield with his mace.

"No man can kill me! Die now!" he hissed as he grabbed her around her throat. She gasped for breath.

Then Merry stabbed the Witch-king in the leg from behind. "You are ugly! You must die now!" he said to the Witch-king who dropped Eowyn to face the Hobbit.

Eowyn seized the moment to stab the Witch-king and reveled her identity before she collapsed on the ground near Merry.

Tess came back, shook her head and focused again on her father and Eowyn. He still talking to her, looking in her eyes. Tess was disgusted and quickly turned around and fled.

Aragorn looked around quickly. He noticed that Tess no longer was in the Houses of Healing. She must have gotten bored and decided to leave. He had no clue where she had disappeared to. But since she was gone that meant that he could have a serious talk with Eowyn.

"Eowyn, why did you give Tess a poisoned stew during the party in Rohan?"

"How did you know?"

"Legolas figured it out before Tess could eat any. Then he brought me into it and worried me half to death. Why would you do such a thing?"

"Because I loved you!" choked Eowyn. "I've loved you ever since the first time I saw you in Rohan. But _she _had always been there, a little annoying shadow. At first I thought she was competition but then when you told me that she was daughter, I lost it."

"So because she was my daughter you wanted to kill her? You insane pyscho freak!"

"No that wasn't it! She was the reason that we couldn't be together! Because you had her it meant that you had a wife!"

"Eowyn, I will admit that I felt some attraction to you but every time I looked at my daughter I remembered why it could never be more than friendship."

"Friendship? I never felt friendship!"

"You had friendship but you betrayed it when you tried to murder my daughter! What made you think that killing her would make me love you?"

"I figured that if she died, Arwen would hate you and you would have to find someone else!"

"Arwen would never have blamed me! She would have me find the killer but never would she blame me! Besides, Arwen was supposed to have sailed to the Undying Lands."

"So it was all for nothing, huh?"

"Eowyn, your stew alone probably could have killed her. And that's before adding the poisons. And we never could have been together because I love Arwen and can never love another," said Aragorn, leaving. "Sorry, but I was the wrong man for you. Find someone else."

Eowyn turned her head towards Faramir and smiled. Mary saw the smile on her face and drew her sword. Eowyn looked surprised.

"No one looks at my Faramir like that besides me! Now you must die!"

Eowyn stood up, her 'injury' having been all an act, a plea for Aragorn's attention. She wasn't injured at all. She found a sword and prepared to engage in battle with Mary over Faramir.

"Let me tell you the rules. This is a fight to the death. Winner gets Faramir. Loser, well the loser dies so there will be no re-matches and no backing out."

Eowyn nodded. "Bring it on!"

Mary attacked. Eowyn parried the heavy blows coming from Mary's sword. Then Eowyn tried to hit Mary who blocked the blows and then used her sword in a stabbing motion when Eowyn's sword was out of the way. Mary made the first hit upon Eowyn. She stabbed Eowyn in the stomach, knocking her down.

Eowyn tried to get back up but couldn't. The wound was too bad. Mary took pity on her and sliced her head off in one smooth motion, which ended her pain. Then she sheathed her sword and took her place besides Faramir once more.

****

Author's Notes:

EOWYN IS DEAD! EOWYN IS DEAD! HURRAY!!!! The long awaited fight is here! YAY! The next chapter will deal with the SUV's journey and will be called "Shelob". After that, Chapter 38 will be called "Runaway" and will be a short chapter before another short chapter entitled "Battle Plan" and then we jump right in "March on the Black Gate". Next update due: Tuesday, October 5th!

Reviewers!

(Chapter 34)

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Laer4572 – I'm glad that the wait seems worth it! I'm going to try to stay on schedule and I have a whole load of chapters written on paper, ready for typing. I was working on Chapter 40: March on the Black Gate today!

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A Darker Side of Light – Yes! Together you and I shall scare Elrond out of Middle-earth at the wedding! He he!

(Chapter 35)

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Ari Moon – Yes he is! The Ghosts in LotR don't scare me at all, they never did. They scared the shit out of Kate though! She couldn't watch RotK in the dark! The WIG WEARER!!! Ahh! Yeah, let's hope not…

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A Darker Side of Light – Aww, poor hurt Faramir… He's too badly hurt in my fic. I sure hope the HoH scene is in the Extended Edition of RotK.

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Dark Borg Drone – Yep, and Legolas gets tortured because of his wig many more times in the story… I just couldn't help it! Yep Agent Elrond, dress wearer, will be back soon…

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Jak – It's okay, you get to kill plenty more people at the Black Gate… I know the Jackal isn't scary but I had to put something in there! Glad you love them all twitches and the two chapters! More is coming.


	37. Shelob

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Sure, I really own LotR! I own it the same way I own the Takamine guitar I want…

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Chapter Thirty-seven: Shelob

Dolly had only one rule while she was driving the SUV. No one was to speak unless she told them too. And Dolly had told Sam under no circumstances was he to talk. So he kept his mouth shut and sat in the trunk, staying away from the pissed off human. Dolly was grateful for the silence. She liked to be able to think and concentrate on her driving.

What was on her mind was getting home. She didn't care who came back with her or who stayed behind, she just wanted to go home. And as soon as the Ring was destroyed, she was going to find a way back home or die trying. She was not going to remain trapped in Middle-earth. She had never wanted to be in Middle-earth and now she was fed up with it and wanted no more than to go home.

As far as she was concerned, everyone else could just 'shut up and die' as her Happy Bunny keychain said or 'go crawl in a hole and die' as her best friend used to say. She missed her best friend's sarcasm but there were more important things on her mind than Tess's fate. She had to find Frodo, make sure the Ring was destroyed and get home.

Finally she was close to Frodo and Gollum. She had followed them to the outskirts of another passage into Mordor. But the only way in was up the winding stair and then through the tunnel at the top. So Dolly got out of the SUV and told Sam to do the same. She was going to have to leave the SUV there and walk the rest of the way. But then something amazing happened! The SUV shrunk down to a pocket size and Dolly picked it up.

"Holy shit! What the hell did I just do?" she cursed as she stared at the shrunken SUV before putting it in her pocket. "Oh well! I sure hope it changes back…"

Then she began to climb, Sam following her. After some time passed, they reached the tunnel. Sam still had his mouth closed, not wanting to tick Dolly off. So he watched, only making comments in his head, as Dolly took the SUV out of her pocket and it returned to regular size. '_What a neat trick!_' he thought to himself.

Dolly climbed back in and Sam followed suit. Dolly slowly hit the gas and turned on the high beams as they entered the dark, dank, smelly tunnel. They were both afraid of what horrors might be lurking in the tunnel but neither one said anything about it.

Not too far ahead, Dolly could make out Frodo who had out the light that had been his gift from the Lady of the Golden Wood and Sting, the sword given to him by Bilbo Baggins. He was trying to run away from something big and black. Dolly squinted and made out a shape. She let out a cry when she recognized it.

"It's a giant freakin' Shelob! Ahhh!!!!!"

Dolly hit the gas and began to chase the giant spider with the SUV. Shelob raised her fangs towards the SUV and then decided to run from it. Dolly pursued Shelob until she backed the giant spider into a corner and ran it over, killing it.

"The SUV has come to rescue me!" cried Frodo racing towards it and then got caught in the high beams. "Ahh the light, it's too bright!"

"Get in the trunk, if you want to live," growled Dolly. "And don't say another word or you'll be running to Mount Doom, SUV on your heels."

Frodo nodded and silently climbed into the trunk where Sam was sitting. Dolly backed the SUV and drove out of the end of the tunnel and into the light. Ugh! Why did it have to be a giant spider? Next time there was a possibility of falling into another world, she was checking Tess out for information about giant spiders or she wasn't getting into the car. And onwards Dolly drove towards Mount Doom, now having arrived in Mordor. They were close to the end of the Ring Quest and Dolly was getting closer to going home.

Author's Notes:

I hate Shelob! She had to get run over! And she did! YAY! Anyways, next update due Wednesday, October 6th!

Reviewers!

Dark Borg Drone – Wonderful song! And Eowyn is such a slut! More is coming! I have up to Chap 41 handwritten! It's just a matter of typing it up!

Laer4572 - Yes she is gone and she wouldn't be coming back! So sad, NOT!!!!!

A Darker Side of Light - Yes you did! Lucky you! Faramir will be seen, awake in Chapter 41, just to let you know. And Mary is going to the Battle at the Black Gate. You'll see why soon…

The Shadow of Ghosts - Yea! It's Jak! poke You get to kill someone by poking them soon… And yes it is a happy chappie!

**Ari Moon** - Rejoice! Rejoice! Yes he is freaky. And that's okay, my brain has already turned to mush.


	38. Runaway

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Nope, no own.

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Chapter Thirty-eight: Runaway

Tess ran from the Houses of Healing to the stables. She raced to ES Brego's stall and flung the door open. She hugged Brego tightly as tears came falling onto the horse's silky coat. She finally let go and grabbed some tack and saddled Brego and then added her packs. After checking that she had her sword and dagger, Tess mounted Brego and pulled the hood of her Elven cloak up and rode out of Gondor.

* * *

Aragorn walked outside of the Houses of Healing just in time to see a bay horse galloping down the levels of the city. On the horse's back was a rider with an Elven cloak on with the hood up. Tess was running away. Aragorn raced down to the stables, tied reins onto Brego's halter with a rope and hopped on and galloped after his runaway daughter.

"Tess! Stop! Come back! Stop! Tess!" he cried as he began to close in on her outside of the city.

She heard his voice and leaned forward, whispering something into her horse's ear. The horse took off and she flattened herself on the horse's neck. Aragorn cursed as he sped up also. He began to close in even more on her and she noticed this and began to shout at him.

"Leave me alone, ada! Go back and see your Eowyn! I know you like her and not nana! Just leave me alone!"

Aragorn was shocked at her shouts. She actually thought that he liked Eowyn!

"Tess! That's not true! I don't like Eowyn! I was trying to find out why she tried to kill you!"

"Like I really believe that! Never trust a Ranger! And you know what? It doesn't matter anymore! I'm going to see nana and you can't stop me!"

"Yes I can!" cried Aragorn as he reached over and pulled the reins back on ES Brego, bringing the runaway to a sudden halt.

"Valar damn you to hell, ada!"

Aragorn turned and silently led Tess back to Gondor. She pouted the whole way but never tried to break away again or speak.

Author's Notes:

Yes I know, not much of a chapter but it was left over from an earlier draft of "Meeting Mary" and it didn't work well there and I didn't want to trash it. So here it is! Next update due Friday, October 8th and it will be a double post day!

Sorry that I can't post tomorrow, it just wouldn't be possible. I have a field hockey game then I have to run to another school to represent my school in an event and I don't get back until late and I already had a very full day because of field trip.

Correction: the key chain that was mentioned in the last chapter is supposed to say "run along and die now". Thank you Dolly!

Reviewers!

Ari Moon – He he! Spider, spider, spider! He he!

Laer4572 – Spider guts are soooo gross! They are almost as bad as the spider. He he, Sam and Frodo cleaning spider guts, he he.

A Darker Side of Light – You always can pretend! Maybe I am a psychic. Who knows? Sure you can wear your sweater! Lost is so cool! I saw the premiere just because Dom was in it!

(Chapter 1)

r.k. – Yes it is probably a very good thing that he is not driving! Glad you like the story and please keep reading!


	39. Battle Plan

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I think you would know if I owned anything except my character, Tess, and the plot. Dolly, Mary, Kate, and Emily all belong to their originators and are being used with permission.

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Chapter Thirty-nine: Battle Plan

Tess was still steaming when they got back to Minas Tirith. She refused to talk to Aragorn or to anyone. But Aragorn called a meeting and he requested that she attend. She stuck her tongue out at him but cam anyways. Everyone crowded into the Citadel and the discussions began.

"You have all been called here to discuss what to do about the threat of Mordor. We won the battle of Pelennor Fields but the enemy is still here. I need your help deciding what to do about them," said Aragorn.

"We can't risk the lives of any more men. We have lost many men already and cannot afford to lose any more," said Eomer.

"But what about our friends?" protested Pippin. "They're still out there! Are we supposed to let them fail?"

"Well, yeah! No one cares about your friends!"

"We need to help them get to Mount Doom! If we don't and the quest fails, then it will be all our fault!" cried Tess, speaking for the first time since trying to runaway.

"We still can't afford to lose any more men!" said Eomer.

"But we also can't afford for the quest to fail," said Aragorn. "We need to formulate a plan."

"A plan for what?" asked Legolas. "A plan for better hair care? Because, Aragorn, you and Tess look like you haven't washed your hair in a long time, not to mention bathing…"  
"Shut up, wig wearer, before I kill you," hissed Tess, in Legolas's ears as she touched her sword. Legolas gulped.

"No Legolas, what we need is a plan for battle," said Aragorn, not noticing his daughter's threat.

"And what do you recommend we do?" questioned Eomer. "Get ourselves killed?"

"We should march on the Black Gate. Doing so will get Sauron's eye on us…"

Snickers were heard coming from Tess and Emily. Aragorn glared at them and Tess responded, "Sorry, but all Sauron is, well, all that he is, is an eye!"

"That maybe so but we still need to keep his attention on us and doing so will allow the others safe passage to the mountain. Keep him blind to all else that moves."

"A diversion!" cried Legolas cheerfully, jumping for joy.

"You are just soooo smart now, aren't you Legolas…" grumbled Tess sarcastically.

"Yes I am!"

"Legolas, this is the first time that you have ever really said anything smart lately! You wanna know why?

"Why?"

"Cause you aren't freaking smart!"

"Well RARR!"

"Bite me, Elf!"

Legolas, not understanding that Tess had really meant not to bite her, bit her on the neck when she turned away from him. Tess jumped when he bit her and she turned around with her dagger out and slashed several chunks of long blonde hair off the Elf. Legolas shrieked like a girl as he grabbed the falling pieces of hair.

"That fucking hurt, you asshole of an Elf! I was just being sarcastic! Can't you take a joke?" grumbled Tess, rubbing the bite on her neck.

"My hair!" cried Legolas. "My beautiful hair! It is all ruined now! Waaaa!!!!!!!"

"Laddie, it was only a wig!" said Gimli while laughing at Legolas who looked quite strange with his uneven hair cut.

"No it was not a wig! It was real hair!"

"Oh you prissy Elf! Go buy another wig and shove it! Or better yet, go crawl in a hole and die, WIG WEARER!" yelled Tess.

Legolas ran off crying loudly, holding large chunks of long, fake, blonde hair in his hands. Tess rolled her eyes and sighed as she turned back to face her father who was shaking his head and trying very hard to keep a straight face and not laugh.

"What?" asked Tess, clearly confused by Aragorn's behavior.

"Oh nothing, nothing at all! Um, do you think we could possibly get back to the battle plan now?"

"I don't see why not!"

"Okay, now what we need to do is to gather weapons and people and march on the Black Gate. We cannot win this battle for ourselves but we can at least give them a chance to destroy the Ring."

"Sounds like fun! When do we go get killed… I mean leave? I feel like kicking some major Orc ass!"

"MOO!" agreed Emily. "I want to poke the eye! Poke!"

"No Tess, you and Emily will not be coming with us to fight this time…"

"Well why the hell not?"

"You will both be staying here, at Minas Tirith, where it is safe."

"Ada! Are you crazy?"

"Tess, we can not win this battle and this you know better than anyone else. You know that many of us will fall and most will never return. You have to stay here and be safe."

"But you need my help! You always do! You know it too!"

"I'm sorry…" said Aragorn softly as he walked out of the room and two guards came and dragged Tess, kicking, screaming, cursing, and threatening, off to her rooms.

Emily followed Tess, who was shoved into her rooms as the outer doors were locked on the outside, preventing Tess's escape. Tess pounded on the doors many times and screaming but nothing happened. Finally, she gave up and sank into the window seat.

"Ada! When I get out of here, and you know I will, you are soooo going to wish you were dead!"

"Moo…" said Emily sadly.

Tess huffed as she watched her father ride away, wearing the clothes of the King of Gondor. It was like Aragorn wanted to be a target. He might as well have put a bullseye on himself and a sign that said, 'Kill me, I'm Isildur's heir'.

Tess didn't get much time to think about this because just then, the main door to her room was unlocked and the door swung open. Tess drew her sword and aimed it at the intruder. But the intruder was none other than Mary, who was wearing a black sweater, so Tess quickly sheathed it.

"What are you doing here? Where's Faramir? He's still alive, right?" questioned Tess, knowing that Mary would find it hard to leave Faramir's side.

"Yes Faramir is still alive but there are some slightly more important things for you than what's going on with Faramir."

"Such as?"

"You need to go to the Black Gate. You are need there so I came to free you. And if you want me too, I'll ride with you."

"But why would I need to go to the Black Gate? Don't get me wrong, I wanted to go there but why is it suddenly so important that I be there?" asked Tess, completely confused by the course of events.

But a sudden, sharp pain to her head, which brought her hand to her head and she closed her eyes and her questions were answered by a vision.

_Aragorn was fighting at the Black Gate. Suddenly, he was knocked over and held down by an ugly, disgusting troll's foot. The troll raised its weapon and brought it down towards Aragorn. Legolas cried "Aragorn!" as he tried to get to him but he was too late. Aragorn was hit directly in the chest. A fatal wound which, brought a look of pure shock to his face._

"Tess… Arwen…" he gasped. "I never got to say good-bye one last time… I'm so sorry…"

Legolas appeared at his side. "Mellon-nin," he cried looking at the dying Aragorn, knowing that he could not save him.

"Legolas, you have to let me go. You need to watch over Arwen and Tess for me. Don't let Tess blame herself for my death was my own mistake. Have her take my place on the throne. And tell them how much I love them," said Aragorn as he closed his eyes for the last time.

"Damn it Aragorn! You shouldn't have died! Now Arwen will sail to the Undying Lands and your daughter will probably kill herself and allow Gondor to fall into ruin!"

Tess came back, her head spinning. She looked to Mary quickly, her mind made up. "Let's go!" she cried as she ran from the room.

Emily and Mary followed her as she led the way down the hall and then she snuck into her father's rooms. She quickly grabbed his old Ranger clothes. Then she ran to the stables to get her horse, Mary and Emily close behind.

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Author's Notes:

I'm so sorry about the delay! This chapter was almost finished being typed up when my computer deleted the whole thing late last night. I was pissed and way to tired to type it up again so I started and finished it this morning while eating breakfast. Chapter 40 should be up later today. Once again, I'm very sorry but my computer is screwy. That's what I get for forgetting to save my writing every few sentences.

Reviewers!

(Chapter 1)

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Lilan – Glad you think it's so funny! Well, let's just say my friends and I are short a couple of screws and are wacky like that and I'm also on drugs which make me act crazy and they are just normally meds and they don't work for me.

(Chapter 37)

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Jak - Having fun with the dead spider? poke

(Chapter 38)

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Laer4572 – Maybe she can be happy at some point but right now she's still dealing with a lot of stuff. She wants to fight in battle, but her father doesn't want to risk her life. Kate, Dolly, and Emily still want her to come with them even though they've stopped asking. And Elrond is still scheming to get rid of either her or Aragorn or both. And Tess is just confused.

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rose-eye-blonde91 – Glad you like the story! Field hockey is great because it gives you an excuse to chase people around with sticks! Such a violent sport! Glad you like Emily's moo too!

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A Darker Side of Light – Yes 'Lost' is so kick arse! Dom does an excellent job as Charlie! That's cool that your sweater is your Charlie sweater! Certainly it was short, but yeah it did add to story like you said. Suspense is good though, isn't it? Faramir will be up and about in 41, which should be up tomorrow.

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Jak – Glad you still like it. 


	40. March on the Black Gate

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer: **Think about it people!

**Chapter Forty: March on the Black Gate**

Aragorn led the group of Riders from both Rohan and Gondor. He was followed closely behind by Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Eomer and others. The closer the group of Riders came to the Black Gate the more he wished that he had said good-bye to Tess. He should have let her come too, but he knew that he was probably going to die in this battle and he didn't want her to see that happen. And Tess wouldn't be able to stop his death. Which would make it worse for her. Legolas then rode up alongside Aragorn, into his line of sight, which shattered his thoughts.

"I sure hope this plan works right or else I'm a dead man for sure," groaned Aragorn. "One way or another…"

"But you already are a walking dead man! Wearing that outfit is just asking for it! Whoo!" said Legolas, laughing so hard that he almost rolled off the horse on top of Gimli.

"Oh will you just give it up already?!"

"Why?"

"I'm not even going to reply to that question."

"Why?"

Aragorn just smiled and said nothing as he urged Brego to go a bit faster. Leoglas kept asking the same question but never got so much as a word out of Aragorn. It was a quiet ride for the rest of the trip to the Black Gate. Which meant that Aragorn was left all alone with his thoughts. All he could do was hope that he might survive the battle and be able to return to his daughter and eventually Arwen. Have hope! It was like a joke seeing as Elrond used to call him Estel, the Elvish word for hope. But Elrond and hope was a joke. Elrond had no hope for no one other than himself. It was a joke!

* * *

Tess quickly saddled ES Brego and hopped on. Mary saddled her own horse and swung on. Emily just floated alongside the two riders. Tess murmured some quick words in Elvish in Brego's ears and he took off through the many levels of Minas Tirith, speeding towards the Black Gate of Mordor. Mary managed to stay pretty close to the speeding horse and rider. Fear drove Tess and Brego to run full out after the rest of the group of riders following Aragorn to the Black Gate. Finally the three girls caught up to the group and ride through them to the front.

"Ada," Tess whispered as she pulled up alongside her father, Mary behind her and Emily with Mary.

"What are you doing here? Do you want to get yourself killed? I thought I said for you to stay behind!"

"You did! But does it look like I listened? Nooo…."

"Why did you disobey me?"

"I had a vision ada, a vision of you and the others. Something bad was going to happen unless I was here to help. I had to come."

"So that meant it was alright to come after I told you not to?"

"Well, hell yeah!"

"I should send you back to Minas Tirith!"

"If you do ada, I will hate you forever…"

"If anything happens to you, I will never forgive myself."

"Nothing will happen to me, ada. This I promise."

Aragorn and Tess both knew that there was no way that the promise could be kept. They could try their best but that didn't mean that it could be kept. No matter, Aragorn gave in.

"You can stay…"

"Thanks ada!" cried Tess.

Aragorn nodded as he rode up to the Black Gate with Tess at his side. Legolas, Gimli, Mary, Emily, and Gandalf rode right behind them. Aragorn stopped at the gate and spoke loudly.

"Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Let justice be done upon him!" yelled Aragorn as the Black Gate began to open. "Fall back! Fall back!"

The group followed Aragorn and Tess back to the formation. Armies of Mordor came marching out of the gate after them and surrounded the small army of Men. The Men were surrounded in a circle, bunched together like sardines in a can.

"Do you think there could be anymore Orcs coming out of there if they tried?" Tess questioned.

"I don't think we really want to know the answer to that, now do we?" answered Mary.

"Good point."

"Hold your ground! Hold your ground!" cried Aragorn as they arrived back and the others joined the formation.

Aragorn began to ride back and forth in front of the bunch, calling out as he rode, "Sons of Gondor! Of Rohan! My brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the Age of Men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!"

Everyone drew their swords. They are outnumbered badly and they know it. But they will still meet them in battle. Emily pulls out her flamethrower and laughs like a maniac. Tess and Mary rolled their eyes at her. Then everyone dismounted and lines were formed. Aragorn and Tess were at the very front with their close friends close behind.

"Never thought that my end would come standing beside a wig wearer," said Gimli to Legolas.

"Hey! I'm not a fucking wig wearer!"

"Okay, an Elf then. Geesh!"

"Fine!"

The Eye of Sauron turned to rest, focused on Aragorn. And Sauron's voice came out and said to him, "Aragorn…Elessar…"

Aragorn stood motionless and stared off at the Eye of Sauron off in the distance while lowering his sword. Tess looked at him in shock. Then he turned to the army behind them.

"For our friends…" he said softly. "For everything that we hold dear…"

Then he ran towards the Orcs, Tess and the others close behind. He met the Orcs head on and disappeared. As the battle raged, Tess drifted off from the others. Emily was having a little too much fun lighting Orcs on fire and Mary was in an angry mood and taking it out on the Orcs and the Rohan people. She even killed one of the Riders of Rohan. Not that anyone really cared. Aragorn managed to have the battle calm down enough around him for a moment to look around for Tess.

"Tess!" he cried as he saw her about to be stabbed by a troll. He raced towards her as she spun around to block the attack.

But her block was a little too slow. The troll's weapon sliced her left upper arm, making it bleed. Tess let out a gasp but quickly blocked a second attack, while staggering on her feet, almost losing her balance. Aragorn rushed over towards her to help her out. He took her place in battle with the troll as she stumbled backwards, clutching her arm. Then an Orc came out of nowhere and attacked her. She parried and then killed it then turned to find her father.

_Poison. The troll had poisoned her. She was dizzy. She wanted to collapse but she knew she had to stay awake. She had to get help. She had to tell her father. But where was he?_

Aragorn had been knocked down to the ground by the troll and was being held down by the troll's foot. Anduril was lying just out of his reach. He grabbed his dagger and stabbed the troll in the foot but nothing happened. The troll was unmoved by the damage Aragorn had done to it's foot. And the troll was brining its weapon down towards Aragorn's chest.

"Away you ugly bastard!" cried Tess, racing towards them.

She gripped her sword in her left hand and grabbed Anduril in her right hand. Wielding both swords she faced the troll, blocking it from killing Aragorn. The troll recognized her and gave an evil smile as he brought his weapon towards her. A lightening fast block and counter attack from Tess caused the troll's sword to break. Anduril and Tess's fury were no match for the troll.

"I said to get away, you ugly bastard! Leave my ada alone! Your quarry is with me! Bastard!"

The troll attacked again and Tess finished the blade off and knocked the hilt out of the troll's hands. It swung its arms at her and she sliced them off before stabbing the troll in the chest, killing it. The troll crashed to the ground to the ground and Aragorn was freed from underneath its foot.

The pain was unbearable. The poison was killing her. She was slowing dying. She couldn't stay awake any longer. Pain…

Aragorn crawled away from the dead troll and headed towards his daughter who dropped her sword and fainted. Anduril fell out of her head as she lay still on the ground. He crawled towards her and something caught his attention midway there. Mount Doom was exploding. The Ring was being destroyed. His eyes turned towards Sauron.

* * *

Emily had floated her way up to Sauron's Eye. She was laughing and cried "Poke!" as she poked the Eye repeatedly.

"Stop it!" cried the Eye. "That hurts! Stop!"

"Poke! Poke! Poke the Eye! Poke! Poke!"

"Ahhh!!!!!" cried the Eye as it rolled off the top of the tower as it came crashing down.

Emily let out some insane laughter as it fell and then she went, "Oops!" and floated off.

* * *

The SUV was climbing towards Mount Doom. Dolly was cursing the whole way to the top of Mount Doom. She drove straight into the inside of the mountain and right up to the edge. Then the three climbed out and walked to the edge, looking down.

"Okay Frodo, jump in!" cried Dolly as she pushed him towards the edge.

"Nooo! I'm too young to die!" he cried.

"You must die! Argh!" cried Dolly as she tossed Frodo over the edge. Frodo managed to grab the edge and Sam went to help his friend.

"Don't you dare help him Sam or I'm tossing you both over the edge!"

"Good-bye, Mr. Frodo," said Sam with an evil smile as he pulled Frodo's fingers from the edge and Frodo fell to his death.

"My precious!" cried Gollum as he jumped into the lava after Frodo and the Ring. But he just went kersplat on the hardened lava and then died. Frodo burned to death as the Ring was destroyed.

"Let's get out of here before it blows!" cried Dolly as she raced for the SUV. Sam followed her. Then Dolly floored it for the entrance and drove right to the battle of the Black Gate as everything around her disappeared. The SUV raced towards Aragorn and screeched to a halt in front of him.

"Eeek!" he cried as he covered his eyes.

Dolly hopped out of the SUV and ran towards Aragorn and Tess as the others came over, the battle having ended.

"What happened to her?" asked Mary, arriving first. "Did she take a hit from the troll?"

"Huh?" asked Aragorn, uncovering his eyes.

"Tess you asshole!" cried Mary smacking Aragorn in the head.

"Ouch! That hurt!" he said, glaring at Mary as he rubbed his head.

Mary rolled her eyes and looked at Tess's shoulder. "She's needs help from a healer. She needs to get to Minas Tirith fast. Her wound is very similar to that of Faramir's. She'll die if we don't hurry."

"What?"

"She was poisoned!"

"Really?"

"Yes, really!"

"Stick her in the SUV. We can get her back to Minas whatever faster that way," said Dolly.

"Great idea! Aragorn!"

Aragorn nodded to show that he understood and sheathed Anduril and then picked up Tess's limp body and loaded it into the trunk of the SUV that almost smushed him. Dolly and Sam climbed in the front and Aragorn rode in the back with Tess's body.

"Great! Now I feel like an ambulance driver!" moaned Dolly as she floored the gas pedal and zoomed towards Minas Tirith as fast as the SUV would go.

Author's Notes:

Very long chapter! Sorry it took so long to type! I hope to post another chapter tomorrow but it depends how I'm feeling. I have to put to sleep and have a camera shoved down my throat. So we'll see. If not tomorrow, then Friday, October 15th will be the next update down to a three day camping trip.

Reviewers!

A Darker Side of Light – Yes you are! Combustion, sounds like so much fun! Not! I have this feeling that all computers are evil, but that's just me. And sure you're not obsessed… Just like I'm not obsessed with Aragorn and LotR… Sure… 

rose-eye-blonde91 – Oh that sounds like fun! We have a really good goalie though and I preferred just to chase people up and down the field with a field hockey stick. I have a tendency to whack people in the shins with my stick harder than necessary when I'm going after the ball. Glad you liked the chapter!

Jak – You poked the Eye! And Kate, if she ever reads this, will probably kill me. Oh well! Glad you got a kick out of that!


	41. Return to the Houses of Healing

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer:** You should know this by now!

**Chapter Forty-one: Return to the Houses of Healing**

Aragorn carried Tess's body from the SUV into the Houses of Healing. He entered, laid her down on a bed near to Faramir, the only other human in the House. Merry the Hobbit was around somewhere but he didn't count as a human. He then slid her arms out of his old jacket after unfastening his old cloak. He then turned his attention to the wound on her shoulder. It was bleeding only a bit now but it was nasty looking and quickly turning black.

He had to get the poison out of wound before it killed her. A healer came by, asking, "My lord? Is there something I can do to help you?"

"Yes, do you have any athelas? I need some now! I have to stop the poison before it kills her!" said Aragorn, upset.

The healer said, "What is athelas?"

"Kingsfoil."

"The weed?"

"Yes, that's it."

The healer nodded and ran off to collect kingsfoil for Aragorn. He looked back at Tess whose eyes were closed and her skin was very pale. With each breath, she came closer and closer to death. Each breath was shorter and more ragged than the last. She was doing to die from lack of oxygen before the poison managed to set in and kill her. But the healer came back and handed Aragorn some kingsfoil and other things before she could stop breathing.

Aragorn ground up the kingsfoil and used it to wash the wound. The kingsfoil soaked up the poison quickly, taking it away from the wound. But Tess was still fading away quickly. Suddenly Aragorn smacked himself in the head and undid the Evenstar from his neck and fastened it around his daughter's neck.

Then he began to chant the Song of Beren and Lúthien to his daughter,

"The leaves were long, the grass was green,  
The hemlock-umbels tall and fair,  
And in the glade a light was seen  
Of stars in shadow shimmering.  
Tinúviel was dancing there  
To music of a pipe unseen,  
And light of stars was in her hair,  
And in her raiment glimmering.  
  
"There Beren came from mountains cold,  
And lost he wandered under leaves,  
And where the Elven-river rolled  
He walked alone and sorrowing.  
He peered between the hemlock-leaves  
And saw in wonder flowers of gold  
Upon her mantle and her sleeves,  
And her hair like shadow following.  
  
"Enchantment healed his weary feet  
That over hills were doomed to roam;  
And forth he hastened, strong and fleet,  
And grasped at moonbeams glistening.  
Through woven woods in Elvenhome  
She lightly fled on dancing feet,  
And left him lonely still to roam  
In the silent forest listening.  
  
"He heard there oft the flying sound  
Of feet as light as linden-leaves,  
Or music welling underground,  
In hidden hollows quavering.  
Now withered lay the hemlock-sheaves,  
And one by one with sighing sound  
Whispering fell the beachen leaves  
In the wintry woodland wavering.  
  
"He sought her ever, wandering far  
Where leaves of years were thickly strewn,  
By light of moon and ray of star  
In frosty heavens shivering.  
Her mantle glinted in the moon,  
As on a hill-top high and far  
She danced, and at her feet was strewn  
A mist of silver quivering.  
  
"When winter passed, she came again,  
And her song released the sudden spring,  
Like rising lark, and falling rain,  
And melting water bubbling.  
He saw the elven-flowers spring  
About her feet, and healed again  
He longed by her to dance and sing  
Upon the grass untroubling.  
  
"Again she fled, but swift he came.  
Tinúviel! Tinúviel!  
He called her by her elvish name;  
And there she halted listening.  
One moment stood she, and a spell  
His voice laid on her: Beren came,  
And doom fell on Tinúviel  
That in his arms lay glistening.  
  
"As Beren looked into her eyes  
Within the shadows of her hair,  
The trembling starlight of the skies  
He saw there mirrored shimmering.  
Tinúviel the elven-fair,  
Immortal maiden elven-wise,  
About him cast her shadowy hair  
And arms like silver glimmering.  
  
"Long was the way that fate them bore,  
O'er stony mountains cold and grey,  
Through halls of iron and darkling door,  
And woods of nightshade morrowless.  
The Sundering Seas between them lay,  
And yet at last they met once more,  
And long ago they passed away  
In the forest singing sorrowless."

A remarkable thing happened once Aragorn finished. Tess's color improved and her breaths changed back to normal. But she still didn't move nor stir and her eyes remained closed.

"Come back from the shadows and see the light," said Aragorn, softly, brushing hair from Tess's face. "Please…"

Her eyes blinked once, rapidly. Aragorn let out a sigh of relief. She must have heard him and recognized his voice. She blinked again. And then yet again. Suddenly her eyes flew open and she let out a gasp. Her eyes searched franticly for something familiar. Then her eyes found Aragorn, sitting at her side.

"You're awake! Thank the Valar you are safe!" cried Aragorn happily.

"What the bloody hell happened to me? I feel like I was hit by a semi!"

"A what?"

"Something like an SUV, only bigger."

"Oh. Well whatever it is, you weren't hit by it. You were poisoned."

"Poisoned?! By who? By what? When? Where?"

"You were poisoned by the troll's weapon. Not too long ago either, just when we were back at the Black Gate. The troll sliced your arm open and poison entered the wound and nearly killed you."

"Then why didn't I die?"

"Because I was there and Dolly showed up and she drove us back to Minas Tirith so that I could heal you."

"What did you do to bring me back? I remember having a dream about two people. An Elf and a Man. They reminded me of you and nana. Then I heard voices in my head."

"Well I used athelas to remove the poison but you were still fading so I tried to talk you back. I told you the tale of Beren and Lúthien, a Man and an Elf from which Arwen and myself are descended from, as are you. It seemed to work."

* * *

_Voices. She'd heard voices, and it wasn't ada telling her about Beren and Lúthien . It was someone else. It was a woman. What had she told her?_

"Do not give up all hope yet, Tess. You have not yet finished your task. You can not falter now. Not when the end is so close. You know what you have to do."

Then she had felt something. She felt life. She could feel the athelas working and she remembered a poem about them.

'When the black breath blows

and death's shadow grows

and all lights pass,

come athelas! come athelas!

Life to the dying

In the king's hand lying!'

_Her ada was there. He was trying to call her back. She could hear his voice. His voice jolted her back to life._

"It did work."

* * *

A groan caught their attention. It was coming from Faramir. Aragorn stood up and walked over towards him while Tess tried to follow but Aragorn motioned for her to stay still so she stuck her tongue out at him and stayed put. Faramir groaned again and woke up for the first time since Osgiliath.

"Who are you?" was the very first thing that Faramir said once he noticed Aragorn.

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. It's nice to see you awake at last, Faramir."

"What?"

"You've been out of it since Osgiliath. Several days have passed since then. Mary has been very worried about you."

"Mary was here?"

"Yes, she was for sure. She even killed someone because they looked at you a way she didn't like."

"Where is she now?" he asked looking around as if Mary might have been hiding from him somewhere waiting to pop out and go "Boo!"

"On the way back from the Black Gate," said Tess as she slowly walked over, hand covering her wound.

"I thought I told you to stay in bed!" hissed Aragorn as he saw Tess coming over to join them.

"You did, ada, but the poison is no longer affecting me and I'm fuckin' healed!"

"Stubborn!"

"Just like you, ada. Just like you," she reminded him and he rolled his eyes.

"And who the hell are you?" Faramir asked.

"I'm Tess, daughter of Aragorn. Mary should be soon so don't worry about her."

"Why did she leave me? I heard her saying that she would never ever leave my side!"

"She left your side for just a short period of time to fight in a battle. She'll be returning soon with the others."

"Is she alright?"

"She's fine. I was the injured one and had to be sent on ahead."

"How?"

"My friend's SUV brought me here before the others could."

"Your friend's what?"

"SUV. Don't you know what one is?"

"If I did, would I be asking you what one was?"

"Good point. I'll show it to you later."

"No you will not! You are not leaving the Houses of Healing!" ordered Aragorn.

"But ada, I'm healed!"

"Not until I say you are you're not!"

Tess cursed in Elvish.

"Get back in your bed, now!"

Grumbling, Tess walked back to her bed and climbed on it. She stuck her tongue out at her father's back again and made faces when he wasn't looking at her. Then Mary came running through the doors, wearing her Charlie sweater and being trailed by a tired looking Kate and Dolly. Dolly had just returned from collecting Kate.

"Faramir! You're awake!" cried Mary as she raced over to Faramir's side.

"It's so good to see you again Mary! I've missed you so much!" exclaimed Faramir.

"I've missed you too!"

"I love you Mary!"

"I love you too Faramir! More than you well never know!"

"Kill me now," groaned Tess. "Too much mushy stuff…"

Mary chucked something hard at Tess and Tess ducked.

"Missed!"

Mary chucked something else at her and this time it hit her in the head knocking her out.

"She never learns, does she?" Dolly asked Kate, shaking her head in disbelief.

"No, I guess she doesn't."

Author's Notes:

I will reply to all reviews tomorrow with the next post. So next update due: Saturday, October 16th!


	42. Aragorn's Coronation

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer:** No I do not own anything but the plot and Tess!

**Chapter Forty-two: Aragorn's Coronation**After about a week, both Tess and Faramir were um, for the lack of a better word, 'kicked out'. Or at least Tess was. Tess was going crazy and even though Aragorn preferred that she stay a few more days, the healers in the House said that she had to go. So Aragorn relented and Tess was released. Faramir was released a day or two later having fully recovered from his injury. Mary was quiet happy that he was no longer confined to the House and glad that it meant that Tess couldn't drive her or Faramir crazy any more because Tess had gone off to Valar knows where most of the time.

The following week was to be Aragorn's coronation. Everyone was invited to attend and they all would. Tess was pissed off at the fact that Aragorn told her that under no circumstances would she be allowed to wear Ranger clothes and the same went for Mary and everyone else. Which meant that all the girls had to wear dresses.

As much as they all complained, all the girls managed to find dresses that worked for them. Mary found a dress that complimented her Charlie sweater so she could wear her Charlie sweater, which made her happy. Kate found a pink dress that was floor length and had slit sleeves, which were slit until halfway up her arm. Dolly found a gothic black dress and was pleased. She also had her pet puppet dragon, Smog on her shoulder. Tess was the last to find a dress and she found a dress that was floor length with long open end sleeves that the main body of the dress was a black or dark blue and had red sleeves with embroidery on it and had a low neckline.

* * *

The day before the coronation, Tess went to find Aragorn who was standing alone outside on a balcony, facing the North. He was wearing his old Ranger clothes and looked like something was bothering him.

"Trying to take a page out of my book, ada? Are you going to run away?" asked Tess stepping outside to join him.

"I'm seriously considering leaving and giving the throne up."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I don't think that I'm the right person to be King."

"Who bloody cares what you think?"

"I do!"

"Well no one else does!"

"So then what do you suggest I do?"

"Ada, it is your destiny to be King. You should follow it. Otherwise you can never be with nana. You will be a great King. Now is not the time to doubt yourself!"

"Why do you believe this?"

"Because I've seen. I've seen the trust that the Men have in you. I've seen you led these Men into battle and return successfully. I've seen enough to tell me that you would make a great King."

"But…"

"No buts about it ada. You are going to go to your coronation tomorrow and you are going to let Gandalf crown you King!"

"Why?"

"Don't ask me why! Just do it!" said Tess and she turned around and left.

"Just do it? What in Middle-earth is that supposed to mean?"

* * *

At the coronation, Mary and Faramir stood together, smiling and holding hands while whispering to each other. Kate and Dolly stood near the front, not far from Mary and Faramir. Emily had decided not to come and floated away for the day. Tess stood with Aragorn who had, because Gandalf had insisted so, washed his hair for the occasion. He had decided to become King, even though he didn't want to.

Gandalf was in charge of the crowning and Gimli was holder of the crown. Gandalf had not been allowed to have pot for a week so that he would be slightly normal at the coronation. Legolas was still pyscho over the fact that his hair was cut odd and was in hiding most of the time. But he still came and hid in the back of the crowd with the Elves. He had at least evened the cut out and girls were chasing him around.

Aragorn allowed Gandalf to crown him. Gandalf said, "Now come the days of the King… And may they be stink free!"

"Hey!" cried Aragorn. "I do not stink!"

"But you normally do, laddie. You just don't today!" said Gimli as he cracked up laughing and almost fell over.

"Very funny guys, very funny."

"Yeah, hilarious," agreed Tess sarcastically as she fingered her dagger hidden up her left sleeve.

"Isn't it?" asked Gandalf, in the midst of a laughing fit.

"Are you sure you have touched any pot lately?" asked Tess. "You too, Gimli. You know that I could give you both hair and beard cuts or even take your heads off for you…"

"Yikes! She's a pyscho!" they both cried as they ran from the citadel, covering their heads and beards.

Aragorn looked suspiciously at Tess and then whispered in her ear, "What did you just say?"

"Nothing, nothing at all."

"Sure you did."

Then he turned to face the crowd, smiling. Luckily, no one in the crowd had heard the exchange but Kate, Dolly, Mary and Faramir all looked like they knew something had happened. But nonetheless, everyone clapped.

"This day does not belong to one man—"

"Um…" said Tess.

"I mean, this day does not belong to one person but to all. Let us together rebuild this world that we may share in the days of peace."

More applause sounded and Aragorn began to sing once everyone was quiet again.

"Et Eärello Endorenna utúlien. Sinome maruvan ar Hildinyar tenn' Ambar-metta," he sang, which was a song that Elendil had sang long ago upon reaching Middle-earth.

Aragorn began to walk though the crowd, smiling to everyone as they showed respect to the King. Tess followed him, trying to remember to smile and behave like a princess of Gondor should. Which wasn't easy for her. Finally they arrived at the Elves. Legolas stood at the front of the group.

"Hannon le," said Aragorn to Legolas who nodded and shook in fear when Tess shot him a nasty look.

Legolas ran off and revealed the greedy dress wearer, Elrond who was standing next to a white banner that was hiding something.

"I thought he left already," Tess whispered to Aragorn as she jerked her head in the direction of Elrond.

"Apparently not," replied Aragorn.

"Duh!"

Aragorn glared at her and she glared back. Then they both turned to Elrond with a smile.

"What a surprise it is to see you again, Lord Elrond," said Aragorn through clenched teeth.

"Not as a big a surprise as it is to see you again," replied Elrond in the same tone.

"Cut the crap already, will you, Agent Elrond!" growled Tess, pissed off.

"That's _Lord_ Elrond to you!"

"No it fucking ain't!"

"Stop fighting you two!" said Aragorn. "I'm sure Elrond has a good reason for being here, right Elrond?"

"Right, Estel. I have a surprise for you…"

"What? You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching to Geico?" said Tess sarcastically.

Elrond looked confused. "No… I have someone who wants to see you."

The banner moved and Tess and Aragorn leaned over to see who was behind it. And it was Arwen, in a light green dress who was smiling. She walked up to Aragorn, shoved the banner in Elrond's face, and the two stared at each other for a moment. Tess was frozen in shock too. Aragorn and Arwen embraced and kissed each other as everyone watched.

* * *

"Ewww! Too much sap!" said Dolly as she covered her eyes. Kate smacked her in the head.

"What the bloody hell was that for?" growled Dolly.

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Why I oughta…"

Kate screamed and ran away as Dolly raised her fist in her face.

* * *

Meanwhile, Faramir and Mary were talking. Faramir got down on one knee and held out a box to Mary.

"Will you marry me, Mary? It would make me so happy!" said Faramir.

"Of course I will! I thought you'd never ask!" she cried happily as she hugged and kissed Faramir.

* * *

Aragorn and Arwen had finally stopped kissing. Arwen turned to see Tess who looked a little grossed out by her parents kissing in front of her.

"My daughter…" said Arwen softly.

"Nana?" cried Tess as ran up to Arwen and hugged her.

"It is so nice to see you again. Now what on Middle-earth have you done to your hair?" questioned Arwen.

"I cut it…"

"I can tell."

Aragorn smiled and then hand in hand, he and Arwen walked through the rest of the crows, Tess behind them, until they came to the Hobbits.

"You three need not bow to us. Instead, everyone must bow to Pippin and Merry," said Tess.

Emily joined Dolly and the two friends bowed, chanting, "Worship! Worship! Worship!"

Tess eyed her friends then shook her head. Nothing every changed with her friends. And hopefully it never would.

Author's Notes:

So sorry about the delay! I was sick on Saturday and was unable to write! But I'm back now and I think that I'll be able to stick pretty close to schedule. Next update due on: Monday, October 18th!

Reviewers!

(Chapter 40)

A Darker Side of Light – So it is fun? I wasn't quite sure if it was or wasn't. It's FIRE?!!! Why the hell didn't anyone tell me that before? Oh probably cause they were too afraid to tell me… Yep you to got to kill peeps and yell at Aragorn! Does it get much better than that? Well maybe marrying Faramir, but still…

Laer4572 – Emily was at my house one time and all she did was poke a pic of the eye on my Lord of the Rings Monopoly Game. So that's where I got that idea from. And yes Aragorn isn't always the brightest person…

rose-eye-blonde91 – Sounds like fun!

Ari Moon – I know you but what am I, Nazgul?!

Jak – Happy now? And yes, you are special.

(Chapter 41)

Laer4572 – Yep, only Tess!

Dark Borg Drone – Sorry it took so long! I did mean to post yesterday, but it just didn't happen.

Ari Moon – I'm sure it is. You are such a Nazgul! He he, we are going to creep people out on Halloween! A Nazgul walking around, trick or treating with an Arwen! He he! Glad you enjoyed the chapter!

A Darker Side of Light – Yep, I do tend to ask for injury, don't I? I'm always glad to hear that I've made someone's day! Yes you did and now you and Faramir are getting married!


	43. Tess's Choice

****

Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: No own!

****

Chapter Forty-three: Tess's Choice

Later that day, during the celebrations, while Emily was explaining to Merry and Pippin about becoming a ghost during a break in their drinking contest, Tess snuck away. She was sick of people and had to get away for a moment. She stood outside on a balcony, and faced the North that her father had come from and had loved. She was already going crazy about being trapped in the city. Yeah Minas Tirith was nice and all, but it wasn't the wild in which she had spent so much of her time in Middle-earth in.

Unknown to Tess, Arwen had followed her outside, silently. She startled Tess when she spoke softly from behind her.

"Why do you always try to run when things get hard?"

"Nana…" whispered Tess. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be inside with ada, attending the celebrations?"

"You should be there too you know."

"I know."

"But yet you aren't? Why is that?"

"I don't belong here, that's why."

"What on Middle-earth makes you think that?"

"Ask anyone! I'm the fuckin' freak who came from another freakin' world! Think about it! I'm not a princess of Gondor! I'm not even a freakin' half-Elf!"

"Yes you are and you are my daughter…"

"You don't get it do you? Why can't you see that I'm nothing like you?"

"Because you are like me."

"No I'm not."

"Maybe not on the outside, but you are like me on the inside."

"Yeah right."

"I'm not joking with you, Tess."

"I'm not joking with you either."

"Why don't you believe?"

"Give me one good reason why I should believe what you are saying is true? Just give me one!"

"You may not be cut out to be a princess of Gondor, or the Evenstar's daughter, but if you look inside yourself, you can see that you are a Ranger's daughter and are wild at heart."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Maybe you don't belong here, at Minas Tirith. But you still belong in this world. Maybe just in a different area."

"Then where the bloody hell do I belong?"

"Look inside your heart, and tell me."

Tess closed her eyes for a moment and thought hard. What Arwen was saying did make sense. She wasn't cut out to be a princess of Gondor or the Evenstar's daughter. But that didn't mean that she wasn't. It just meant that that part didn't show up in her that much. It didn't mean it wasn't there. But Tess knew what she had to do.

"Nana, I understand everything now. And as much as I don't want to leave you and ada, I know what I must do."

"What is that?"

"I need to out into the Wild with the Rangers. I'm a Ranger's daughter, not the Evenstar's daughter or King Elessar's daughter. I need to leave Minas Tirith for a while and then I'll come back."

"If Aragorn says you can, then do so."

"Hannon le, nana."

"You always knew the answer, but you never discovered it inside yourself."

"That's why I have you, nana!" cried Tess as she hugged Arwen.

"Do me one favor."

"What's that?"

"Do not bother Aragorn yet with your decision. Wait until the morning. Let him enjoy the celebrations."

"Sure, nana."

_That's just going to be a wonderful discussion!_

Author's Notes:

Sorry it was so short. Hopefully the next chapter will be up: Tuesday, October 19th!

Reviewers!

Mr. Random – Glad you like the story so much! Moo!

A Darker Side of Light – And I thought that I was the only person who ever printed out chapters from the FFs that they liked! Just kidding! I'm glad that you are so happy! I was wondering about doing a part four! I think I will! And yes, you and Faramir will get married in the story! And yeah, the reception will be pretty wild, as will the wedding…

Laer4572 – Yep, things are looking good at the moment!

Jak – How could I pass up such an opportunity to use the worship, worship? And yes I guess they do! I'll see if I can add their reactions later!

Ari Moon – Here's a tissue. hands her a tissue Now you can stop crying! Nazgul! Yes Kate had them all on the bus to the loony bin. But I hid Legolas from her… he he And remember I was yelling at her for hiding Aragorn? And no one could ever forget the pokes! Yes, we must worship their cleverness.


	44. Of Mary and Faramir

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: You should have this memorized by now.

****

Chapter Forty-four: Of Mary and Faramir

"Mary?" Faramir asked during the celebrations. They were standing in a corner, a little ways away from anyone else.

"Yes?" replied Mary, not taking her eyes off Faramir's.

"When do you want to get married?"

"Whenever! As soon as we could would be great!"

"Well Aragorn was going to have a big re-wedding to Arwen because their first one wasn't very public. And he said that if we wanted to, it could be a double wedding."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"What do you think about it?"

"I think: why on Middle-earth not? The sooner we get married the sooner we can get back to our own lives!"

"I agree!"

"Then lets go ahead for that same day!"

"Just one question."

"What might that be?"

"Can I wear my Charlie sweater at the wedding? If that's cool with you and everything…"

"I don't see why not! Wear whatever you want!"

"Really?"

"Really. Mary, I love you so much that nothing matters to me except the love that we share for each other."

"I love you too, Faramir."

And the two kissed for a long time.

Author's Notes:

Sorry it's so short but at least you got an update! Hopefully, I'll update next on: Wednesday, October 20th. If not, look for a post on Thursday, October 21st.

Reviewers!

Jak – Ya. And maybe there will be a flashback to the drinking contest if I can work it in…

Ari Moon – No I have nothing against you being a Nazgul. And yes, we all know that I love the sleeves on those dresses…

Laer4572 – Yep, he's going to have a mental breakdown alright. But whether or not that's before he yells at her, we'll just have to see… I feel a shouting match coming…

Jak (2nd review) – That's why you floated away…

Dark Borg Drone – I was actually ready with a chapter this time! Valar forbid I actually be on time! But if I can update on time for the rest of the week, well the jury's still out on that…

A Darker Side of Light – Yep, that's going to an interesting chapter for sure… Part 4 should start next chapter I think… What did your Arwen costume look like?


	45. Decisions

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: No I still do not own the _Lord of the Rings_! I only wish I did.

****

Part IV: Aftermath

Chapter Forty-five: Decisions

Tess waited until the following day to speak to Aragorn about her decision. But it wasn't easy for her to track him down. As a matter of fact, she gave up on finding him. She disappeared and wandered around the city. She'd try finding him again later.

On his first official day as King, Aragorn was called to many more councils than one could count. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and ran screaming out of a council. He ran through the levels, not caring where he was going just caring that he was getting far away from councils. And he ran right into his daughter, who was day dreaming.

"What the bloody hell was that for?" cried Tess in outrage as she spun around and reached up her sleeve for her dagger.

"It's just me," said Aragorn softly, raising his hands up in the air.

The fierce look in her eyes disappeared when she saw that it was Aragorn. She put her dagger away and relaxed. Surprise showed clearly in her face and eyes.

"Sorry ada. I didn't know you were behind me. Aren't you supposed to be in another stupid ass council right now?"

"I ditched."

"You are sooo bad ada… Just wait until I tell nana that you ditched council… She's going to be sooo pissed…" teased Tess with a smile.

"You wouldn't dare," said Aragorn looking worried.

"How much do ya wanna bet I would?"

"No, I'm not going to bet. I know I'd lose."

"Smart move."

"So are you going to tell on me or not?"

"I was just teasing!"

"Oh. In that case, how are you doing? Now that the war is over, we can send you and/or the others back."

"I don't want to go back," said Tess softly.

"You're staying?" asked Aragorn, surprised and excited all at once.

"In Middle-earth, yes, but I want to leave Minas Tirith, ada."

"What? Why? Where would you go?"

"I long for the Wild, ada! I want to go to the North. I want to become who I was born to be!"

"And what the hell might that be?"

"A Ranger's daughter. I'm not a princess of Gondor and I'm not the Evenstar's daughter. Anyone can tell that. I belong in the Wild not the city!"

"You are not going to live in the Wild! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? It's like asking to be killed!"

"But _you_ lived in the Wild!"

"But that was different—" began Aragorn but he was cut off quickly by a look and Tess's pissed off tone.

"No it fucking wasn't! You were unsure of yourself so you ran! I'm unsure of myself and I've tried running but I'm always stopped! You found comfort and understanding of yourself in the Wild and stayed there. And I want to do the same thing!"

"I refuse to let you leave so you can go and kill yourself!" growled Aragorn.

"I don't fuckin' care! I'm going!"

"You mean far too much to me Tess. If you die I will never forgive myself," said Aragorn softer.

"If I die, then it's my own fault, not yours!"

"You're still not going…"

"I'm going."

"No you are not!"

"Am too!"

"Are not!"

"Am too!"

"Are not!"

"Am too!"

"Are not!"

"Am too!"

"Are not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Please don't leave me!" begged Aragorn. "Why does everyone always want to leave me? Why?"

"Cause you smell?" suggested Tess.

"Maybe. But why do you want to leave me?"

"Because I'm so much like you and I'm not ready to live in the White City for the rest of life. I need to leave! But I promise that I'll visit!"

"But it's not the same! Please don't go! Don't leave me here!" cried Aragorn as he grabbed Tess's foot, trapping the sixteen year old girl there.

"Ada let go!" hissed Tess, shaking her foot. "I'm not leaving yet!"

"Waaa!"

"Ada get a freakin' grip on yourself!"

"Please don't go!"

"I'm not fuckin' going anywhere yet!"

"But you're still leaving!"

"Not until everything is settled here!"

"You'll miss the wedding!"

"What wedding?" questioned Tess, pausing in her efforts to get Aragorn to let go of her foot.

"Arwen and I are having a formal wedding and Mary and Faramir are getting married also!"

"What the fuck?"

"At least stay for that!"

"Sure ada," said Tess, still frozen in shock. "I will not leave for the Wild until after then."

"Yay!"

"Can you let go of me yet?"

* * *

"Kate?" asked Dolly. "Kate?"

"What the hell do you want?" was Kate's nasty reply.

"I was just wondering…"

"Bad idea…"

Dolly shot Kate a dirty look, which Kate ignored.

"Are you going to stay here in Middle-earth or go home?"

"Of course I'm leaving this hell hole and going home! Why the hell wouldn't I leave?"

"And I thought I was the only one who hated this place," murmured Dolly to herself as Kate stared at her.

"Why did you ask?"

"Oh, I was just curious."

"You're leaving too, right?"

"Duh!"

"What about Emily?"

"Yeah, or at least I think so. She does have Jon back at home so she'll probably go back but she's having so much fun with Merry and Pippin that I'm not sure."

"Um hum."

"But Tess is probably staying…"

"Bitch!"

"What?"

"Tess is a bloody bitch! Why can't she tell that Aragorn is freakin' lying to her so that she'll come home with us? She doesn't belong her anymore than we do!"

"I think that Aragorn is telling the truth. I wasn't sure at first but now it seems even more apparent that she is Aragorn's daughter. It's harder to tell that she's Arwen's daughter but I still think she is."

"But you have no proof!"

"Do we need proof?"

"Yeah!"

* * *

"Did you really get run over by the SUV?" questioned Pippin.

"Yup, Dolly did it!" said Emily cheerfully.

"Cool!" said Merry and Pippin.

"Moo!"

"What's it like, being a ghost?" asked Merry.

"It's soooo cool!"

"Really?"

"Moo!"

"It sounds cool!"

"I could get Dolly to run you two over and then we'd all be ghosts! Moo!" exclaimed Emily excitedly.

"Really?" asked both cheerfully.

"Moo!" said Emily nodding her head.

"Sooo, what day is the wedding?" Faramir asked Mary, between make-out sessions.

"I think it's in a week."

"You think?"

"I didn't really pay attention to what Arwen was saying. I was too busy staring at you to listen."

"Oh."

"Ya."

"So what color dress are you going to wear?"

"Dress? Since when do I have to wear a dress?"

"Since we were getting married."

"Why must I wear a dress?"

"It's tradition."

"If I must wear a dress then I'm wearing my Charlie sweater with it!"

"Whatever you say sweetheart…"

"Can my dress be black instead of the normal white?"

"Sure!"

"Great! Cause then I can wear what I wore to Aragorn's coronation and not need to get anything else!"

"Wonderful! I loved that dress!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"I love you, Faramir!"

"I love you too Mary!"

And they started kissing again.

Author's Notes:

So sorry about the long wait! School attacked me and I couldn't do any writing! And this was a long and difficult because of all the different characters that show up in the chapter. Anyways, I will hopefully post a short chapter tomorrow maybe even a double. We will have to see because I still need to do my homework. So expect next update: Sunday, October 24th.

Reviewers!

(Chapter 7)

Jak – Really? That's one of your favorites? Cool! And yeah I think you are the 200th review.

(Chapter 44)

Jak – Well his name is mentioned in the story. But you are right, he hasn't been mentioned. Sorry about that. It slipped my mind. I'll try to write him in a bit if I can.

Dark Borg Drone – Yeah I could do it if it wasn't pitch black outside when I was supposed to be writing in the mornings on my bus ride. And if homework allowed me to and I wasn't so tired I would write. I'll keep trying. And good luck learning the song! Yeah my job should be pretty easy compared to yours.

A Darker Side of Light – Yes they probably will get me but oh well! I'm glad you enjoyed it because it was written just for you! Yeah I've seen Arwen in mourning in TTT, and it's a very pretty dress! He he, I'm odd because my favorite Arwen dresses are the mourning one and the black and red one that she wears in RotK when she tells Elrond to reforge the sword. You won money? Cool! A double marriage is going to be totally awesome! And Elrond will be a party pooper but is he really any match for a pissed off bride-to-be (you) and a Ranger's daughter? Chances are, he's not. But we'll have to see.


	46. End of the SUV

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: No I still do not own the _Lord of the Rings_! I only wish I did.

****

Chapter Forty-six: End of the SUV

Dolly and Kate were loading the SUV with gear. They weren't staying another week for the double wedding of Aragorn and Arwen and Faramir and Mary. They wanted to go home as soon as they could. Since Tess was staying, the sooner they left the better things would be. But Emily ruined things for them by placing Merry and Pippin under the wheels and starting the engine. The two Hobbits were flattened and became ghosts like Emily. But the SUV kept going and ended up crashing into some trees.

Dolly and Kate swore as they ran down to the wreckage. The SUV was literally destroyed. It's engine was smoking and when Dolly lifted the hood up, the battery exploded, sending bits of plastic every where along with battery juice. Dolly was splattered, as was Kate. Everyone who saw them laughed.

But their appearance wasn't what had them upset. A yell rose from Dolly that contained all the anger and it target. "TESS!!!!!" screamed Dolly.

* * *

Tess saw the SUV crash from Minas Tirith. She pried Aragorn's fingers loose from her foot, picked the bottom of her skirt up and ran. Aragorn followed her. She raced out to the SUV and heard Dolly's pissed off yell. Tess took a deep breath before running over to her friend.

When Tess saw Dolly, she let out a laugh.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" questioned Dolly in tone that sounded like a growl to Tess.

"You should look in a mirror!" was Tess's reply between laughing fits.

"Bitch."

Tess ignored Dolly and almost fell over laughing. Aragorn too arrived and began laughing like crazy too. Dolly glared at them then slapped her old best friend.

"Snap out of it! It ain't that funny!"

Tess glared at Dolly. "What the hell were you yelling for me for?"

"It's your fault that the SUV is wrecked! If you had been watching Merry, Pippin and Emily, they wouldn't have crashed the SUV and Kate and I would be home by now."

"It wasn't my freakin' fault!"

"Well I didn't crash the SUV!"

"And neither did I! Besides you can't live until nana and I can open the tunnel between the worlds. Until the tunnel is opened, you are all stuck here."

"What the fuck?"

"And I would have been watching the three if ada here hadn't had a mental breakdown when I told him what I had decided."

"What?"

"He is upset because I'm leaving—"

"You're coming back with us?"

"No, I'm leaving Mi—"

"You are leaving Middle-earth?!"

"No I'm only leaving Minas Tirith! I'm staying in Middle-earth but I'm going to live in the Wild."

"I'm confused…"

"You always were confused."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"I know, it isn't it?"

"Sure it is…"

"Well the SUV is dead," said Tess after examining it. "It'll never run again."

"What do you mean it'll never run again?!" yelled Kate.

"The battery's dead."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BATTERY'S DEAD?!" exclaimed Dolly, enraged at Tess's calm statement.

"The SUV is out of juice. It's not going to run anymore."

"So we're stuck here? Stuck in this crappy place forever, unable to ever return to our home?"

"Not that that's a bad thing," said Kate as Dolly glared at her.

"HOW'S THAT NOT BAD?!"

"Cause then I get to stay here with Legolas forever and ever and ever and ever…" said Kate as she smiled at the Elf who quickly ran away and Kate followed him.

"This is just perfect!!"

"Oh well…" said Tess as she began to walk away.

"It's all your fault that we got stuck here in the first place! If it hadn't been for you we'd be in Ocean City or back at home!"

"And your point is?"

"You screwed us up and there is no proof that you are the right person! The tunnel might have malfunctioned and brought the wrong person here!"

"You need proof? I'll show you proof!" cried Tess as she showed Dolly the Evenstar mark on her shoulder.

"That's not proof! It could be sharpie!"

"Then do you wish me to kill you to show you I have inherited my ada's fighting skills?"

"No! But I wish that you would stop believing every word that comes out of Aragorn's mouth! I wish you would listen to us!"

"Why should I listen to you? I know you want to keep me away from my real family and who I really am and I refuse for that to happen!"

"I never tried—"

"Don't even start, Dolly! You are no longer welcome around me! Our friendship is over! Don't you dare ever talk to me again!" cried Tess as she ran off towards Minas Tirith.

"I don't care anymore! Stay! I don't give a damn anymore!"

But it was too late, Tess was gone. She had disappeared along the way to Minas Tirith. Aragorn ran after her but couldn't see her. No one could.

Author's Notes:

So long SUV! So now how are they getting back? This is going to be interesting. And where did Tess go? Story plan is: Chap 47-Disappearance, Chap 48-Wedding, Chap 49-Party!, and finally Chap 50-Journey's End.

So expect the next update on Monday, October 25th.


	47. Disappearance

**Journey to Mordor (By SUV)**

**Disclaimer:** Think about it!

**Chapter Forty-seven: Disappearance**

Tess snuck away from the city and ran into none other than Emily, Merry, and Pippin. All three were now ghosts but they were just as much trouble as they had been before. So she joined them in their plotting session.

"So what were you going to do?" asked Tess as she sat down next to the three crazy people.

"Flaming marshmallows!" cried Pippin and then he followed it with a pyscho laugh and twitching.

"Okay then..."

"Moo!" said Emily in agreement.

"What about we throw stuff at ada, Mary, Faramir, Dolly, and Kate?" suggested Tess.

"No, that would give us away!" protested Merry. "We need to target Aragorn so that we don't give ourselves away."

"Fine!"

"Moo!"

"He he he!" laughed Pippin, twitching.

* * *

Aragorn hurried after Tess but couldn't find her. She had disappeared. So he headed back towards the Citadel where he was found by Legolas and Gimli, who dragged him back into council, despite all of his protests.

Hours later, he was finally let out of council and he ran off. But not long after leaving council he was ambushed with flying things. Most of it was on fire. Flaming arrows whooshed over his head.

"Someone's trying to kill the King!" cried a random person. "Find them!"

And a pitchfork-carrying mob set out through the city in search of the ones who had been throwing stuff at Aragorn.

* * *

As soon as they saw the mob, the four fiends froze and ran off. They ducked behind a pillar but Pippin gave himself away because he was laughing and spasing out by the abandon projectiles. And the mob caught him and dragged him away.

"Great! Now we're in trouble!" exclaimed Tess as she, Emily, and Merry stepped out of hiding, while watching Pippin being dragged off.

"Not if we don't get caught," said Merry sneakily.

* * *

Later that day, Aragorn ventured outside again, this time surrounded by guards and with Legolas and Gimli at his sides. He had been told that the maniac had been caught but he still wasn't sure. And once again he was ambushed, but he wasn't the main target. Legolas was.

A flaming arrow wissed right past his wig, setting it on fire. He screamed and tried to save his wig from flame. But it was hopeless. Most the wig was burned, as were his hands.

And once again an angry mob came after them. Only this time it was a mob of angry, pitchfork waving fan girls. Poor Merry was too slow and he got caught and dragged away.

* * *

Later on, Tess and Emily set up post and this time Gandalf stood at Aragorn's side, Legolas having run away.

"Fire away!" whispered Tess to Emily. "Aim for the pot!"

Emily said, "Moo!" with an evil grin on her face.

Emily then turned on the flamethrower and cried, "Fire!" Tess shook her head at her before cocking an arrow in her bow.

Emily lit her arrow on fire and Tess fired at the pouch of pot in Gandalf's hands. Emily then proceeded to send flames towards Gandalf who cried when Tess's arrow took his pot away from his hand and burned it all up. Gandalf then ran and hid behind Aragorn, crying.

"Mmmyyyy... pppoootttt!" cried Gandalf as Aragorn tried to comfort that crying wizard.

And this time around, instead of an angry mob, the angry ghost of Frodo went after them. So Tess and Emily ran for it. But they were soon separate. Emily was corned by Frodo and dragged away to jail but she did not coming willingly nor quietly.

* * *

Tess was caught before she could fire another arrow. A group of guards found her and dragged her to the Citadel, where Aragorn was. They figured that she was the mastermind so they wanted her to face the King. She swore in Elvish and spat at the guards. She was careful to say nothing in common tongue.

Aragorn looked down at the so-called "mastermind" and was surprised that it was none other than his own daughter!

"Release her, you idiotic assholes!" yelled Aragorn, standing up.

"But—"

"No buts!"

The guards let her go and she hurled another Elvish curse at them before Aragorn sent them away. After a talk with her, Merry, Pippin, and Emily were released from jail and Tess was ordered to behave until the wedding was over with. Tess agreed and went off to the stables to see ES Brego.

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry that this is such a crappy (not to mention late!) chapter! I had the hardest time writing it and this is like the fifth version. So if there are any mistakes I don't really give a damn. I just wanted to get it posted and over with. Tomorrow will most likely be either a double or a triple post day. The story should be finished either Friday, October 29th, or Saturday, October 30th. We shall see.

Reviewers!

(Chapter 45)

**Jak** – That's good to know. And yes, Jon is mentioned in the story now and no I don't think you'll be attending the wedding, probably just the after party so you don't have to wear a dress. And Merry and Pippin are now ghosts.

**A Darker Side of Light** – Well I think I lost it a long..... time ago. Was Van Helsing any good? I'd like to see a pic of your dress! I had hoped that I captured the way that you are with that. I know that I wouldn't wear a white dress for my wedding unless I had to and if I did, it would at least be like Arwen's angel dress from FotR.

**Laer4572** – Yes Elrond is bad and he is going to be wishing for the Grey Havens sooo much once Mary and Tess get after him!

**Mr. Random** – Yep, that was arranged!

(Chapter 46)

**Jak** – Yep, it's wild. And yes, you killed the SUV.

**A Darker Side of Light** – 50 chaps is wayyy longer than I had originally thought. But it has been a wonderful three months and a sequel might be in the works but no ideas as to when it will been written, what angle it will be from or what it might be about or titled. Yes, Elrond must die! And you wouldn't leave Faramir alone ever if you had a choice!

**Dark Borg Drone** – Yep the ending should be pretty good! I've surprised people are still hanging around. I thought everyone would have abandoned it by now.

**Laer4572** – You seem to have everything figured out! And yeah, what a day for sure!


	48. Weddings

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: No own.

****

Chapter Forty-eight: Weddings

A week later, the day of the weddings finally arrived. Arwen woke all the women involved in the weddings up early and drug them off to another part of Minas Tirith where the guys wouldn't bother them. Mary protested but a fierce look and a threat got her to at least stay in the same room.

Arwen was running around franticly in the room. Tess was very close to falling asleep and Mary had already fallen asleep a long time ago. Everyone else was trying to help Arwen and calm her down but Arwen wouldn't listen nor behave. She kept rushing around and around before she finally collapsed in a chair, too exhausted to move.

Tess finally went to sleep too but was woken up by an Elf that had been sent to help Arwen. The Elf had grabbed her by the shoulders, shook her and hissed an Elvish curse into her ears. Tess cursed right back at the Elf and glared at her. The Elf let go and backed away when Tess reached for her dagger.

"Tess…" warned Arwen, staring at her daughter. "No killing or maiming anyone on my wedding day!"

"Nana! You are already married so why the hell do you bloody care if I ruin this one? You and ada are still married!"

"Tess, if you mess this up, things are not going to be good at all."

"Why the hell is that?"

"This wedding is a really important thing for your ada. If this does not go well, people will continue saying bad things about him, me, and you."

"Why the bloody hell would they do that?! Who freakin' cares?!"

"They are implying that Aragorn and I are not married because the marriage was not public knowledge. So…"

"They are implying that I'm not even who am I… I get it."

"Promise me…"

"I ain't gonna promise nothing to nobody! Got that! I'm got my own problems to deal with without dealing with everyone else's! Just leave me alone!"

"Tess!"

"Nana, don't try to talk to me. You just don't get it! None of you do! Nothing here means anything to me! Tomorrow I leave this, _mess_ behind and start my life again the way it should be!"

"Tess! Watch what you are saying!"

"NO! I'm not listening to anyone any longer! Everyone knows that I don't belong here! I'm a Ranger's daughter and this isn't my life!"

"Tess, you are not just a Ranger's daughter. You are my daughter and I love you. You are _our_ daughter, Aragorn's daughter and mine. You were born into this life, whether you like it or not. It is who you are."

"I DON'T FREAKIN' GIVE A DAMN!"

"Aragorn never wanted this either. But he's grown to except it as a fact of life. We can't change who we are. All we can change is what we decide to do with our lives."

"I don't want to be here nana and no one can change that! NO ONE!" cried Tess as she stormed out of the room.

Mary woke with a start. "Faramir? Where are you?" she said, sleepily while her eyes were still closed.

"Mary, it's time for you to get up. The weddings are soon."

Mary cursed but woke up.

"How soon can I get married to Faramir?"

"As soon as you get moving!" said Arwen as she stuck Mary's dress into her hands and sent her towards a dressing area.

Mary groaned loudly but headed that way anyways. She at least was getting married in the dress of her choice. And to the man that she had secretly loved for years. It would all be worth it in the end. Or at least she hoped so.

* * *

The weddings began shortly. There was still no sign of Tess who had disappeared. Mary and Faramir were being married first in a short, simple ceremony. Mary and Faramir had insisted on it being a quick, private, non-fancy wedding. Arwen had relented, enough though she wanted to plan a flashy wedding for them.

Mary was wearing a black dress with her Charlie sweater and couldn't have been more pleased if she tried. Faramir was dressed in simple but elegant clothes. He too looked very happy.

The ceremony began and soon they had reached the vows.

"Do you, Mary, take Faramir to be your lawfully wedded husband to death do you part?" asked the priest.

"I DO! I DO! I DO! I DO! I DO!" cried Mary, almost jumping for joy.

"And do you, Faramir, take Mary to be your lawfully wedded husband to death do you part?"

"I DO! I DO! I DO! I DO! I DO!" cried Faramir, just as happy.

"You may—" began the priest who was cut off when Faramir grabbed Mary and began to kiss her.

"Ewww!" cried Dolly. "I feel like I'm going to be sick!"

Mary glared at her and tossed her bouquet, which hit Dolly smack in the middle of the forehead, knocking her out.

"That…" sobbed Kate between racking sobs. "Was… the… most… beautiful… thing… I… have… ever… seen! Waaa!"

Then it was Aragorn and Arwen's turn.

* * *

Aragorn and Arwen, being King and Queen, had to be married in front of the whole city so the place on the top level where Aragorn had been crowned, was the place of their wedding. Everyone in the city had shown up to see them. And Elrond, the greedy dress wearer was there to walk his daughter down the aisle.

Tess was secretly hidden in the crowd, not too far from where the newlyweds were. She was wearing a simple black dress with a veil over her face. No one recognized her. She glared at Elrond as he passed her. She even stuck her foot out and tripped him. No one saw it. They all thought the Elf-lord had tripped over his own feet because he was wearing a dress. Like that was a big shock.

Tess kept her eyes locked on the greedy dress wearer's every move. She suspected something but she wasn't sure what. Then she saw a flash of metal as Elrond was going to put Arwen's hand in Aragorn's. It was a weapon and she was sure of it. She grabbed Mary's hand and dragged her with her. Mary grabbed Faramir's hand and they formed an odd chain. No one noticed them, as they were fixated on Aragorn and Arwen. But Tess wasn't.

The human chain arrived just in time for Tess to snatch a dagger out of Elrond's hand before he could stab Aragorn.

"Nice trick, dress wearer!" she said, holding the dagger with her fingers for everyone to see. "Trying to do murder?"

"What?" questioned Arwen. "Ada wouldn't dare—"

"Nana, the proof is here."

Elrond grabbed the dagger out of her hold and sliced it in front of him to make an escape route. He slashed Faramir who groaned. Mary grabbed a sword from a nearby guard and Tess pulled her dagger. Together the two raced after the fleeing Elf.

"Get your ass back here Agent Elrond! I'm got some bones to pick with you!" cried Tess as she waved her dagger in the air.

"Me too! How dare you hurt my Faramir!" cried Mary, waving the sword. "Die now!"

Everyone jumped out of the way of the three crazy people. Finally, they reached the end of the top and the edge was all that was left. Mary and Tess blocked off the escape route. They were now standing in the place where Mary had light Denethor on fire and he had fallen to his death.

"Don't kill me! Please!" whined Elrond. "I'm too old and ugly to die!"

"Shut the hell up!" cried Tess. "Mary, do the honors."

"My pleasure!"

"Noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Elrond as Mary tickled him.

"Stop it!!!! It tickles!!!! Stop!!!!!" he giggled.

"You can stop any time now, Mary," said Tess.

"Okay," said Mary, dejected.

"Thank you!" cried Elrond, attempting to walk away.

"We're not done with you yet. You must swear that you will never, ever come near me, my ada, Mary, Faramir or anyone that I know. And you will never ever harm anyone that I know or else I will hunt you down and I will kill you. Got it?"

"Um hum," cried Elrond, whimpering.

"Good."

And Mary and Tess walked away heading back to the wedding. Or what was left of it anyways.

Author's Notes:

Sorry that I can't do a double post today. I'll try to post a triple tomorrow to finish off the story. My hands hurt too much for me to continue tonight. I'll explain later.

Reviewers!

Mr. Random – It's okay, my friends and I are pretty random. But no, I don't think that will happen in this story. Maybe in a sequel, but not this one. I loved getting a chance to burn it off. Oh, yeah I forgot that! Oh well, just pretend. No one ever saw them in jail, did they? So how do we know that they were caught? All we know was that they stopped.

A Darker Side of Light – I sure don't! And neither would you! No, Faramir is definitely better off with you than he ever would be with Eowyn! Apparently, everyone liked that one. And I thought no one would. I'll have to look for that pic. If I ever can, I'll get a pic of me in an Arwen style dress that I wore to the Renaissance Festival on the net and send you the link.

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfofME – I guess you are right about the time travel but I'd still like to think that the two worlds co-exist at the same time. Explosions are cool. I would have had more but I was sleepy when I went to sleep.


	49. Party!

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: Do not tell me that after 49 chapters you still don't get it!

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Chapter Forty-nine: Party!

Even after the disaster with Elrond, the wedding had continued as had the party planned in celebration. Only the people closest to the two couples were attending. So that meant that all the crazy people were coming. And come they did…

* * *

The party was wild. Merry and Pippin, even though they were ghosts, still had a drinking contest. Apparently ghosts in Middle-earth were different than ghosts back where the SUV was from. So they were able to eat and drink unlike other ghosts and behave like normal people while still having the special abilities of a ghost.

The two happy Hobbits had jumped up on a table, mugs in their hands and began to sing and dance.

"Oh you can search far and wide,  
You can drink the whole town dry,  
But you'll never find a beer so brown,  
As the one we drink in our hometown.  
You can keep your fancy ales,  
You can drink them by the flagon,  
But the only brew for the brave and true,  
Comes from the Green Dragon!"

Everyone applauded the Hobbits who began to drink, trying to see who could drink the most in the quickest amount of time. Emily was with them, judging the contest. Dolly stood nearby, watching the contest.

Mary and Faramir were very much glued to each other. They did not move away from each other at all. Arwen and Aragorn stayed close too but they did eventually split apart to talk to their friends. Tess was not anywhere to be found at the party.

Legolas had even shorter hair than ever before and Kate was hanging around him. He had given up on trying to escape from her. But that didn't mean that he liked her. And as always, Gimli was with Legolas too and he was giving him a hard time about his hair. So finally Kate ended up in a fist fight with the dwarf.

"My money's on the dwarf," said Legolas to Dolly.

"Then you are so gonna lose! I'm betting on Kate!" replied Dolly.

"You're on!"

Mary and Faramir were cheering for both of them, just trying to see who got the worst of the fight. Arwen was trying to get someone to break up the fight while Aragorn was cheering. Merry and Pippin even paused in their drinking contest to fight over who was going to win.

Finally, a pot high Gandalf came in and broke the fight up. Gandalf was booed and had rotten stuff thrown at him before he finally stumbled away.

"God damn party pooper!" cursed Mary after Gandalf left.

"Mary…"

"And this was so the best wedding after party ever! And he had to come in and ruin it!"

"Mary…"

"What?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Author's Notes:

Yeah, I know that this probably isn't the most descriptive chapter but I wanted all you readers to imagine it without me telling you everything. So basically, just imagine what would happen at a wedding after party when there are drunken Hobbit ghosts, a flamethrower carrying ghost, an upset Elf, and all the other crazy people. So imagine what would happen. I gave only a bit of the party to you. The rest is up to you to think about and make your own opinions about.

Anyways, the reason (or one of them!) that I couldn't pull a double (or triple!) post yesterday was that I injured my hands. I had already typed most of the other chapter up so it could be posted but my hands hurt so badly that I couldn't continue. My hands are feeling better today but they still hurt. I was playing street hockey with a group of guys and one of them ran into me and tripped me with his stick and I fell down onto my hands and knees. I sliced both my palms open and both my knees in several places. I still can not touch or put any weight on my knees. My hands have healed really well though.

Anyways, the next and FINAL post for 'Journey to Mordor' will be TOMORROW, Sunday, October 31st! Happy Halloween!

There is the possibility of a sequel but that depends whether or not people want a sequel. Any sequel would be co-written with one of my crazy friends so it would be under another name. But if you all want a sequel, I'll see what I can go about writing one with my friend. It would be pretty wild.

Reviewers!

A Darker Side of Light – Thanks for the great review! Maybe I'll put off the finale to Sunday, October 31st. I was wondering if I should do that and I think I will. Yeah, it's 80 degrees where I am and I think that's crazy for the day before Halloween! And yeah it's probably going to be sooo cold tomorrow! I'm so glad that you are so happy!


	50. The End of All Things

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Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: No, I still do not own _Lord of the Rings_!

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Chapter Fifty: The End of All Things

Dolly, Kate, and Emily had finished packing and loading the SUV. The SUV still hadn't been fixed and it never would be. But the only thing that mattered was that the three of them made it back home. And they wouldn't be able to carry their stuff. It would have to remain here. All they could take would be a light bag or backpack that could be easily carried.

They would be the first to leave. Many others were leaving that day. Mary and Faramir were leaving for Ithilien that afternoon. And Tess was leaving for the Wild eventually, but no one knew when. Sam had already left for the Shire a long time ago and Merry and Pippin would eventually return to the Shire.

"Moo!" cried Emily as she said good-bye to Merry and Pippin.

"Legolas! Don't leave me!" cried Kate as Dolly and Emily dragged her towards the swamp that was the way home.

"I guess this is good-bye," said Dolly to Aragorn and Arwen. "And I hope Tess is happy here. Tell her that I said good-bye."

"We will and feel free to visit any time," said Arwen.

Aragorn nodded and Dolly gave a half smile before she dragged Kate towards the swamp and Emily too.

"It's time for us to go," she said softly to her companions. "This place is not for us and we don't belong here."

And the three companions walked through the swamp back to their world, leaving behind Middle-earth. Their journey had come to an end. They had made it to Mordor, destroyed the Ring and now they could return home. One person less that was. But Dolly carried with her notes written by Tess, Aragorn, and Arwen explaining every thing.

The SUV had finally finished its journey too and would be later pushed through the swamp to get back to where it belonged.

Things had changed drastically for the friends but things would be better later on. All the changes had been for the better.

* * *

Tess had every thing packed into her saddlebags and had tacked ES Brego up. She was dressed in worn old clothes with her Elven cloak. All she had with her was stuff pertaining to her new life. She had a sword, dagger, bow and a quiver of arrows along with other stuff that she needed to survive. Every thing that was from her other life was either in the SUV or back in her room in Minas Tirith. She had become who she had been born to be. She was Tess no more.

* * *

Aragorn snuck away from everyone and found Tess before she left.

"You wouldn't leave without saying good-bye, now would you?" he questioned, looking into a pair of sadden grey-blue eyes.

"It's better this way. For everyone."

"I don't see that at all. So stop trying to fool yourself."

"I'm not trying to."

"Yes you are," he said as Tess tried to turn away from him.

"I'm bloody not! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"

"Look at me," said Aragorn as he grabbed her by the shoulders, keeping her from running off.

"Why the hell should I?"

"I'm not the enemy, Tess."

"Really? Cause the way you're acting…"

"Do you really want to go through with this?"

"Why the hell wouldn't I?"

"Are you just trying to run again?"

"No!"

"You have to face your demons, Tess. You can't run forever."

"Well I sure as hell can!" she cried, tearing away from Aragorn and hopping into ES Brego's saddle.

Aragorn closed his eyes for a second. What could he do? He couldn't stop her.

"At least take a gift with you," he said, pleading with her.

Tess said nothing and Aragorn held something out to her in his hand. She took it and blinked furiously, several times. In her hand lay the Evenstar.

"I can't take this."

"Keep it. Maybe it will help you figure out what you are looking for."

"But…"

"And take this also. May Anduril protect you since you don't want me to be around," said Aragorn sadly as he handed his sword to his daughter.

"Ada, I can not take your sword!"

"You will," he said as he smacked Brego's rump, sending his daughter away towards the Wild.

Then he turned and walked slowly back towards the Citadel were his duties awaited him. His daughter was gone. Every thing had changed. Before he hadn't had a daughter and then he did and now he sent her away. But he knew that she'd back. Eventually.

* * *

Mary and Faramir were heading out when Aragorn caught up with them. They were already on their horses and leaving the Citadel. He ran to catch up with them. They stopped when they heard him calling their names.

"Mary! Faramir! Wait!" cried Aragorn as he ran.

"What is it?" asked Mary impatiently.

"I just wanted to say good-bye and I hope you come and visit sometime."

"That's it?"

"Well yeah, no wait."

"What now?"

"I want you to keep an eye out for Tess and an ear for news."

"What the hell for?"

"She's left for the Wild and I'm worried."

"Then go after her!"

"I don't want to chase her anymore but I want her to stay safe. If you see her, or hear anything about her, please send word. That's all I ask."

"Whatever…" said Mary as she and Faramir rode off.

* * *

Aragorn dragged his feet all the way back to the Citadel. He was not looking forward to heading back to another council. He was sick of the King stuff and wanted to go back to his old life but he couldn't. There was no turning back from here on out. Everyone had been placed on the right path and all they could do was follow it. And hope that their paths would meet again at some time.

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it begun.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

Author's Notes:

That is the end! I know, it's probably not the best ending but it leaves space for a sequel. As a matter of fact, it begs for a sequel. We shall see if and when a sequel is written. Big thanks to everyone who made it this far. One phase of the journey is over and another can begin.

Reviewers!

A Darker Side of Light – I'm glad that you could see the party in your head, I know that I could. Happy Halloween! And I will defiantly be doing a sequel but I'm not sure how soon that will be! And hope this chapter was long enough for you cause it took me a long to time to type. Praise the candy!


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